How To Be Happy, Now or Boot Camp for the Self Entitled Me.

After reading an incredible post by my dear "friend" Blair (and by dear friend, I mean, she has no idea who I am and I'm hopelessly in love with her) I have decided on the theme for my "Fall Goals"

As we've talked about before, I made a list of goals for myself to take me through the end of summer into early fall. I didn't realize it at the time, by my goals almost center around seasons. So, sticking to that "theme" my new goals will be begin September 12th, a week and a few days prior to the first day of Fall.

This season of goals will focus less on the internal me, and more on the external me. So often I find myself focused on what I wish I could have, rather then what I already do.
I can't beging to explain how many hours I've been dreaming of my next vacation. My thoughts are often centered on how happy I could be if I could just go to Sandal's Bahamas or Crusie to Belize. I'm always caught up on how happy I could be if I could have that new Lilly Dress or if I could buy those new pillows from Pottery Barn.

Well, guess what? I've been on some amazing vacations already. I've climbed Dunn's River Falls in Jamaica, I've snorkled beside Bird Island in Antigua. I took a helicopter and hiked on top of a glacier in Alaska for Pete's sake. And I'm unhappy? Girlfriend needs to get some perspective.

I have a closet full of beautiful clothes, I should be happy to have them instead of wishing for Frye boots. I have more handbags then I know what to do with, why do I feel I need another one.

If I'm not careful, I could easily be living beyond my means and in a lot debt trying to live a life I think I need and cannot afford. Americans are in enough trouble as it is, I don't need to add to that lifesyle.

Truth of that matter is this: I have an excellent life. I have an wonderful marriage, incredible parents, an awesome brother and a beautiful home. I am lucky for what I have. I need to hurry up and embrace it. We never know how long we have in life, we never know how long we will get to spend with the people we love. I need to enjoy what I have now.

And so, my goals

1. Do one "out of the ordinary" nice thing for Mr. Berg a week. Out of the ordinary does not mean kiss him good night or pick his underpants off the floor. That's what all good wives do.... atleast that is what I tell myself.
2. Cook or Bake one new recipe a week. I have a kitchen full of wonderful new things thanks to my new marriage and my new house. Time to start using them.
3. Call or Email a close friend every week. I am a terrible, terrible friend when it comes to making phone calls and keeping in touch. Time to put an emphasis on this!
4. Work Out 3 to 4 times a week. I always feel 100% better about myself and my body when I make an effort to move it. Yes, this was a goal last time as well, but until it is enstilled, it needs to stay in the forefront.

I like these goals, I feel comfortable with them. They emcompass a lot of my concerns for myself and my life. Three related to my external life- my husband, my friends, the food that I make for our family and our friends. The fourth ensures I carve out some time for me. Does exercise count as me time? Maybe not. But for now, that will have to do.

As the fall and our season of Thankfullness arrives, it is important for me to recognize what I am thankful for and all of the reasons I have to be thankful.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I have been blessed with both a realitivily functional life and the strength to take on the challenges that it does bring. I need to do a better job of being thankful and embracing all the riches that I have in life.

Look for my new goals check in starting on September 16th.

A Few Randoms

1. The estimate on my car came back yesterday afternoon. It was cheaper then anticipated, however, I have feeling that they might not have caught everything.... we will have to see
2. I couldn't "go" for a few days so I took a few pills to fix my problem. I haven't stopped "going" since I woke up this morning.... problem solved? or problem gained? Depends on how you look at it, I guess
3. I have a physical tomorrow... this means they're going to weigh me. I think I'd rather not.
4. I rocked some yoga yesterday evening. I'm ready to rock some cardio tonight.
5. I am so ready for macaroni and cheese weather... what's with this 90 degree stuff?
6. Family Owned Inc. recently landed a much needed contract. This contract amount is sizable but "not special" as far as our old standards go. Yet, I'm pretty sure every one went home and had a celebratory beer (or wine) last night.
7. On that note, I made celebratory choc. chip banana bread for everyone today. Someone else made brownies... the banana bread is way better if you ask me.
8. And I'm off to "go" again.

Atleast I Was Awake

To make a long story short, I banged up my truck this weekend.
I thought I was turning around and easing myself onto the shoulder of the road. In reality, I eased myself  into a drainage ditch and concrete curb. The resutls: one screwed up rim, one smashed up tire (that fortunately didn't go flat) and a scratched up bumper. I haven't recieved word on a damage estimate, but I'm sure it won't be pretty.

Oh, and I knocked myself out of alignement too. Nice. (There was talk of a bent tie rod. I have no idea what that means but knowing me, it probably happened)

Mr. Berg is not pleased. Not one bit. This could have something to do with the fact that I may or may not be broke and we recently switched insurance companies so a claim probably wouldn't be a good idea.

On top of this, I have to drive his truck this week while my truck is in for repairs.

Since I have been driving for 12 years now, I had to get a lesson on how to drive Mr. Berg's truck. He's really lucky I only just rolled my eyes. I could have said a few things too, but that probably wouldn't help my repair bills get paid......

I would like to mention this. Yes, I broke my car and it's going to cost a lot of money to fix. However, a few years ago Mr. Berg broke his car.

How might you ask? Oh, he fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a tractor trailer.

Yeah, which is worse?

Atleast I was awake.

Who Knew?

As I've said before, many moons ago, before Mr.Berg, there was "the other guy." Best described as GI Joe. He was a major part of my life for 3 years. Three of probably the most bitter sweet years of my life. He was my college boyfriend, an attendee of a military college near mine. We shared a lot of amazing memories and ups and downs in our time together.

For as much as he meant, and still means to me, I don't talk about him very much.Partly because Mr. Berg doesn't like to talk about him. Although I don't wish to ever talk about his ex's either. And mainly, because the scar he left on my heart opens pretty easily.

One thing I need to make clear, before I open up this familiar can of worms is this: He is gone. We do not speak. I do not wish to find him, have him back in my life or rekindle any old flames. He was a very important part of my life, he remains to be so, but mostly from a nolstalgical, "ah those were the days" type of place. He showed me a lot about myself that I never knew. I made a lot of mistakes when it came to him, our relationship and my life. I learned a lot, a continue to learn as the years go by. I appericiate what we had. But no, I do not want it back.

GI Joe was a complicated man. He carried a lot of demons, many of which I probably never knew. And when it comes down to it, he was never right for me. I knew that, but I did my best to ignore it. He was the first person that I ever felt I could change my life for. I later realized that was a bad idea. But for nearly three years, I thought the course I had plotted for myself would be completely different.

I thank God everyday for not sending me in that direction. It would have been a terrible mistake.

But darn it, if every time I hear the Pink song, Who Knew I don't think of him. I always do.

The lyrics about how if "someone said three years from now you'd be long gone, I stand up and punch them out because they're all wrong" always strike me in the scared part of my heart. Even know I can't believe he let me walk away.
I poured everything I had into him. He was the first person to teach me that sometimes your hard work just doesn't pay off. No matter what I did, he couldn't love me. Everyone around me knew he was wrong, but I didn't what to see it. And my friends were wise, they knew I'd figure it out on my own. And I did. And I was completely 100% broken when I left him. I couldn't understand why he couldn't love me the way I felt I deserved to me loved.

I truly thought it was me. I was totally convienced I was unloveable.

After I left GI Joe I spent a lot of time being broken, making more bad decisions, hurting my heart again and again. I figured if I couldn't make him love me, no one probably could. It was a dark, dark time in my life.


Then came Mr. Berg. When he came into my life is when I realized that some people aren't worth changing for, because they'll love you for exactly who you are. And that is Mr. Berg, he has always loved me, just for me.

I can't believe I almost missed it. I can't believe I could have given this up.
If I could say one thing to GI Joe, now that time and distance has taken us in different directions. It would be this:

 Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn from you and to love you. Thank you for the a wonderful moments, thank you for the challenges, for the heart ache, the happiness, and the lessons. And most of all, thank you for letting me walk away.


Who knew?

Look how far we've come,

Life has turned out well for you.

You are where you want to be.

You are home, you are loved

And I am lucky, I am so lucky.

Life turned out well for me too.

I am where I want to be.

I am home and I am loved.

Augh

Over lunch I ran to the Red Dot Boutique to pick up household supplies including vitamins, plastic wrap, pm pain reliever and jet dry.

I kept telling myself I was going to stick to the list to prevent over spending and needless amounts of stuff from piling up in my house.


I came out $50 poorer with vitamins, knockoffadvil pm,  jet dry, 2 birthday cards and body wash.... oh and a diet soda.
I walked back into my office, half way proud of myself until I noticed my shopping list on my blotter.....

Shit! Plastic wrap......


Failure.

The Good, The Bad, The Bloated

Well, I did it. I stepped on the scale this morning. And as anticipated, it was up. Not by a huge amount. But up.

Surprisingly. I stood there, looked at the 1.3 pound gain, shrugged my shoulders and went about my typical morning routine.
There were no tears, no grumbles, not even a smidge of disapointment. I knew I would be up. I was and that's that.

This could have something to do with how my evening went.
Last night my scheduled workout was yoga. I didn't even try to attempt it. By the time I made it home last night my "." had gotten the best of me. I was dizzy, bloated, famished, and battling a huge headache.

So, I did what any normal hormonal woman would do. I sat on the sofa and watched Top Chef reruns while munching on salsa and chips and part of a brownie. (Nope, didn't eat the whole thng. Go me)

Later I came to my senses, made stir fry for dinner and retired to the bedroom while Mr. Berg read for one of his 50million insurance classes.

Since I was in our room. I figured it was time to start clearing out the summer clothes in my closet that I hadn't worn all season.  Not to mention, my closet was a MESS. Seriously, for the past two weeks I had been opening the door, grabbing what I needed and shutting it again before any landslides started. Yeah, that bad.

While piling, sorting and refolding I noticed my pile of "these don't fit/ these are from college jeans". Hmm.... I wondered. Do I want to try?

See where this is going?

I should probably mention. I really, really, really love demin. If I could wear it every day. I would do exactly that. There is nothing more exciting to me then buying a new pair of jeans. 7's, Citizens of Humanity, Chip and Pepper, James.... I love them all and I have them all.

Throwing caution of the wind, I started. Pair by pair, I slid them on and prayed.
Amazingly, all but one pair buttoned and zipped. They were tight, yes. But they were on. And that's more then I can say for a couple of months ago when I tried the exact same experiment.

So, yeah. There was a gain on this almost fall like Thursday morning. But I'm not concerned. I'm back on the band wagon tonight, boot camp work out here I come.
I'm noticing my waist is slimer. My back muscles toner, my arm less flabby and my core tighter.

I feel good. I'm less sluggish. I sleep better at night. I feel better about my body, my apperance. All of these things are wonderful and should be embraced just as much, if not more then a lower number on the scale.

So yeah, I'm bloated. But I'm happy and that is about as good as it gets.

But, I don't wanna.....

Guess what tomorrow is?

Yeah, you guessed it.

Guess what I don't wanna do?

Yep, you guessed right again.

Tomorrow is Thursday. Tomorrow I step onto the scale. I have no desire to even try.

This week is "." week. Get it "." 
I shouldn't complain, I get said "." 4 times a year instead of 12. It lasts 1.5 days. A jumbo box of tampons lasts me all year. But seriously people, the bloat associated with this "time of the season" is no laughing matter.

It is some serious business.

Tomorrow I'll be up, I know it.
Am I ready to face it?
Not on your life.

It should be noted: I've worked out 3 times this week with work outs 4, 5 and 6 all scheduled for the rest of the week. I have eaten nothing bad with the exception of a 150 caloire bag of chips with my lunch today.
I have no reason to fear, except for my stupid "."

Arughght.

I'll be back to bitch  discuss my feelings tomorrow.

Pray for me.

Grocery Store Stories

My small town is a strange place. We have a nice assortment of characters, most of which vary from fashion plates to simple minded whack-a-doos.

Fortunately, or unfortunately- depending on how you look at it, the simple minded whack-a-doos all seem to congregate at my local grocery store.

Behold, my rather random observations:

• Saturday 8:38am- I witnessed an over weight woman in shorty short sweat shorts and a tank top (no bra, of course) pushing her vastly over weight toddler in a shopping cart. The little boy, wearing only a diaper was eating buffalo wings and tossing the bones onto the floor in each aisle. Their path was easier to follow then Hanzel and Gretel's.
• A different Saturday 9:45am- Tall skinny woman in tight jeans, lingerie top and leather jacket (please notes it was 85 degrees and 100% humidity outside.) I'm pretty sure she was either a hooker or I was witnesses to a walk of shame grocery store pit stop. She only purchased a case of diet coke and two bags of chips and used a couon. Savy hooker, that one.
• A random Thursday morning 6:45am- An old man dressed in overalls purchasing three donuts, a container of coffee, two bags of beef jerky and a pound of bacon. He told me he ran out of essentials. I nearly died laughing.
• This past Saturday: A man about Mr. President's age wondering aimlessly around the store holding a shopping list. He asked me for help and I discovered he hadn't been in a grocery store in 20 years. His wife recently had surgery and couldn't do the shopping. I basically had him follow me around the store and walked him through his list. He was hysterical and obviously had no idea what he was doing.

Like Father Like Daughter

A recent converstations with my Dad:

Mr. President: How's your thumb?
J-Berg: It's healing. However, if I squeeze it blood comes out the spot where it hasn't sealed up yet
MP: Oh yeah, let me look at it
{squeezes thumb, blood comes out}
MP: Yeah, you probbably shouldn't do that
JB: I figured as much

A Pleasant Surprise

Today is Thursday. Thursday is weigh in day.

dun-dun-duunnnnnnn!

I was not happy about stepping on the scale this morning. I didn't weigh in last week, I didn't work towards many of my goals last week, I didn't work out last week at all.

However, I was purposeful in monitoring what I ate and I tried to keep a lid on it. Despite my copious wine and beer drinking. (Girl's gotta do something to keep her occupied, am I right?)
Having taken the week off of working out, I got back into gear on Sunday. I took it easy with my favorite Pilate's DVD. Monday and Wednesday- hardcore cardio, Tuesday and this evening, Pilate's.

I stepped cautiously on the scale this morning. Having already inspected my naked self, I assumed I'd have held steady from two weeks ago, although I wouldn't have been surprised to see a small gain.

Well butter my biscuits people, I lost .8.
Yup, that's almost a whole pound. Which over two weeks is rather ehhh, however, I was still impressed.

I have two more pounds to go to complete my goal. You better believe I'll be pushing hardcore to get there.
I still have a ways to go. After I meet this goal, I have 7 more to go. Can I do it? Yes, yes I can.

Will it be hard, yes, yes it will.

However, I keep reminding myself of the following:
- It's hard to lose weight
- I don't have a lot to lose, thus is takes longer to get it off
- No pain, no gain
- I'm not out for fade diet results. I'd rather go slowly and keep it off

Speaking of goals. Early September will be here before I know it,  time for a whole new set of goals.

While I'm not sure what my new goals will be officially, I do know I will stick to the eight week premises.
Eight weeks is long enough to accomplish something and short enough to not be daunting.

So far in this eight week adventure:

• I have read 3.5 of my 6 book goal
• I have meet my goal of working out 3-4 times a week every week except last week
• I have lost a total of 3.7 pound.

Wow, that's slow progress. But progress none the less. And that people, it was I'm striving for, progress.....

Things I Learned This Weekend

1. Saturday morning hangovers are miserable. But when you're hung over with your Momma and LB's girlfriend it's not as bad. At least you have people to comiserate with.
2. I can never walk into an Ann Taylor Loft Outlet just to have a look. I will come out atleast $200 poorer... it's like the rule.
3. No matter how hard he tries, Mr. Berg will never be good at picking crabs. He's too anal.
4. Beer tastes better in frozen mugs. It also leads to Number 1. (But we already established that.)
5. Mr. Berg will make you leave before anyone else does so he can get home to mow the lawn. It will rain the whole way home, thus making impossible to the mow the lawn.
6. No matter what the set up is for the cats while we're away. Fat Cat will be fine. Sophie will be pissed and refuse to talk to you.
7. Sneaking shopping bags into the house is easier then it sounds. After all, I am a professional shopping bag sneaker. :)

All in all it was a fantastic weekend. Mr. President had a fantastic birthday. We had a wonderful, wonderful time all together as one big happy family.

I wish I could have more weekends just that like that one. But sadly, the weekend came to and end and we all had to go home and be adults again. Booo.

Back to accomplishing goals and vacuuming. Such is life.

Randomly Random... An Assortment of Thoughts (bulleted to look pretty)

• I've had a headache since yesterday. I'm blaming the weather system moving though our area for this. It sucks, but we so need the rain.
• Today I'm wearing my prettiest of dresses. It is black and white and slightly poofy. One of my apprentices graduates tonight. I figured this was as good of an occasion as any to wear it.
• Diet Pepsi is my life saver.
• I've given myself the week off on my goals. I can't exercise thanks to the bum thumb. However, I am ready to jump back on the wagon come Sunday.
• Speaking of the bum thumb, it is UGLY. The tear is now purple and the edge is scalloped. Grossness.
• I have evolved to lazy wife status. Typically I wash our sheets once a week, wash our towels twice a week and vacuum/ dust every other day. I think I vacuumed on Monday. Haven't washed a thing since some time last week and I probably won't until Sunday.
• Mr. President's birthday is on Saturday. We'll be 'down at the shore' come Friday night. Can't wait!
• Sophie Cat is so glad FIL is gone. FIL talks to both Fat Cat and Sophie Cat with a baby voice. Fat Cat thinks this is amazing. Sophie Cat is far to advanced for this type of nonsense. She spent her entire weekend giving FIL the side eye and took up residence in the basement. She only emerged for food and adult converstation.
• My funk still comes and goes. I've noticed a direct corelation between diet and exercise and the lack of funk in my life. However, there are still days when I let it win and don't take care of myself. There is no excuse for this.
• Tonight between the hours of 4 and 10pm I will spend 4 hours in my car. I am so not excited.
• Next week's menu has been planned. Good Stuff to come.
• I'm looking foward to spending time one on one time with my husband this weekend. We've been so busy, we haven't spent time together and I miss him.

Mortal Injury, My Father in Law & How I Survived My Weekend

First things first, FIL (my father in-law) was in for a visit this weekend. He's a wonderful house guest- easy to please, low maintenance, goes with the flow. I have to keep reminding myself of these things when:

• He shows up at our house with 6 bottles of salad dressing, 3 jars of pickles, my birthday gift (do not open until September), our Christmas Gifts (again, no opening until Christmas) and Dave's birthday gift (April....)
• He brings us pancake mix that has been in his freezer for over a year
• The TV is blaring at top volume at 6am because he can't hear and refuses hearing aids
• He will only consider watching Whale Wars, Modern Marvels and The News
• He's constantly screaming "what?" at me because he can't hear

Trust me, he's a wonderful man. I love having him visit, I love it when it leaves even more. But then Mr. Berg and I both miss him when he's gone.
It should also be noted the presents he brought are from Mr. Berg's mother. Not FIL. FIL will send his presents when the birthday or holiday rolls around. Not 5 to 10 months in advance.

Sunday Mr. Berg and FIL left our house early to have breakfast and go shoot things at the "local" (an hour away) shooting range.

I set out to prep dinner for our family cook out later in the evening. I made homemade salsa, baked beans, steak salad and rolls without incident while talking to two cats and watching the food network. Moments before heading off to my workout I remembered I needed to prep some salad for this week.

Cue ominous music.
With the TV off, cats asleep and zero distractions I managed to cut a huge (okay maybe 2 cm) gash into my left thumb. It was U shaped. Bleeding like mother-you-know-what and had a flap. And it didn't look like a band aid was going to fix it.

I tried.

It got soaked and fell off..... crap!!

So I consulted Mr. Berg over the phone. Told him to continue shooting, I'd find other people to rescue me. Called my brother, told him the story. We both nearly passed out from the very thought of it (we don't do blood) and decided I should go to Urgent Care.
So I drove myself, while chatting to LB on my phone and keeping pressure on my thumb. That was a site. Little blond girl in a giant SUV, one hand holding a blackberry, the other hand had for fingers on the steering wheel and a thumb stuck straight up in the air with a bloody paper towel wrapped around it.

I arrived, consulted a nurse who took one look at my war wound and said "go sit down, you need stitches."

People, I nearly lost my lucky charms right there.

2 hours and one painful irrigation later (seriously, if the bleeding stopped, why do you want to make it bleed again? That just makes it worse for the wienies like myself). A doctor with short man's syndrome decided that while stitches would be effective, skin glue would be even more fun.

Fun? Skin Glue, no. Skin Glue is not fun. SKIN.GLUE.BURNS.LIKE.A.MOTHER-YOU-KNOW-WHAT.

And I didn't even get a fricking lolly-pop.

I consoled myself with half a bottle of wine at dinner.
eff the candy, bring on the booze.

Well, that was gross

Here's something you didn't know about me: I'm so pale that I'm nearly transparent. Yes, it's true. Blond hair, blue eyes and pale, pale, pale. That's me, J-Berg.

Mr. President isn't very pale, My Momma is pretty pale, and together they created two very pale children- LB and me.

When it comes to skin we're all very lucky, none of us tan well. We have moles, moles and more moles and most of us have had at least two if not three million moles removed in our life times. LB actually had to get knocked out he had so many to remove. I think the our Dermatologist (who probably bought a boat with the cash he made off us) said he removed 208 moles from LB in one "knock out" sitting.

So yeah, we know a lot about moles, skin cancer, beach umbrellas and 100 SPF sunscreen.

Recently My Momma had a mole removed. Our derm. told her it probably wasn't a big deal but she'd take it off anyway. Guess what.... melanoma.

Yeah... not cool.

Do you know what happens when you have a melanoma removed? You have to go back and have even more skin removed. It's the epitome of grossness.
Unfortunately, Mr. President had a very important meeting at Family Owned Inc. so I was recruited to be Momma's moral support.

This was not a smart assignment by any means. I don't do blood. I don't do needles. I mean it, I can't. I physically CANNOT do it.
(A few months ago I had to have blood drawn, just two vials. I nearly died. I got hot, sweaty, almost passed out and nearly tossed my cookies all over the annex. I'm a wienie and I know it. I own my wienieness. And if you think I'm bad, you should see LB. He does pass out, often)

But, I'm a good daughter and my mom took me to how many doctor's apt. when I was a wee-child. So, I sucked it up and off I went.

It wasn't so bad. The way the doctor stood, he blocked the view of the actual procedure. Thus, my role was to sit there, look pretty and tell Momma a 101 stories to make her laugh. I did my job well.

Until the skin was removed. Dr. man flipped the excised (did I use the term right? Watching Grey's pays off people) skin onto the tray like it was a piece of mulch in the yard.

(shutters)

I almost didn't notice it at first. But, when I did notice, I hadno idea what it was. And then it hit me. That's My Momma's skin. All the many layers for it. Folks, it was like the skin diagram we all studied in science class. It was GROSS.

However, I am pleased to say I did not pass out. I didn't vomit, heck I didn't even dry-heave. Nope. I was a good moral supporter.

Momma has 18 stitches and strict orders not to anything tonight. Mr. President and LB are in charge. Things around their house should get pretty interesting tonight.

Meanwhile I'm off to try to flush the image of excised skin out of my brain. Remember kids, once you see something gross, you can never unsee it.

True story!

Bad Habit or The Naked Laundry Dash....

Before I lived with Mr. Berg, I lived with Mr. President and My Momma. It was at their house that I first developed a very, very bad habit.

Being a custom home builder, Mr. President is constantly evolving the house he shares with My Momma. If they don't like something they change it, if they'd rather something was some where else, they move it. Thus, some where in the many renovations their laundry room was moved from the first floor mud room to the 2nd floor, just steps away from my room.

See where this is going....

While living with the rents, I always did my own laundry. I'd often start my laundry after getting home from work or the gym. Thus, while throwing in my laundry, I would often strip down, throw in my sweaty gym clothes and make the mad naked dash to my room.

It should also be noted... all of the bedrooms at the rents house are on one end of the house, with the exception of my room.... convienentialy located on the other end of the house, next to the laundry room.

I've continued my naked laundry doing ways since moving into our house on the hill with Mr. Berg. Unfortunately, my laundry set up isn't as sweet. Our laundry closet (yeah, boooo) is located on the first floor, within direct lines of visions from the powder room window and the windows next to the front door.

Again..... booooo.

So, last night after working out and preparing dinner I found myself once again doing laundry. And of course, the laundry strip down was performed. As I was making the naked dash up the steps to our bedroom I hear car stores slamming in the driveway.

Had I been minutes, even seconds later then I was Mr. President and My Momma would have been in for one heck of a show. Their first born daugther, their pride and job, their responsible child, doing laundry in the nude....

Yep, there's a entry for the baby book ladies and gentlemen.

So How's It Going?

Hmmffpttt.

There are days when all I want to do it stick to my funk. The funk-loving part of my brain says "Well, we're here we might stick around and see what happens." I really, really hate the funk-lover. No good can come from that, seriously people. No good...

So here's the break down on my day. I woke up butt crack of dawn early to get into work for our twice monthly management meeting. Managemnet meetings are the worst! We sit in a circle, clutching onto the arm rests of our chairs, waiting for poision laced darts to  be shot at us. It's bad. All of us play a roll, there's Mr. No Idea is a Good Idea, Mr. Defiant, Mr. You Can't Do Anything Right, Mr. Annoying, someone is always in a bad mood and someone is never paying attention.

I got into management meeting with butt checks clenched and a very thick shell. Granted, mangement meetings are always informative, we all leave on the same page, we all continue to progress... it's just not a lot of fun. It's more like pulling of a band-aid VERY, VERY slowly.

So there was that. Then, I ran to the grocery store over lunch to do my weekly grocery shopping... what a load of fun that was.
When it comes to my grocery shopping, this is how it's done: The first week of every month I buy my week's worth of perrishables and all the none persishables for the month. I'm organized (anal) and plan out my meals for the month. Then I break down my grocery lists into what I need for each week. Upfront it is time consuming but overall, it makes grocery shopping a lot easier and my bills cheaper. Yes, the first week of the month is always expensive but I know to plan for it, use lots of coupons etc. etc.
With the economy in the tank and Family Owned Inc. operating well below normal, my pay has been cut and my health insurance costs have increased. Which means my weekly take home pay is like.... nothing....
Thus, weekly trips to the grocery store cause panic attacks. The first grocery store trip of every month requires xanax.
While motoring through the grocery store at marathon speed I ran into an old co-worker. She was laid off in the early spring. I know she's having a much harder time then I am right now. I know she's watching her pennies even more closely then I am. I couldn't help but notice as she inspected the items in my cart. I couldn't help but notice how few were in hers..... although she had a litte cart, I had a big one... so maybe she just needed a few things.
I wish I could have told her how I was about to hold my breath in the check outline and hope I could afford my groceries and gas this week with a few dollars left over for my nail appointment. I wish she knew how badly I felt that I had a job and she didn't.
The best I could offer her was that I hope she found a new job soon, that I would keep my eyes open for her and that I would continue to wish her the best.
It didn't help my funk. It didn't make anything better. If anything, it was another grim reminder that this "situation" we are all in is the pits.

So, today, instead of letting the funk win. I hope I can put it all in perspective.
When it comes to my goals. I just completed week three of nine. I've stuck to my goal of working out three to four times a week. Week one I worked out three times, weeks two and three I got in for workouts each time. I've read three books and am well on my way to my goal of 7. And finally, I have lost 2 pounds. Most of which took place in week 2, but who cares.

There's a lot of big stuff that sucks right now in my life. But there's a lot of smaller things that don't suck. In fact, there are a lot of little things that are really awesome. So for now, I'll continue to focus on them. And hope that there are the key to making my big picture a whole lot brighter.

Ps. While I was at the grocery store I didn't buy any pretzel m&ms. That's a huge accomplishment.