The Thing I Never Thought I Could Do

It happened slowly, over the course of several years. It started with a bad, bad break up and my life crashing down around me.

When all the bad things came to a head, I weighed a very, very unhealthy 123 pounds. I'm a petite girl, but not that tiny. You could see my ribs, my hip bones and my face looked sunken in.
Combine a job that left me with little time to sleep or eat and a relationship that was crashing down around me, and you got one very unhealthy J-Berg.

All through my college years I weighed right around 130 pounds. It was a comfortable weight for me. I liked the way my clothes fit, I had muscle and curves and while I was constantly wishing for a trimer waist line, I was happy.

 I started graduate school- I was skin and bones and a depressed mess. I made a point to put some weight back on. By Christmas I was back to 130, I felt and looked healthier. My state of mind had improved and my life was on its way back to normal.

And it continued to get better and since then, it hasn't stopped. It just gets better.

Yes, I get busier, my plate gets fuller but the quality of my life, my relationship with myself, my relationship with my friends, with my husband, with my family, has only gotten better and more fulfilling.

But there's a downside to goodness. By my second semester in graduate school I started putting extra weight on. I was working 50+ hours a week and still going to school full time. My social calender was full between great friends and a wonderful boyfriend.
There was always beer to be drank, pizza to be eaten and ice cream to enjoy.
I got lazy. I made the excuse that I was too busy to work out, so I didn't.

Looking back on those years, I'm positive I could have made time if I wanted to. I just didn't.

When Mr. Berg and I got engaged I made an effort to workout more and watch what I was eating. By our wedidng back I was right around 137 pounds. I was happy with how I looked, but I knew I could do better.

We settled into married life. I made healthy meals, concentrated on healthy lean protien and veggies. But there was still sugar and dessert and not as much exercise as there should have been. I never pushed myself to keep moving. Instead, if I felt tired or lazy I just didn't do it. It never occured to me that if I exercised or ate healthier, it would make me feel better.

When we went on our 1 year anniversary trip, I weighed 142 pounds.
By September, I was 146.

And that's when I cracked. I was convienced I never going to lose weight. I was convenieced I would always be heavy. I had tricked myself into thinking I was doing everything right and still not seeing results.

I knew the only person that could help me, was me. I needed to take control. I needed to hold myself accountable and create structure so that I could succeed.

When I joined WW I knew it would be a long journey. I also knew that it was one that I was doing for myself. I just had to keep going.

And I did.

I've gained, I've lost, I've had great week and terrible weeks. I've survived too much wine, over do it at workouts, a kidney infection, food poisoning, a back injury, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I celebrated victories, beaten myself up over defeat. And through it all I kept at it. One step at a time, one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

And today, all of that paid off.

As of this morning, I have officially lost 10.4 pounds.
I hit the 10 pound mark!
I got a new 5 lb start on my weight chart!
There might have been some happy dancing going on in my office this morning.
I might have did a jig in the bathroom too!!

1.2 pounds to go until I hit goal. I am determined to get there next week. DETERMINED!!

So this morning, I did the thing that I thought I could never do.
I lost the weight.
I'm 10 pounds lighter and I feel AMAZING.

I will celebrate with a work out and a glass of wine.

I can't wait for next Thursday. Bring it on!!

Future Me

Five years ago this month, I was picking up the pieces of my former life. The dust from the great Crash of July 05 had settled and I was gaining my footing in all the newness around me. New job, new apartment, new roommate, new boyfriend, new life...
On December 20th, 2005 I logged onto a website called FutureMe.org.
I wrote myself a letter, set it to email me in 2010 and promptly forgot all about it.

Imagine my surprise when I checked my email yesterday to discover and email titled "Blast From the Bast"

It read something like this:

Dear FutureMe,

2005 was intended to be the year where everything came together. You thought you would be engaged, you thought you would be planning a wedding, you thought you'd be in a successful GA position and you thought you had it all together. But instead, everything fell apart.

But there is so much to be learned from 2005. Look at how resilient you are, look at how far you've come. You picked yourself up, moved yourself on and have had fun with a life that isn't always so easy, even when you think you've got it all planned out.

Remember, life is what happens when you're busy making plans. But keep making those plans, keep setting those goals, keep dreaming big dreams. There is so much more to life then the simple things you think you know, the the complex things you never will.

Keep moving, that's what *MyFormer Last Name's * do- they move.

Did you get married yet? Did you find the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with? I hope you stayed skinny, got your MBA, traveled to places you've never been.

There's so much out there in this world of ours. Do something great, be someone greater!! 2005 was your first real chance at life? Did you take it?

Your biggest fan-

Yourself

I would like to thank my former myself for being so damn resilient. For motoring through some of the roughest times I ever knew.

I was so much more powerful and so much braver then I gave myself credit for.
In 2005 I climbed a huge mountain, but that won't be the only one. There are many, many more mountain a head, some seen, some unseen. I hope I handle then with as much grace and grit as I did before. Was I perfect? Heck no. I spent plenty of time lost in my own mistakes.
But I remained resilient and I kept going.
I hope I'm always that smart.

One Month

Saturday offically marked my one month anniversary with WW.
I stood on the scale for the sake of being accurate and discovered I lost that pesky .2. Thus, I have offically lost 7.2 pounds in one month or 1.8 pounds a week.
That impresses me. I hope it impresses you.

I celebrated by drinking too much wine. That shouldn't surprise you, as it didn't surprise me.

Sunday was full of milestones- both happy and sad.

As I was getting ready to go Christmas shopping with My Mama I discovered a trajedy. Remember those jeans I was telling you about? No, not the skinny ones. The other ones, with the hole in the crotch? (Actually it was more like upper, inner thigh but not really the crotch.... anyway) Well, they died. The small hole I perviously mentioned? Well, it invited a friend over to hang out on the other leg. They both grew. And I discovered, most sadly, that my jeans had two huge holes in them.
Basically the ass of my jeans fell out.  Tragic.

Had a mentioned these were my favorite pair? Yeah, they were.

So I spent my day Christmas shopping in another pair of jeans that were too big. Granted, this made me feel very skinny, but it did little to make up for the fact my favorite pair of blue jeans DIED.

The mourning lasted several hours until I found comfort in a new favorite pair of blue jeans. Skinny Jeans (real skinny jeans, not my "skinny jeans" that are actually boot cut).... oh skinny jeans. I never thought I'd like skinny jeans. But .3 seconds after sliding into a pair at Ann Taylor Loft, I found my newest best friend. They are beautiful. They go so well with my Uggs. All four pairs.....

It's a match made in jean blue heaven.... I will love them completely, until the next great pair of blue jeans finds me.

So in conclusion (I need a conclusion, this post is going nowhere fast).
In one month I have:

• Lost 7.2 Pounds
• Buried my favorite pair of jeans in the trash can
• Found a new favorite pair of jeans at The Loft
• Have worked out 27 times (give or take a few)
• Noticed a remarkable change in my mid-section
• Taken a vitamin every day... EVERY DAY people!!
• Drank gallons of water
• Kicked the ass of the little voice in my head
• Celebrated Success
• Kicked my own ass at failures
• Embraced every minute of it

And I'm so excited to see what the next month brings....


Happy Monday Everyone.

STFU Little Voice

Remember that little voice I was talking about yesterday?
The little voice that tells me I'm fat, that makes fun of the plan that I'm on. The little voice that keeps telling me things are never going to change?

Yeah, I kicked that little voice's behind this morning.

I stepped on the scale, waited for my tally and nearly fell off when the number 140.0 flashed up at me.

I threw my arms up in celebration and let our a silent cheer (Mr. Berg was still asleep). I lost AGAIN. That kind of loss, makes me a huge WINNER.

With one week left in the month of October, I have managed to kiss 6.2 pounds good-freaking-bye.

I am so proud of myself.

And now onto the the upcoming week:

This week poses three potential challenges:

1. Dinner Out with Mr. Berg Friday Night
2. Dinner Out with My Parents Sunday Night
3. Volunteer Night on Tuesday. Pork BBQ and Cupcakes are on the menu.

So let's break it down to manageable pieces.

Friday I am not working out. It is a day of rest for me and much deserved. I'm a little freaked out by this. The little voice inside my head tells me this is the beginning of the downhill slide. (God I hate him).
I say, no, no it is not. Yes, I will go out to dinner with my husband on Friday. I will attempt to make the best choice possible. I will have one glass of wine and I will enjoy myself.

Saturday and Sunday I have workouts scheduled and they are workouts I will do. No question about that.

Sunday night I know where we are going for dinner. I am planning on having a house salad (5pts), a crab cake (4pts), veggies (0-1pts depending), and a glass of wine (2). Which is a grand total of 11 points. I plan on consuming 9 points between breakfast and lunch and getting in a three point work out.  Thus, I will just about break even.

Tuesday I will be fine. I just need to watch my portions. Tuesday is my day of rest for the week. I'm planning on my typical 3.5 point breakfast and a 6 point lunch. If I keep my head about me, and resist the cupcakes. I should be just fine.

I just need to be strict about my eating and my exercise every other day of the week. That won't be hard, I already do that.

So, STFU Little Voice. I win, you lose, end of story.