Getting Closer...

I am .4 away from goal.



.4


Yup, that's all that's standing between me and my goal.

If anything, this was more motivation to eat wisely this Memorial Day Weekend.
My car is totally packed for the shore. I'll be leaving in 2.5 hours for an unemployment hearing, after that I'll be beach bound.

I cannot wait.

I packed my running gear. I plan to run Saturday and Sunday morning.
For dinners I'll do my usual. Stick to fish and veggies and of course, oysters. Love me some oysters.

Lunches will be up in the air but I'm usually pretty good at finding the right choice.

The problem is going to be THE WINE.
It's always the wine.

Oh and I made chocolate caramel brownies.... those might be an issue too.
A well worth it issue if I don't mind saying so myself.


Happy Memorial Day Everyone!

Two Weeks

Two weeks from today right about now, my plane to Boston will be taking off.
I'll be heading north for my best friend's garden wedding at her parent's inn in Maine.
Mr. Berg and I decided to make a mini vacation about it and spent a few days by the coast. We are in much need of a break. This vacation couldn't come at a better time.

For the past two years, we've honeymoon and then vacationed in a more tropical location. First Antigua and then Jamaica. I'm sure the rocky coast of Maine will be a little bit different from palm trees and a continuous open bar.

I have a feeling we'll get over it.

This weekend we'll be spending our Memorial Day weekend on the eastern shore. I'm excited for beers for the screened in patio, crab cakes, wine, pedicures and fresh oysters. YUM!

Mr. Berg can't wait to get there. He's been pretty stressed lately between illness, accreditation exams and the like. My hope is he'll sleep for as long as he can this weekend. He needs the rest.

As for me:
For whatever reason, I stood on the scale last night after work.
This would be after I drank 32oz of water and I felt like a bloated cow.
It wasn't pretty but I carried on.
I had a good long work out last night. It felt great.
This morning I woke up feeling like my usual, non bloated self.
I'm hoping for good results on the scale tomorrow.
I have a feeling, that if I do reach my goal weight of 135 tomorrow, I may decide to go lower.
132 would take me to my comfortable college weight.  I'm hoping to maybe hover between 133 and 135.
Only time will tell.

All in all life is good.


Oh and I'm totally thrilled that Olivia won Biggest Loser.
She is AWESOME.

Crash

I knew I'd crash from this "." sooner or later. And of course, last night I did.

I wasn't hungry much of the day. I made myself eat in an attempt to ward off a case of the munchies.

After dinner last night I crashed.
I wanted junk and lots of it.

I ended up having a handful of sesame sticks, a mini ice cream sandwich, half a piece of apple sauce bread and a glass of wine.

And it was good.

For the record I haven't used any weekly points, and only 1/2 of my activity points. We'll see what happens.
135 is still written on the inside of my arm.

I'm hopeful for Friday. I am. But with the amount of bloat I've got going on right now, I doubt I'll see a loss.

Oh well, it is what it is.

I will get there.
One way or another, I will get there.

Pants That Don't Fit = Good Work, Indeed.

Spring finally decided to show up here in Central Pennsylvania. While the sun is still hiding amongst the clouds, the temperature has started to warm up. All week we are supposed to be in the low 80s to high 70s.

This is great, seeing as I moved my spring and summer clothing into my closet WEEKS ago.
It's nice to finally pull out my open toed shoes and my capri pants. The jean jackets are back into the rotation. And come Friday, I'm breaking out the white pants :)

However, we have a problem.

My pants don't fit.


I was so excited this morning to pull a brand new pair of capris out of the closet. I had been on the hunt for them since last year.
I matched them up with my really cute ruffled navy cardigan and my white tank top.
Since I've lost 11 pounds, I assumed the pants would be a little bit on the loose side.
What I wasn't planning on was that they'd be WAY too big.
I spent $50 on pants that don't fit.

Oh, don't worry I'm rocking them today. They're cute. Too bad I look like I have a load in my pants because they're too baggy.

And another thing.
My shoes don't fit either.

For YEARS I have been a solid 7.5 in shoes.
And now, 7's fit perfectly and my 7.5 are flinging themselves off my feet.

I feel like a little kid playing dress up, in my own closet.

Mr. Berg is never going to understand why I suddenly need more new clothes.... wish me luck trying to explain that one.


In other news "." has been pretty much a none event.
While I have a lot of bloating and fatigue, I have nothing in the way of mood swings, cramps, leg aches or massive night sweats. All of which are typical symptoms for me.

I got through a 30 minute cardio workout last night without much of an issue. I did lighten up my weights and used 3lbs instead of my typical 5lbs. I noticed I didn't have as much pep as I normally would. But I got through it and I got a good sweat.
I'm pretty confident that today will be the last full day of "."
Tomorrow I should be back to my regularly scheduled self and hopefully the bloat will be gone by Friday for WI day.

I took a page from the biggest loser last night and wrote my goal weight on the side of my left wrist.
It's keeping me focused. I really hope to hit my goal on Friday. I want to stand on that scale and let out a hoot.
If not this week, then hopefully next week and if not then then hopefully before I leave for my best friend's wedding.

Regardless of when I get there, I know I've already accomplished so much along the way.
I'm down a pants size. My clothes fit so much better.
I have fun getting dressed in the morning.

My stamina is up, my skin is clear, there is never a lack of energy.... well, okay, this week.
I sleep better, I workout harder, I eat for fuel.

I'm just plain proud of myself.
Regardless of what the scale says, I've done good work.
Good work indeed.....

FOR.REAL.

Well, that was interesting.....

While taking a mental break earlier this afternoon, I stumbled across something very interesting.... very intersting indeed.

I found GI Joe's facebook page.

Woah!
That was out of left field.

GI Joe and I have several mutual friends. Granted, mutual in this regard means, we are facebook friends.
We don't speak. We look at each others pictures.

While looking at our friend's pictures, there it was, a comment from GI Joe.

I clicked, of course.
And there it was, his page.

In almost 6 years I've never come across it before. I've looked for it a few times over the years but never very hard.

And lo and behold, on this random of Mondays....
There he was.
He, his wife, their kid.

I waited for it.
I waited for the hurt, the pain, the discomfort.... the anything really.

What I felt was this:
A bit of shock:  mostly that he was really out there somewhere (sometimes I like to pretend my ex-boyfriends fell off the face of the earth)
A sense of calm- He's okay. I knew he was disployed a few times. My biggest fear was that he would die and I wouldn't know. Okay, that's morbid to type.
Pride- He got his wish, be was deployed to fight the war on terror.
Bittersweetness- Wow, I used to be in love with him and I'm really not anymore

and most of all-
Relief- I don't have to be sad, I don't have to seek out his love and affection. I'm not crying every day and unable to explain why. I'm not worrying for him while he's at war. I'm not living on an airforce base somewhere, miserable. I don't have to shop at the BX. I don't have to put up with bullshit and protocals and distance and BDfrickingUs.


I have a good life that I made with my own two hands. I found a partner who loves me and cherishes me and who I hope to spend the rest of my days with.
I have a good life. I have the life that I always hoped I would get. I am lucky, so very, very lucky.

Its funny to look back on what you had, what you thought was so important and suddenly you realize you're glad you are that isn't your life anymore.

I thought I knew what I was doing, God had such a better path for me.
I'm so thankful he lead me in that direction.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am so glad I went through hell and back with GI Joe.
Otherwise, I wouldn't cherish my life like I do.


I should really thank God that so many unanswered prayers.

So far, not bad

Welcome to "." week everyone.

The blessed event began yesterday and if anything should be over by tomorrow.
Man I love seasonal birth control.

So far, it hasn't been too bad.

I got my run in yesterday followed by 30 minutes of yoga.
I didn't have any strange cravings. I ate well, followed my healthy guidelines and even prepped dinners for this week without much issue. By midafternoon I noticed myself starting to wear out. By dinnner time, "." was here and I felt drained and sore but otherwise okay.

I slept well last night thanks to the sweet kiss of a night time pain reliever.
Night sweats were minimal, which means tonight should be fun.

I've developed a pretty decent survival plan when it comes to "." week.

Lots of water, lots of midol, and generally taking good care of myself and listening to my body.
I push myself as hard as I can go during this time too, mostly because I know, once I crash, I'll be down for the count for awhile.

I hope to continue to get workouts in every day this week.
I hope to stick to healthy eating.
Surprisingly, I haven't been very hungry the last two days.
 That will change, but for now I wait.

I REALLY want to see a loss this week.
I really, really, really want to hit my goal.
Only time will tell.

I haven't planned strenious workouts knowing full well, I won't do them.
Today is pilates.
Tomorrow is the wave sculpting workout.
I'm keeping the faith that good things will come.

Just as long as I stay on track.
Lord, let me stay on track.

What Are The Chances...

That I will lose .6 pounds this week and hit my goal weight?

Seeing as this week is also "." week?


I'm thinking slim to none.

Anyone else?

Below the Surface

On Monday night I had the opportunity to talk to LB.
Even though LB is my brother and we're close as close gets, we don't talk very often. He's busy with his job and his life in the big city and I'm busy with my job and my life here in our small town.

This doesn't mean we don't love each other, it doesn't mean we're bad family, we just believe in quality rather then quantity.

Poor LB, he's having a rough time of it right now.
His job is awesome, his roommate is really cool and is professional life is amazing. He's having a rough go of it was his gf.  For the time being I'll refer to her as Lanky.

Lanky is a great girl. She's funny, smart, beautiful and easy going. But and trust me, there is a big but coming here. She's experiencing what I'd like to call failure to launch syndrome.
She graduated from college A YEAR AGO with an awesome in demand degree. All of her friends with the same degree had jobs lined up prior to graduation. Lanky graduated top of her class, she should be in high demand, she should have a job.
Not so much.

And without getting into a lot of details that I'm not sure LB would be comfortable with me discussing in a public forum, I can tell you this:

LB has supported Lanky as best as he can up to this point. However, LB has a life, a job, responsibilities to respond to and a reputation to uphold. Lanky, doesn't seem to get this.
Lanky doesn't seem to understand it's time to grow up.

LB is a probably more of a grown up then me.
He gets it.

Thus, he's had to put his foot down.
He has told Lanky he won't be seeing her anymore until she can get her act in gear.
Lanky thinks LB is being mean.
Lanky has told LB that he's had it easy because his life has been "planned for him."
Lanky resents LB's success and thinks LB shouldn't be so focused on his job and his success at his job.
This cuts through me like a knife because:
1. LB has planned his own life
2. LB has worked his ass off to create the life he has for himself
3. LB has been determined to be a success for as long as I can remember.
4. GI Joe pulled this very same shit on me
5. I know exactly how LB feels, I remember it very, very well.

LB and I talked about this a lot and while I'm confident he knows how hard he's worked and I know he doesn't feel guilty for his success, I sure he's hurting just the same.

He knows he has to cut the cord. If it all works out and they get back together, it will be for the best and because it was meant to be.
If it doesn't, well, again, it will be for the best and because it wasn't meant to be.

He asked me if the pain from my break up with GI Joe ever went away.
I told him that of course it did. I pointed out all the good things that came into my life when GI Joe left.
I told him how my life just got better.
And it did, it absolutely did.
But the pain? Nope.
It's still just below the surface.

As thankful as I am, as grateful as I am.
The GI Joe roots run deep and from time to time they ache.
Not for the return of a former life.
But because of the loss.
First loves have a way of rooting into you like that.

You never forget them.
And the hurt, it will always be there, just below the surface.

Why Am I Hungry

Seriously, why am I hungry?

So far today I've had:

Breakfast: Green Monster Smoothie- spinach, mixed frozen berries, a smallish banana, 1 tsp evoo and a cup of non fat skim.
Various vitamins and fish oil pills

Snack: Lemon Greek Yogurt

Lunch: Grilled Chicken Salad with artichoke hearts, chickpeas, rf blue cheese and light italian dressing.
I also had a handful of sesame sticks and a sliver of a brownie.

STILL HUNGRY


It's going to be a long day if this keeps up!!

Small Town Follies Volume 1

It is primary election day in my small town.

My voting place just happens to be at the local church down the street from my house. According to my Dad, he went to Kindergarten there as well.

I typically vote first thing in the morning, however, today I had an early breakfast meeting so I stopped in over lunch.

In the parking lot 7 elderly men were waiting to present me with fliers, tablets, pencils and pens all baring the insignia of their candidate.

Inside another little old man handed me a piece of paper to write my name and first letter of party affiliation on.
(He winked at me when I wrote "R")

From there I walked across fellowship hall to present my paper to the registration "girl as instructed." She was probably 70 and her partner was at lest 80. They both complimented me on my red rain coat and the older one said "Oh I remember you, you're the girl with the pretty ring"
(Mr. Berg picks out great engagement rings, honest)

From there another elderly man, with a walker no less, showed me to my voting booth.

I would like to take a moment to tell you, I was the only voter in the whole place.

He told me I was the youngest voter he'd seen that day.
I'm not sure he could see very well but I took his word for it.

It took me 40 seconds to cast my votes. I had my handy cheat sheet ready of all the candidates I wanted to vote for. I did my homework and double checked my answers with my Dad, another political guru.

I spent the next 40 minutes hanging out with my old folk peeps in the snack bar while I had my lunch.
You see, my voting place is awesome. The church ladies sell breakfast sandwiches, pancakes, scrapple, etc for breakfast and for lunch and dinner there's always turkey sandwiches, pork and sauerkraut and sugar cakes.

And damn those sugar cakes are good :)

Sunday Morning

I've stuck to running.
Granted, I don't get to run as much as I would like, I did run Thursday and again on Sunday.

My Sunday run was amazing. I left the house around 9am and set off around the neighborhood, purposefully taking a new route again.
My ipod was set to shuffle and I was able to listen to an amazing set of music. The air was warm and a little bit humid. I think in the 40 minutes I was outside I might have seen three of my neighbors. Which, coming from a girl who lives in a mega-hood, that's saying something.
I passed many quiet homes who's families were still tucked in their beds, the smell of Saturday night's barbeque's still hung heavy in the air. I passed one house where the children were playing in the yard in their pajamas. It was clear that they'd been up since the early morning and sadly, so were their blurry eyed parents.
I saw a few cars pulling out of the neighborhood on their way to Church. I passed several homes were the smells of dryer sheets and morning bacon wafted past.

It was a morning for me and my music and I loved every minute of it.

Tonight I'm cooking my second fish recipe. Sesame Pineapple Haddock. I'll let you know how it goes. It looks good. Peppers, snap peas, ginger, pineapple, and fish. I can dig it.

I haven't given too much thought to The Beets yet. To be honest, I'm not even sure where to find them in the grocery store. But fear not, I'll find them.

Overall. It's been a great month so far.

I thought about that a lot on my run this weekend. This time a year ago, I was miserable. Work was slow, Mr. Berg was out of town for 5 of 7 weeks. I felt lonely and unfulfilled. This year I couldn't be busiesr, Mr. Berg LOVES his job, I'm fit, I'm healthy and I'm running. Who ever thought I'd be running?

 It's funny how this crazy world we live in takes you on adventures you never thought you'd see. If you just keep your mind open to it. The whole world can be your oyster. You just have to know how to take it.

Smooth Move J-Berg

Okay, so I wrote a post, blogger ate it and now I don't even remember what the post was about.... So we're moving on.


Friday was a shit storm. There is no two ways about it, it was a shit storm.

I got into the office at 8:30 following a morning breakfast meeting.
I didn't sit down until Noon when I left to grab some lunch.

Between 8:30 and Noon, I ran around like a crazy person. There were ducks to put in a row for my afternoon orientation, I had no less then seven phone calls to return and there were some manpower issues to handle. I doing so I realized I made a huge mistake. It was in the process of fixing the mistake I discovered I hadn't actually made a mistake, rather was given wrong information. Okay, easy enough, then I had to deal with a no-good employee.
When you are late to your job site three times in a row in the first week of employment and forget your company issued protective equipment the other two days, we're going to have a problem with it. And thus, you will probably get the boot.

In this case, the "offending" employee did, in fact, get the boot.

I terminated his employement at 11:25am.

I ran into terminated employee at 12:15pm at Subway.

When I saw him I saw "Hi There, how are you?"


I swear the words just flew out of my mouth.....



Nice J-Berg, real nice.

You just fired the guy, how do you think he was?

My Kids

Have I ever mentioned I run an after school mentoring program?     I do.

Tonight is our last night together, the final banquet.
Tonight, my students will get up in front for their parents and peers. They will talk about their experiences and they will show pictures of their events.

And I will be the proudest mama hen you ever did see.

This mentoring program is for high school juniors and seniors who are interested in the construction industry. They students involves are smart, funny and witty. They come from diverse backgrounds, some drive to session in their own cars, some get dropped off my their parents or a friend, one even takes a taxi. Some have nuclear families, others live with their aunt or uncle or foster parent. They are all quick to participate, ready to ask questions and apply the knowledge they've learned.

Not a single one of them is interested in attending a four year college program, very few of them have solid plans after graduation. But with the help of this program, they get a better idea of what's in store for them and how to get involved in their career choices.

When I started this mentoring program, I wanted to teach the students about the opportunities available to them. I wanted them to know that learning doesn't stop at graduation, that success is determined by your drive, your tenacity and your motivations. I wanted to teach them that life is out there waiting for them, it's up to them to determine their own success.

I had no idea how much they would teach me.

In the past year and a half that I've been involved in this program I have learned that patience is a virtue, kids will be kids, and high school is exactly as I remember it: HELL.

I don't have children. But over this school year, I have come to see my students as my own. I challenge them to do better, I praise their accomplishments, I got misty eyed when the shyest of the group finally made some friends.

I also excel in embarrassing the pants off of them:
I had the opportunity to watch one of my students give a speech about his experiences in the mentoring program. When he finished, I have them a standing ovation.

 Does it count as an ovation if you're the only one standing?

A few weeks ago I accompanied another student to an award banquet. His Aunt couldn't be there so I stood in. And even though they instructed everyone not to clap until every student received their award. You better believe I hooted, hollered and made a scene when my student walked on stage.

I love my students. I love how much they've grown, changed and matured over the course of a school year. I love watching them apply the knowledge they learned in prior sessions to their current visit. I love when they ask question of their mentors, when they partner up into teams without me asking.

I hate when I catch them smoking in their cars before a session. I hate when they make poor choices or forget to show up.
What I hate the most?
I really hate that some of them don't have families or people who love them. I hate that they'll start their adult lives feeling lost, unsure of how to become an adult.

And for that, I try my hardest to give them every opportunity to learn about future careers. I introduce them to everyone business owner I can get them in front of and I give as much advice as I can to show them how to interview properly, how to write a resume and how to get in front of people.

They taught me how lucky I am. I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up and I had the people to back me the whole way.

I hope I can be that backer for them. I hope when they aren't sure, they come to me. I hope that I can help them.

I love my kids.
I'm going to be one sad puppy tomorrow when they're gone.

But fear not, come October I'll have a whole new group to embarrass the pants off of. I can't wait.

Monday Challenges

I had two challenges to face yesterday. First I had to run and then I had to cook fish.

Guess what?

I was a total success.

Monday night I laced up my running shoes and took to the neighborhood. I didn't amp myself up for the adventure. I just simply laced up and went.  I prior to starting my running endevour I knew I wanted to keep things fresh and never take the samae route twice. Thankfully, my neighborhood is really big. I have plenty of options.

The first run of the day wasn't pleasent. My legs felt like lead and every pace felt rusty.
Thankfully, by the second run I was moving right along.
Sure, running makes you sore. By the end of the 30 minutes I was ready to be done but I never felt like I couldn't do it. I never felt like I wanted to give up.

Maybe I'll be a runner some day after all?

Moving right along to the fish.

Last night I had two defrosted talapia filets waiting for me.
(I know, I know, frozen fish. But I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing yet, give me a break.)

I decided to bake them per the package instructions and baste them in a lemon garlic sauce I had on hand.
They were delicious and dinner came together in no time flat. Seriously, bake fish for 10 minutes. In the meantime, steam your broccoli, prepare your cous cous and thow some salad in some blows.

Hello, dinner!
Mr. Berg loved it. I was completely impressed with myself.
All in all, it was a good shake up and we're excited to try it again.

And on top of all of that. I've been eating much for cleanly in the past several days then I have in a good while. I cannot believe the engery I have.
I was wide awake at 5am, ready to rock and roll.

Bring it on!

Where'd She Go?

Wednesday night I needed to move some files from my laptop onto a jump drive to bring with me to work. Seeing as I realized this AFTER I got home from work, I didn't bring my trusty "blue" with me. (Blue is my work jump drive, it's blue, thus the name- creative huh?)

Instead I grabbed a spare jump drive from the living room side table and set out to work on my documents.
In the process, I noticed a file labeled "Old Laptop."

Not remembering what it was, I clicked on it.

Little did I know but the files within were a time capsule from many, many years ago.
All of my undergraduate papers where there, catagorized and labeled by class and year.
All of my graduate course work was there too.
And the most better sweet part: Pictures, music files and some old emails. All from the GI Joe Area.

It was amazing to go back to that time in my life.
I went through the music first. SpeakerBox and the Love Below, OAR, Toby Keith, John Mayer, they were all there. A snipet of the songs I studied to, drank to, drove to and lord only knows what else to.
All of those memories, those moments were almost decade ago but for that night, I could relive them all over again. I embraced it, savored it and mourned it all at the same time. College, the best years of my life. I didn't realize how much I missed them until that moment.

Then came time for the pictures. There weren't many, most are in a box somewhere in the guest room.
But what I  found, were powerful. They were two sets.

The first- the last two weekends I spent with GI. There were even pictures of my very last day with him.
A day I hardly remember anymore, but there I was, smiling blissfully.
I can't help but miss who I was, when I look at those pictures, smiling away with the man I swore I'd spend the rest of my life with. That girl was skinnier, tanner and blonder. But she didn't have a friggin clue. She had no idea her hurt would be broken into a million pieces, she had no idea how close she was to big crash.
The life she loved was hanging by it's last thread, and she didn't have a clue.  I wish I would have warned her, not that she would have listened.



The second- pictures of my graduate school graduation. Mr. Berg and Me. My family, Mr. Berg's Dad, my brother, my friends.

I couldn't help but think the girl in those pictures appeared a little bit wiser, a little more knowing and whole lot more aware.
I don't have to tell that girl a thing. She had it all together. As my Meems would say "She had her head on straight."

She picked herself up and moved right along with life. Sure there were days she didn't want to get out of bed becasue she her heart hurt so much. Sure she drank a little too much, kissed a few too many men and spent a few nights calling her ex boyfriend. But in the end, she got it together.
She wrapped herself up in her friends, she made a new life for herself and she got through graduate school while working full time to support herself.
She did alright with herself.

And she is me.



And I couldn't be more proud of her if I tried.

And so.... The Challenge Begins

Technically, I started my month of challenges a day early.

Saturday was beautiful. It needed to be embraced. So I ran.....

Mid morning on Saturday I laced up my sneakers, queued up my Ipod-complete with Couch to 5K Ap and set out on my newest adventure.

It couldn't have been a worse day to run in my neighborhood. It was community yard sale day. Good Grief, there were people every where. But it didn't stop me I weaved in and out of the people, running, walking and grooving to the music.

It was truly awesome.

When the 30 minutes was up, I was in awe of myself. I survived and it wasn't that hard.
I broke a sweat, my breathing was labored at times but when it all came down to it. I had an awesome time.

I couldn't wait to keep moving. So I went home and did some additional work out videos before hitting the shower.

Tonight, after work, will be my second run. I'm really looking forward to it.

So far, I've enjoyed the challenge.

Tonight, running aside, I will be challenging myself again.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm cooking fish!

This evenings menu includes Parmesan cous cous, steamed broccoli with EVOO and Lemon Garlic Tilapia!!
This will be an adventure. Mr. Berg is really excited.
I'm nervous, although, I'm not sure why.
I doubt fish is hard to cook.


So, welcome May.
I'm excited for the adventure :)