When There's Bigger Things to Worry About

Stomach virus aside, this week has been full of disappointment for me.

For starters, Mr. Berg has been down in the dumps this week.

When Mr. Berg and I got married he was a very successful salesman at a international company. He was top dog in his local area, his regional area and pretty much all of the northeast. It was huge ego boost for him and constant source of pride. He was the big fish in a small pond.

And while he had a good job, and obviously he was successful at it. It KILLED his social life and our life as a married couple. We never saw each other, we couldn't commit to plans, RSVP for weddings, or even make a simple dinner reservation. He just never knew what he schedule would be like, what deal he's be in the middle of or how long his work day would be.

We knew that the best thing for him to do was find a better job, even if it meant a pay cut.
Mr. Berg has been in his new job for 18 months now, he's been selling at his new job for just about 12.
He is doing a wonderful job and he's just where he should as far as sales and success goes. However, he's making less then before and there is more time between sales. In his new business he's selling a relationship and a product versus just a product. In a position such as this, it takes years to build a good book of business.

In Mr. Bergs eyes, this makes him a failure. He is not.
He is doing awesome and he's building a very strong foundation for himself.
As his wife, my job is to be the supportive cheerleader. I do it well... most days.
However, there are days and sometimes weeks, like this week, where nothing I say or don't say, do or don't do that helps. He can't be reasoned with and it's frustrating.

On top of that, since we now make less money, Mr. Berg is even more convinced this makes him a failure. It does not. Life isn't geared around how much money you make,  We strive to be rich in life, not rich in material things. However, it does suck sometimes when we can't afford the fun conveniences we were used to, like $20 bottles of wine and nice dinners out and trips to see multiple movies in a weekend.

Oh well, I can cook, we can drink cheap wine and we still have Netflicks, we will survive. There are people in this world living with far less then we are. Thus, there are bigger things to worry about.
This week I also found out that again, Mr. Berg won't be around for my birthday. That's right, I said AGAIN.

For three years in a row, I have had less then stellar birthdays.
First, there was the birthday the Mr. Berg worked. I microwaved my dinner and went to bed early.
I saw Mr. Berg for 30 minutes on the morning of my birthday.
Then, there was the birthday were Mr. Berg decided we'd celebrate my birthday three weeks early because it fit into his schedule better.
Yeah, that was fun, it wasn't even my birthday Month then!
And to top it off , on my actual birthday, we went out for a crappy dinner where we were rushed because we then met his uncle and aunt for a drink since they were in town. We got home late, my homemade bread I left to rise was ruined and we went to bed far too late (with no mention of marital relations). Yay, suck ass birthday take 2.
And now this year, I'll be alone. My parents will be out of town and my brother will be working and Mr. Berg will be both out of town AND working.

Again, disappointing.

But then I think of my friend S, who just lost her Aunt to cancer. Her father is in the hospital with heart failure and her Mom is treating her like dog meat because she leaves in Virginia, not Maine.

I should be focusing on the important things. I have a family who loves me, everyone is healthy and so what if I have to spend my birthday by myself. Atleast I'm alive to have a birthday, with a nice roof over my head and money in the bank to provide for my family and give back to those that can't.

And finally.
We found our yesterday that close friends of ours are pregnant with their second child.
This was the first time I experienced pregnancy jealousy. And it's a nasty bitch.
I am thrilled for our friends. I cannot wait to celebrate with them.
But there's a little voice in the back of my head that keeps saying "That could be you." "You're going to be an old mom" "You might never get pregnant"
You see, Mr. Berg and I have put off having children twice now. Both times because of lacking finances, etc.
The first time didn't hurt so bad. The second time was devastating. Sadly, with Mr. Berg's view of our finances right now, we might be putting it off again. If that happens, it will be crushing.

I know there are bigger things to worry about. There are thousands of woman out there that can't have children, there are thousands of children out there without parents. I get it, it's not all about me.

But this week hasn't been easy and as much as I remind myself that there's bigger things to worry about. I can't help but be sad and disappointed.  And I guess, for now, that's okay.