The Good and the Bad

The Good:

• Weigh In: 137lbs even
• I am .4 away from 10lb down
• Today was organized choas
• I have five people coming back to work on Monday
• Manpower for the moment is calm {knock on wood}
• Tomorrow I will see the ocean

The Bad:

• Today was organized choas
• I'm not sure if I've very good at my new role of manpower organizer
• I'm away from my husband all weekend
• Exhaustion is my new middle name
• 5:30am comes awful early

Today marks my last day of normal. Next week I'll be going full swing in the manpower organization arena. I'm going to start packing soups and salads to bring to work. I fear that there will be no point in going home for lunch, and probably no time either.

If I wake up in the middle of the night, I can't get back to sleep. I hate that. My mind races, it's hard to focus on the good things, only the things that suck or aren't going 100%. At 4am, it's hard to remind yourself that life isn't perfect.

Confession

Today has been a better day.
A much, much better day.

My headache is gone. I'm not stark raving mad. My mind isn't going in 101 different directions. I feel like I have my energy back and "." is gone.

I'm actually looking forward to my workout tonight.

I ate a very healthy breakfast, had a nice snack of pear and cheese and I ate my very fresh tasting southwest grilled chicken salad.

And then I ate a little package of Cadburry Mini Eggs. FOR 6 FREAKING POINTS.

Yeah, once again, self sabatoge much?

But you know what? That was the best damn 6 points I had all day.


Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go work out for the next 4 hours :)

The Worst Day Ever

Today SUCKED!!!

I fought a miserable headache all day long. Thanks to "." not only did I have a miserable headache, but I also had next to zero energy and I did nothing but eat brownies (3 in total) and whine to myself about how miserable I felt. I'm bloated, doughy and oily and nasty.

I had a horrible workout. I had scheduled FE CS2&3. I made it through CS3, never got to CS2.
I'm exhausted, cranky, bitchy and so ready for this stupid "." to be over so I can return to my regularly scheduled life.

Around 4pm I decided to give up on today. Today sucked. No doubt about it, it sucked. But you know what? Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is a NEW day. Tomorrow has promise and hope and the promise of smart choices.

Today wasn't my bestest day, that's for sure. It is safe to say, today was probably one of my worst days.

Food and bad body image aside today was a hard day for other reasons too.

I'm learning how to manage the man power at Family Owned Inc.
I'm really, really nervous about it.

So far, it is a task that is outside of my comfort zone. I don't know everyone I'm managing. I don't know their skills sets, their abilities. I don't know who does great at what and who can cross task. In other words, when it comes to managing the peoples, I am dumb!!

To add to that stress. I am learning from the person I admire the most at Family Owned Inc. He is the person I want to please the most and the person I want to learn the most from. (And no, he's not Mr. President). At the end of the day,  I want him to feel confident in my abilities and trust me to do a good job.

Deep down, I know he wouldn't have recruited me to help if he felt I didn't know how to do it. In addition to that, he's helping me every step of the way. I just don't want him to be disappointed in me. I want to be the reliable, go to person that everyone can count on.

It's hard to feel that way when you're being pulled in a million different directions and you aren't 100% sure that the decisions you're making are the best. It's hard to see the results when you're in the middle of the fight.

Much like my weight loss journey, my work journey is just as challenging. The results I get aren't always tangible. The hard work I put it isn't always noticeable right away.

I just have to keep reminding myself, that in the long run, I will get there. I just have to hold on to my faith, take stock in my self worth and know that eventually, maybe not today, my hard work will pay off.

And remember, tomorrow is another day to get it right.

Ha!

Here's a funny story:

Friday morning I jumped on the scale.
Guess what?
137.2

As in, a pound less then I weighed in at the morning before.

And then guess what?

I went to VA and drank all of their wine and ate most of their food.

Yeah..... self sabatoge much?

Honestly, Saturday was the only day I was off the program. Granted, when I go off the program, I go all the way off. Like to the other end of the eating spectrum, where the food addicts hang out. Nice....

Yesterday I jumped right back on the WW program.
Healthy Breakfast
A nice subway lunch.
Dinner was fine, although I had more then I should of had.

Still..... much better then Saturday's Wine and Food Festival for One.

Today I'm back in action, hard core action.
Food Fest aside, this week's weigh in won't be pretty.
My friend is in town. You know "."
I hate that bitch.....

Here's hoping for a postive March 3rd :)

Stuck

I'm stuck ya'll.

Stuck at 138 pounds.
Aparently, my body really likes it there. For the past three weeks, I've been somewhere between 137.9-138.7.

For Real? Why 138?

That's three pounds away from my goal weight. And quiet honestly, a whole smaller pants size.
I'm frustrated beyond belief.

I tried switching things up. Instead of a garden burger on a whole wheat English muffin with veggies and a salad for lunch, I went with grilled chicken on top of a salad.

I stuck to more veggie snacks and more fruit with a low fat piece of cheese.

I've upped my water consumption and lessened my diet pepsi intake (which is really a miracle in it self).

I've increased my workouts and carefully tracked my points.
I now measure and weight my food with not only measuring cups (as before), I'm now even using a food scale.

I'm trying. And what am I getting?

NADA.

Scales Say: 138.2.

If the damn thing hadn't cost $30 it be out the window right now.

Any ideas?
Bueller?
Hello?

Brain Dump

Because it's been one of those weeks thus far:

• I had a veggie and cheese omlet for breakfast this morning with a small side of hashbrowns. I'm better such I ate it around 9am. It's now 4:15pm and I'm still not hungry. I think I'll just wait until dinner
• I'm hiring new people for Family Owned, Inc. out the wazu. (Is that how wazu is spelled?)
• Mr. Berg and I are heading down south to visit our friends. We cannot wait.
• Sophie is currently standing guard at the sliding glass door. She's defending us from the "neighbor cat" who likes to visit. I call him Sophie's Boyfriend, however, I think if I ever let them meet in person she'd kick his fuzzy buns.
• Speaking of fuzzy buns, Bob raided my purse every night looking for my pink mittens. Once he finds them he lays on the floors, holds them between his paws and rubs his face against them.
• The skinny taste weight watchers blog is amazing
• I best be skinny at weigh in tomorrow. I've earned 20 activity points this week.
• My plan is to wake up early for yoga in the morning
• My other plan is to wake up early on Friday for another workout.
• We'll see if my plans workout or not. I'm going with probably not.
• Smoked gouda cheese and apples are da bomb

The Calm Before the Storm

The moment we've all been waiting for finally happened at Family Owned, Inc. We got a big job!

We've been waiting on this big job for over a year. For the past two weeks we've unofficially known we got the big job. However, the big important people hadn't officially said to us "Family Owned, Inc. you are hereby officially given the big job."

There was much cheering and celebrating. Mostly, by me, alone in the kitchen, as I read the announcement over email on my new phone. (more on the loss of my beloved blackberry later)

Big Job means we'll have to recall some of our currently laid off employees and hire some new employees specifically for this endeavor. It also means we'll have to hire some new people for other projects where we would have put the employees now working at big job.
Basically, we're going to begin a very delicate juggling act that's going to last for say.... 8-12 months.

Miss In Charge of HR over here is getting a wee-bit nervous.....

I know what's coming, I'm just refusing to admit it today. Instead I'm planing Valentine's Day Menus and ignoring my To-Do list.

Which, by the way, is a heck of a lot smaller today thanks to a million and one things that got done yesterday.

Did I mention we have an HR auditor coming in on Tuesday as well? Have I mentioned how disguisting my office is right now?
Guess who's cleaning tomorrow?

Anyway... my point.......
Today is the calm before the storm. We're relishing in our greatness. Excited, we anxiously run through the hundred and one possible senerios on our heads about what is to come. We secertly hope the use of helicopters to set heavy equipment will be used and be pray for a safe and stable working enviroment for our men.

And mostly, we brace ourselves.
Today is a quiet day. Today we celebrate.
Tomorrow we prepare.
Monday we'll be running around like a bunch of wild animals. Lord help us all.

I didn't fall off the face of the earth.... yet......

This has been my week, so far:

Monday

• Credit card numbers got stolen- where used in "massage parlors" in China.... nothing shady about that
• New receptionist starts at Family Owned Inc.
• Chaos ensues at Management Meeting and into the morning
• Valued Employee breaks company property
• Same employee fails random drug test/breath alcohol screen, following broke property (employee isn't so valuable anymore)
• JBerg's day goes to shit

Tuesday

• Early Morning Meeting
• Meet Runs Lates, No Lunch for JBerg
• Rental Showing Appoint Results in No Show, still No Lunch for JBerg
• Arrive at office to find desk covered in junk, still No Lunch for JBerg
• Clear Desk, Assemble To Do List
• Lunch (finally) while reading emails and watching time
• New Employee Orientation for New Young Kid
• Rehire Orientations for 3 Employees
• Paperwork that following 4 Orientations
• Run to Bank
• Run to Volunteer Program
• Stay late to say thank yous
• Home
• Discover Dinner sucks (note to self- store left over chicken and picatta sauce in separate containers, otherwise you get rubber chicken. Rubber chicken is gross)
• Console husband on rough day.
• Die on sofa while watching Biggest Loser

Wednesday

• Attend meeting where more chaos ensues
• Make new to-do list. Including everything on yesterday's to-do list since lord knows you haven't seen your to do-do list since you wrote it yesterday.
• Interview potential new hire
• Decide 5 minute into interview you don't like potential new hire
• Change your mind 10 minutes later
• Frantically plow through to do list
•  Realize to-do list isn't so miserable
• Talk to 78 people, add to-do items
• Change your mind, to-do list = still miserable.
• Pray car doesn't run out of gas on the way to gas station
• Realize if car runs out of gas, there will be no lunch for J-Berg.

Today my biggest goal is to eat lunch.

I'll be back tomorrow, hopefully not as stressed.

Missing You Everyday

Dear Grandpa-

It's hard to believe that come April, it will be three years since you've passed. In March, it will be three years since I've seen you. Sometimes it feels like you've been gone that long, other times, it's like you just left.

I want you to know that I think about you and miss you everyday. Sometimes in big ways and other times in small ways. Granted, it's hard not to think about you. I walk into the office building you created every day, I walk past your office every day, I say your name every day. You think that it wouldn't hurt so much after all this time. But, unfortunately I guess it always will.

Last week I was walking out to my car when I saw your truck drive by. Without every realizing it, I thought to myself, 'Grandpa's back from Florida.' It took me a minute to realize, you're never coming back.
When your best friend bought your truck after your death, a lot of people wondered if it was the right thing to do. It never bothered me. I knew he wanted something to remember you by.
I just didn't realize that when I saw it again, I'd still think of it as yours.

I followed the truck all the way into town. I could barely breathe, I wanted so badly for it to be you.

And then this past Saturday, we visited your house in Naples. We wanted to check on it, make sure everything was okay. Of course, everything was as it was, and I couldn't help but be sad. It was just as you had left it. Right down to the very last golf pencil and book on the shelf. I couldn't help but be comforted by Florida and Naples and your home there. I know how much you loved it and how much rest and relaxation you found there.

I know we didn't have the typical grandfather- granddaughter relationship. I know there were a lot of things that were hard for both of us and a lot of things we just left unsaid. But I know deep down that you were proud of my brother and I and that you loved us so very much.

I hope you can hear me when I talk to you. I've been talking to MM since I was little. It's always been a comfort to me. It's even more of a comfort to know I can talk to both of you.

There is really nothing more I want then for you to be proud of me. I want you to know how hard I work to ensure the standards you created are upheld and your name remains solid and strong.

I try not to dwell on the problems your death created or the heartache we have all suffered from your loss. There is no sense in being angry over something you can't fix or control.

For some reason, I miss you more today that I do most. I know you are with me. I feel you and MM with me all the time. I hear your voice every time I get frustrated or wish that things were easier. I want you to know that I will always keep fighting. I will always keep going.

I hope there's plenty of golf where you are.
Watch over us,
Your 1st Born Grand Child.

Fit February

So far, I've started off on the right foot this 1st day of February.

Yesterday I stayed on point. I had a great 50 minute workout with TF Hardcore Fusion. I made an awesome chicken stroganoff in the crock pot that I served over whole wheat egg noodles with a side of green beans.

This morning I took my measurements.... I know, I said I was going to do that last month. I forgot.
I tracked my measurements on the WW website. I have no idea if I measured the exact right places. I figure, as long as I'm consistent, I should see the changes.

I have several goals for February:

Tracking
I've been lax on tracking lately. I do well on the week days. Then the weekends come and it's a food free for all around here.
I'd like make a point to track 6 days a week for the next four weeks.

Whole Foods
There has been entirely too much snacking going on in the house of Berg. By snacking I mean prepackaged, over processed foods. Frozen pizzas, cookies, candy, etc.
I've never been one to stress on whole, real foods. Over the years I've taken a very practical approach to what I will and won't buy. I don't stress out over buying pre-shredded cheese or using a boxed cake mix.
However, when it comes to snacks, I ate a lot of what I shouldn't.
So, this month, unless it's preplanned or a real emergency, this girl is eating whole, fresh, home prepared food.

Cheat Days
I'm not so great when it comes to cheat days. Cheat days go from one day to one and a half days to entire weekends.
That's got to stop.
Cheat days will be preplanned and carefully followed.

This month's preplanned cheat days are:
February 6th- Dinner Only (On Superbowl Sunday, Mama and I go out for dinner)
February 12th- Breakfast Only (Valentine's Day Brunch with the besties)
February 19th- Lunch and Dinner Only (we'll be down south, this will be a huge challenge)

That is three days out of 28. Not bad at all.

It is my hope that sticking to my plan faithfully that I'll see some great results this month.
Wish me luck