The Story I'm Not Allow to Tell in Real Life.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of traumatic trip, that started at the urologist office, the day my husband went to get sniped! (Okay, that's close enough to the Gilligan's theme song)


So, my husband got a vasectomy.

And before you start in on how the baby is only sixmonths old, isn't that a little rushed, etc. etc. Let me tell you this: Once upon a time we dreamed of getting married, have two baby boys and calling our family complete. Fast forward a couple of years and we're married, we have two baby boys and my doctor has kindly asked that we not have anymore babies. Here's why: I came dangerously close to bleeding to death when I had Ryan, I had another pretty close call with Jacob. Yes, less scary, but scary none the less. We're pretty sure a third time would not be a charm,

That, and we hit our deductible and out of pocket maximum this year, thus earning us a free vasectomy


Isn't that special? Our hands our full and we earned a free medical procedure.


My husband made me swear up and down, on a bible, on top of a grave, that I would not tell a soul about his procedure.

So naturally, I told my mom, my co-worker, two moms at daycare and well, all of you.

All secrets are safe with me.... or something like that......


So anyway.....

Back in September my husband had his initial appointment with the urologist to discuss the procedure. Being the team player (read: nosy wife) that I am, I went along for moral support. I didn't really have questions or anything to add, google had already taught me what I needed to know.... or so I thought.

What google did not tell me was that I'd be made to watch an "educational" video prior to talking with the doctor. Worse yet, it was really just an infomercial, produced in the 80's that included animated erections, real live scrotums and a diagram of ejaculations with and without swimmers that looked similar to pac-man.

I could not deal. Not even a little bit... I laughed so hard there were tears rolling down my face. At certain parts I had to cover my eyes. Meanwhile Mr. Berg is sitting in the chair next to me with a murderous look on his face. Clearly, this was not going well.

By the time the doctor finally arrived, I had gotten over that fact we were there to talk about penises, my husband's in particular. I also realized about half way through our meeting that I knew him. I went to high school with his son.... and had a major crush on said son... All things I kept to myself.

Long story short, all of our my husband's questions were answers, we schedule the date for the procedure and went our merry way.

Until three days prior to the procedure when my husband decided to ask his friend about his procedure experience....

You know how we all have that one overly dramatic, pain in the ass friend, who always had the worst experience at whatever it was you're doing in the near future.... yeah, he's that friend.

Why, Husband? Why?

Ensure melt down about how our doctor's office won't give my husband any hard drugs and how his balls are basically going to fall off and how much pain he will be in FOR MONTHS, YEARS EVEN.

Yeah... not buying it.

I spent many hours smiling, nodding and fake sympathizing. Dude- unless you're going to piss a TV out of your penis, it's not going to trump child birth.... EVER.

By procedure day, I was ready to cancel and tie my own tubes.... the tubes my husband refused to let me tie after I had Jacob because "I'd been through enough already." His words, not mine.

Thankfully, my husband woke up on procedure day without any dramatic notions. However, I did have to promise (again) that I wouldn't tell anyone, not even anyone in the waiting room. Which, I didn't. However, the cat went way out of the bag after he got called back.

As I was sitting in the waiting room, minding my own business, waiting for all to be said and done, a nurse stuck her head out of the door to the exam rooms and said "Mrs. Berg..... the doctor just finished the first side, he'll be cutting the tube to the other side momentarily."

I died right then and there.... along with the seven other people in the waiting room who were trying not to obviously look at me while stifling their laughter. 

Mr. Berg was none the wiser when he returned to the waiting room 30 minutes later.

And thankfully, exactly 48 hours after his procedure he declared his friend the biggest wuss alive and returned to life as normal.

Me in Progress

I have started and stopped this post so many times. I've written long paragraphs, typed out bullet points, agonized over sentence structure.... only to turn around and delete what I wrote because it just didn't feel right. It didn't feel like me.

As of today I've been back to work for 7 weeks. In that time I stared out with a bang, everything on point. It lasted a week. Then we all got sick with the germs from hades. As soon as we recovered from the germs from hades, Jacob decided to hit the fourth month sleep regression with gusto. Fun right? We no sooner got over that hump and Mr. Berg decided to take his last class for his master's degree. While this is fantastic, it really is, it left me alone with two kids... A LOT.

What does this list of excuses me to you? It means I'd no sooner find my footing, only to lose it again.... but isn't that life?....... Probably.


For six weeks I rode the wave, without putting any emphasis on me. I didn't work out, I didn't follow any type of eating plan, although I remained mindful. I didn't gain any weight. I didn't really drop any either, maybe about 5 pounds? I've been through bouts of negative self talk, I've reminded myself that it all takes time. I've pondered joining weight watcher, getting liposuction, wiring my jaw shut and giving up wine. 

Give up wine? Jessica, seriously?

I've realized over the past week or so that my life is always going to be crazy, having two kids does that to a person. The more I plan, the better off I am. 4:30am really, truly is the only time I'm ever going to get a work out in, I'm just going to have to get over it. I'll always be a work in progress. Why on God's green earth would I ever give up wine? That's just stupid.

I gave up working out and all the things I need to get back to feeling like me because I was having a hard time putting me first. That's the long and the short of it. The only way I'm ever going to reach the goals I want to reach is to make myself a priority. 

The Germs from Hades

Within the first weeks after I returned to work after having had Ryan, our entire house was sick. Mr. Berg and I lovingly referred to it as the germs from hell. 

Having used up all my personal time on maternity leave and refusing to play the "I'm too sick to come into work" card (we just don't do that in my family) I found myself hacking at my desk, surrounded by tissues, hot tea and cough drops.

My Dad came to visit me on his daily walk around the office and found me in my pathetic state, blurry eyed, staring at a computer screen trying my best to be productive. He laughed and told me this:

Just wait, the next five years will be the sickest of your life! I remember when your mom and I had you and your brother. Someone in the house was always sick. Just wait, you'll have another and the germs will multiply.


I never forgot that statement. So today, once again, I report live from my desk, surrounded by tissues, hot tea and cough drops. I (gasp) took the afternoon off yesterday since I have a strict don't come to work with a fever policy.... Well, technically, I kind of broke that rule, but my fever wasn't confirmed until 11:30am.


Anyway...


We're all sick.

I keep reminding myself to practice grace (and good hand washing).


Here's hoping for a better next week. One that doesn't kill us all.

Grace and the Working Mom

I returned to work three weeks ago.

I anticipated it being a really hard day for me, however, it ended up being a pretty good one. I credit the fact that I was still on a high from my brother's wedding the previous Friday, an awesome daycare that ensure I don't have to worry (too much) about my children while they're there, and having started transitioning back to work  a two days a week for a couple of hours started at 8 weeks. Being thrown into a 5 hour budget meeting within 15 minutes of walking in the door also helps, no easy transitioning for this girl.

All in all, the whole "going back to work" thing hasn't been terrible. The first week Jacob slept like a champ, which allowed me the opportunity to work out every morning before heading into work. The second week we decided to transition from the rock and play to the crib. So, no one got any sleep and my workoutd fell by the way side. I got my workout in yesterday morning but didn't today as Jacob decided he'd like to be awake just for shits and giggles.... thanks kid!

I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I have a four month old and I'm not the ever consistent Skinny Meg, there will be missed workouts. There will be times when I sneak my kid's jelly beans and eating cold left over macaroni and cheese for the fridge will happen.

Last week Mr. Berg and I both had a few late nights for work related things. I had to work on my birthday. Because Ryan is so into birthdays and loves the idea of birthday parties we didn't tell him about my birthday until Saturday. I didn't realize how bummed I'd be about it. But, I really was. It wasn't the fact that I didn't get a cake or that my birthday once again fell on a inconvenient day., it was the fact that I didn't get to share it with my sons. While my husband was at home wrangling children, I was sitting on the floor of the registration area, while apprenticeship orientation took place, putting together snack bags for Ryan's daycare class. He was to be the special student the following day and there was no way he was going to school without the best prepackaged snacks this mom could offer.

My mom always made homemade treats. There are kids in his class that send in homemade treats every time. I had every intention to make banana muffins....  Ryan brought Frozen themed bags of pretzels and apple sauce pouches (the organic kind no less).

I am learning that being a mom requires the giving of a lot of grace. It means overlooking the fact that you came home to a huge mess the night your husband had the kids on his own. Afterall, the kids are happy, well fed and in bed. It means laughing at yourself when you realized you brought your infants bottles to school without the nipples or saying yes to that extra bag of fruit snacks so you can have five minutes to get dinner out of the crock pot and onto plates.

I am not perfect. I've fallen down on the job at work and at home more times then I'd care to count in the last three weeks. But I keep going.

I keep going because I love my family, I love my job and I believe that wearing both hats it part of my make up. My life before children is a blur.  Mr. Berg and I often wonder what life was like before we had our boys. My life with children is equal parts hard and fulfilling and a whole lot of wonderful.
I love my family, I love my job and I truly believe I can have both.

Will it be perfect? No
Will there be days I'm ready to throw in the towel? Absolutely
Should I start apologizing to my liver about the excessive wine consumption? Probably

Here's to grace
Here's to doing what you do
Here's to owning it
Only you can be you.

He's Here

Jacob David arrived on Sunday May 24th at 11:38pm. He is absolutely perfect. His delivery was absolutely perfect and since he's been home he's only been waking once a night to eat. In other words, I couldn't ask for better.

I've thought about blogging a lot in the past 8 days since he arrived but I've had trouble putting my fingers to the keys. Sure, I'm certainly busy with a toddler, a new born and a husband. But, truly, I don't really know what to tell you.

I could tell you about how I was labeled "the vomit-er" in labor and delivery. 

I could tell you how amazing it was that every time my blood pressure cuff went off, and it went off a lot, it resulted in a perfectly normal albeit low reading.

I could tell you how back labor feel like being stabbed in the kidney.

I could tell you about how different it was to give birth with only three medical personnel in the room, instead of 17.

I could tell you how amazing it was to only face minor bleeding issues after delivery that resulted in the need for low dose iron instead of transfusions and other scary things.

I could tell you about how I don't need to wear long sleeves to cover the bruises from blown ivs and more blood draws then I could count, because I only have one tiny bruise that no one notices anyway.

I could tell you how euphoric this whole experience has been. How I didn't realize how robbed I was of my first maternity leave until I started my second one.

But honestly, I'm too busy enjoying all of this to give much thought to all of that.

39 Week Update

How far along are you:  39 Weeks- unbelievable 

Fruit/ Veggie: Baby Boy the size of a small watermelon. I can totally believe that.

The Bump: It is huge and very different from Ryan's. This bump is completely round and sticks straight out. I thought Ryan's bump was big, ha! This bump makes my last bump look trivial. 

Gender: Baby Boy

Stretch Marks: One teeny tiny one just above my belly button. It's almost cute. Honestly, it's probably in the best spot ever. It's between my old belly button piercing hole and my actual belly button. Chances are, it won't be noticeable if my stomach ever goes back to it's normal size.

Sleep: Not bad at all lately. I sleep really solidly with one or two wake ups to use the restroom. However, I'm really good at getting back to sleep quickly.

Cravings: Nothing. Honestly, I really, really don't feel compelled to eat right now period.

What Makes Me Wanna Gag: Nothing really.

Exercise: OMG, how would I even try that right now.
Actually..... here's my exercise...
My two year old has decided he's ready to start using the potty. Thus my exercise is sitting on the floor, undressing, lifting a little one onto the potty, off of the potty, redressing said little one and standing back up 95x a day.

Mood: I'm so sick of Bump Watch 2015 and the hundreds of inappropriate comments I receive on the regular. I nearly took a guys head off in the post office yesterday but somehow remained calm. There is an administrative assistant in my office that might get murdered if she says one more thing. I know she means well, but she's over stepping. 

Movement: He's still moving, just less. It's scared me at first, it still scares me. But based on the movement guidelines my doctor gave me, he's still within normal range. He's probably just running out of room.

Favorite thing this week: Crossing things off the to do list... does that count?

Excited For: Baby Boy to get here. I'm nervous for labor. My Type A Personality really loved having the scheduled induction because I could plan for it. Not knowing if that's happening this time is a little nerve wracking. I'm hoping he either goes late and we go the induction route or my water just up and breaks. I really don't want to go through the guessing game of contractions/real labor v false labor/braxton hicks.


As of 4:30pm yesterday, I officially attended every meeting I needed to attend, accomplished every big thing on my to do list, and made every phone call I needed to make. It is all down hill from here.

Sure, there are things to be done and people to see but still.... It's all down hill from here. 

Nearing the End....

My due date is a week from tomorrow......

I'll let that sink in for moment.



HOLY SHIT Y'ALL!!! My due date is a week from tomorrow.


Will I make it to my due date? Will I go over due? Will Baby Boy show up tomorrow?

I have no freaking clue....
But I can tell you the following....


My doctor wanted to pull me out of work as of Monday due to the following:
-Low platelet count- not scary low, but low enough
-Anemia, I'm forever battling anemia... it's not as severe as it has been in the past but it's still there
- Decreased fetal movement and lower then usual heart rate (Still within normal range but low this baby)
-  Slightly, ever so slightly, increased blood pressure (still within normal range but higher for me)
-I haven't gained an ounce in 10 weeks.... I couldn't do that if I tried prior to being pregnant

As my doctor put it Monday, if I were any other patient she wouldn't raise an eyebrow at any of this. But based on my history, the combination of issues has her concerned enough that she wants me to get some extra rest.

I hate admitting to any of this because I feel like I'm admitting defeat. But in reality, she's erring on the side of caution and that's fine by me. 

Just in case you were wondering: I had an NST at my appointment on Monday and everything with Baby Boy is just fine. Little man was just sleeping and making us worry over nothing. He passed the NST with flying colors and we even found out I'm having some minor contractions. All good things.

However, I'm still working, because life happens.

I don't have your regular 8-5 job. I am a Human Resources Director, I own the company I work at. I don't get vacation days/maternity leave/time off like an regular employee. I just have to balance.

Between my husband, my doctor and I, we came up with a plan. I will be in my office between 4-5 hours a day and then home. And by home, I mean on the sofa, feet up, drinking water, staying cool, not moving.

(You should know that as of 8:45am on Wedneday, I'm already bored. I'm caught up on NCIS, NCIS New Orleans and Southern Charm.... aka my stories)

Boredom aside,I'm trying my best to stick to the plan.
Monday, I aced it.
Yesterday I had to make it work... sorta. I had a morning appointment and my right arm at work was on vacation so I was in the office more then necessary.
Today.. I'm probably only getting 2 hours of rest but I'm really, really trying.

Today is supposed to be my very last must attend event. And by must attend, I mean it. If I went into labor last night, I'd be hanging upside by my ankles right now in an effort to be available for this meeting.

Thankfully, Baby Boy is cooperating. Sometimes I wonder if he just knows he needs to stay put or if I'm just getting lucky. Either way, I'll take it.

But after today, my schedule has been cleared and any important things that need to take place will do so between the hours of 8am and Noon.

Honestly, I'm grateful for the forced quiet time. It's kind of nice to be home alone, watching something that isn't kid friendly and quietly tapping away at my laptop.

Now we just need Little Man to arrive.... Whenever you're ready kiddo :)

Three Weeks.... Tops....

At my doctor's appointment on Tuesday my doctor reminded me that at most, I had three weeks left of being pregnant as of today.

That's right..... should Baby Boy be late, I will be induced no later then June 5th. Is that not totally crazy?

Truly there is some relief in knowing that there is an end date in play should we need it. Depending on which doctor decides to do the scheduling I'll either have an induction date set this coming Monday at my "almost 39 week appointment" or the following Tuesday at my "almost 40 week appointment."

{Isn't it fun to have your apts in the being of the week and your dating day towards the end of the week?}


So we'll see.


I don't know if we will have need for an induction date or not this time around, but I'm guessing he'll be on his due date or later. 

Honestly, I don't feel ready to be done. I've had a lot of pregnant friend that got this far along into their pregnancies and started feeling uncomfortable or crappy. I haven't reached that point yet. Yes, by the time evening rolls around, I feel pretty tired and uncomfortable but still good. 

Overall, I'm pretty content and I can't ask for much better then that.

Should he come tomorrow, next week, on his due date or need an eviction, it's all good. 

38 Week Progress

How far along are you:  38 weeks- how is that even possible?

Fruit/ Veggie: Baby Boy is as long as a leek and weights approx 6.8 pounds according to my research. If this is in fact the case, he would be longer and heavier then his brother was at birth (8 days late). I'm just going to go out on a limb and say he's smaller then that.

The Bump: It is such a conversation starter, let me tell you. Everyone wants to weigh in on whether or not I've dropped yet.... no, I haven't. Everyone wants to touch it.... no, not a good idea. Everyone has a comment on it. And by everyone I mean EVERYONE.

Hands and comments to yourselves, people.

Except for the young woman at the spa yesterday that said "You look so cute. You're all belly and so tiny everywhere else."
Yes- she was totally full of shit and lying her sweet butt off but I'll take it!

Gender: Still a boy... He has a middle and last name now. He doesn't have a locked in first name but we have two contenders. So, we will find out what suits him when he gets here.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new, still

Sleep: Lately, very solid. I still wake up to pee but I get right back to sleep which is great, really, really great.

Cravings: I satisfied my Cherry Limeade craving on Sunday and my lemonade craving last night.
I still want something other then water in the early afternoon. I'm trying not to drink my calories for the day, so I just make due with water.

What Makes Me Wanna Gag: Last night I sat at the kitchen counter to entertain Mr. Berg while he did all the chores I normally do- load the dish washer, clean up dishes, etc. I could smell the plate he ate his dinner off of and it literally made me want to vomit. How lovely, right?

Exercise: General movement has been my exercise lately. It's pathetic how long it takes me to get going first thing in the mornings and by the early evening.

Mood: While I have never had a high tolerance for bullshit. I really, really don't at all right now. Look out! Otherwise, I feel pretty good and I'm happy and content 90% of the time.
But I'm tired, so tired by the end of the day. 

Movement: He goes, goes, goes all the time.

Favorite thing this week: I had a wonderful, wonderful mother's day. Seriously, I am spoiled. Baby Boy's room is about 90% done. I still have some laundry to do and a picture to hang. But otherwise, we're pretty ready.

Excited For: The last of the things we need are arriving via Amazon today.
These things include dumb stuff like monitors and humidifiers etc.
I purchased enough diapers to last us for a week or so yesterday as well as ointment, nail clippers, a wipes box, etc. yesterday. He also needed a hamper and a trash can for his room. Done and done!

My parents are being so kind as to take Ryan over night on Saturday so we can get some good rest. I don't need it as much as Mr. Berg does. He's literally doing double duty right now.

I'm most excited to see when Baby Boy decides to arrive. I don't think we're close to his arrival yet. I think he'll be on his due date or late. But who knows! I'm excited to find out. 

2 Weeks and 2 Days To Go..... (give or take)

For the record- I'm assuming baby boy is either going to come right on his due date or sometime after. He's happy and comfy in there, not a single sign of coming out any time soon. (Yes,  I know.... things could change in a moments notice..... I get it).

Anyway....



Baby Boy has.....

I room that's actually set up and somewhat ready for him. His furniture is in place. His toy basket is filled with all sorts of things he won't be interested in for months. He has diapers, wipes, butt paste, a giant Giraffe,... all the good stuff. His clothes are in his dresser. His blankets are folder.

Mr. Berg washed his bottles and tonight I'm washing his car seat cover, play mat, etc.

The car seat is going in one night this week. The pack and play, swing and bouncer are all waiting in the wings.  

So, we're ready-ish...

I walked into his room last night on the way to bed and I couldn't wrap my head around how we're going to have another little boy soon. A little boy who will sleep in the crib with the airplane sheets. It's just unbelievable. 

We had our 38 week check up this morning. I finally put on 2 pounds after holding steady for 8 weeks. Although I had drank a mug of coffee, a tumbler of water and a smoothie on the way to the office. How much of that was fluid? We may never know.

Right now everything is still great. Low blood pressure, weight is on track, baby boy's heart rate is right within his normal range. No one has anything to be concerned about. Does that mean the concerns aren't there? No, but for now, we wait and pray. We pray a lot.


The closer I get to my due date, my more at peace I feel. I don't know if I'll run into complications. I don't know the road ahead of me. But I do know it's in God's hands. He provided for us before and I know he'll provide for us again, all in his time.

And so, with 2 weeks and 2 days to go until my due date. We're ready and waiting....


Just don't come too soon Baby Boy. We're happy to wait :) 

37 Week Update

How far along are you:  37 weeks- It's the final countdown!

Fruit/ Veggie: Baby Boy is as long as a stalk of swiss chard. 

The Bump: It's there. Large and in charge. It gets to rooms before I do.
Funnily enough, I haven't gained anything (actually lost a few ounces this time) in the past 8 weeks. Now that we're going week to week, we will see how things change.

Gender: Still a boy... Still nameless, still without a finished room or clean clothing. We are making head way! We found the baby clothes. They are so tiny and cute.
I have a big 31 Tote Bag filled with items to rewash. I might get started on that tonight actually.

Stretch Marks: Not a single new one.... My doctor told me yesterday that stretch marks are genetic. I have no idea how true that statement is but whatever, I'll take it.

Sleep: I love sleep but it's an art form at this point.
I cannot get comfortable when I first lay down. My legs ache something fierce, which is totally normal for me at this point in my pregnancy. Once I finally fall asleep, I sleep so well until I wake up with either a charlie horse or the inability to breathe out my nose- typically 4am. Then we start all over again.... Hate it!

Cravings: Drinks other then water.... I think I'm desperately missing my Spark. Ice Tea and Fresh Lemonade are still big winners. Someone posted a picture of a Cherry Limeade on Instagram yesterday and I cannot stop thinking about it.

What Makes Me Wanna Gag: Not a whole lot.

Exercise: Toddler Chasing and Stair Climbing. Holy heck, I cannot do it.

Mood: Feeling really, really good.
Mr. Berg is home so much more now because his test of over and his scaled back on his commitments until the baby arrives. He's been such great help.
We are finally making progress on baby's room.
His stuff is finally out of storage and ready to be used.
Progress is being made everywhere but in my body....

Which brings us to my  37 week "pants down" exam which revealed absolutely no progress and I am absolutely fine with that. 

Movement: Every day, all day.

Favorite thing this week: Baby Clothes... oh my goodness, so cute!

Excited For: Mother's Day Weekend- Finishing getting the room ready. Setting up the crib, hopefully tonight!


Progress people, progress!

Oh, Princess Kate

Really, girlfriend? Really?

10 Hours after giving birth to your second little royal and you appear looking like you're off to attend a luncheon with Queen Elizabeth?


I get it, you have a staff.

You have hair people.

You have royal dressers and primpers and what not.


I get it.....


But seriously? Why did you just go and do that?


I was going to be happy to leave the hospital in matching clothing...

Now I have to worry about packing my curling iron.... and blush..... and... oh forget it..... I'll double up on hospital gowns and call it a a day. 

36 Week Update

How far along are you:  36 weeks- Yikes!

Fruit/ Veggie: Baby Boy is as long as a head of romaine lettuce. Trust me, I believe it. I have a feeling this kid is going to be long and skinny like his brother.

The Bump: I've been knocking things off desks and shelves with it. How pathetic is that? I also feel like it's getting wider instead of more "out there" if that makes any sense at all. 

Gender: Still a boy... Still nameless, still without a finished room or clean clothing. Ha! Three weeks later and all of that still applies....

Stretch Marks: Not a single new one.... How is this possible?
I'm assuming genetics and simultaneously thanking Cetaphil lotion  

Sleep: It takes me forever to get comfortable. Once I'm comfortable, I'm out cold. Only to wake up to pee and the try really hard to get comfortable again.

Cravings: Lemonade. I really wanted Chickfila Lemonade all day on Sunday. Which is not happening because well.... Christian Chicken.
I ended up grabbing lunch there Tuesday and got a frozen lemonade, which was really, really yummy. Then I stopped again yesterday for just a lemonade. I have issues, this I'm aware of.

I'm also really liking Ice Tea and Grilled Chicken Salads. Not so much a craving but typically my go to foods.

What Makes Me Wanna Gag: Falling victim to the empty stomach game is terrible. But otherwise, nothing.

Exercise: Toddler chasing is about as good as it gets for me right now. 

Mood: Hmmm.... I would say I'm a mix of things.
I'm thrilled my husband passed his insurance exam and we won't have to worry about studying again until this fall.
I'm anxious to get everything ready for little man. Part of me feels like we are so unprepared and the rest of me is confident we will be more then fine.
I'm really trying to enjoy this last month. We're never going to have a new baby again. I have to soak it all up while I can.

Movement: Still loving my sciatic nerve on my left leg and a nerve in my groin on my right leg. This makes walking oh so much fun.

Favorite thing this week: Mr. Berg passing his test, we've been really sweating that one out.

Excited For: Finally getting the room ready and finding all the gear we need.

1 Month to Go or Why Jessica is in Denial........

Baby Boy is due to arrive in one month.....


Let me tell you how ready we are(n't)

• Room- what room? Baby Boy's room looks like a landfill. His furniture is in there, his gifts are in there, there are a couple of baby toys in there. Everything is in disarray, hardware isn't on the furniture, speaking of furniture... it's not even in the right places. It's bad, bad, bad.
• Baby Boy does not have a name... how close are we on deciding? Ha! Not even a little bit close.
• Somewhere in a storage unit in Central, PA is a pack and play, a swing, a bouncer seat, a baby bath tub, bottles, and lord only know what else I forgot about.... All of which I need to find and clean and all that jazz.
• Oh and the carseat... it's in the garage. Not the car, but the garage.... that's almost close enough, right?
• About the baby clothes.... I don't even know where they are at this point. Maybe a closet, maybe the basement.... heck, they could be in the storage unit.
• Maternity Leave Plan for Work..... it is not in place. It is not even written. I have not even thought about what it should look like.
• Hospital Bag Packed?.... I don't even know which bag I'm taking.
• Specified care arranged for Ryan when the baby arrives?  My parents are on stand by. Thankfully they are awesome. We could literally drop him off with the clothes on his back and he'd be fine with them for several days.
• Formula..... I haven't purchased any on purpose. Just waiting to find out what little man likes.
• Postpartum Supplies for Mama..... hmmm, sports bras are on sale using my cartwheel app and I'll pick up some pads when I have a minute. So, there's that.
• Read Big Brother Books to Ryan/Prepare Ryan for Big Brother Role.... He thinks there's a baby in his belly. He knows baby brother is in Mommy's belly and the buck stops there.... Maybe I should actually buy a Big Brother book to read to him...
• Catch up on sleep before Little Man arrives..... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So, basically.....

We are so not ready.

Mr. Berg says we can knock out 90% of this list over the weekend....
I'm not convinced but I'll let him take a stab at it.

Poor Baby Berg.
He's going to arrive in this world with a pack of diapers and a Moses basket waiting for him. And a huge pile of stuff humped into a place we call his room. 

The Un-Mommy

Get your judgey pants on, people. I'm about to tell you why I was the Un-Mommy of our recent hospital tour.


Don't get me wrong, the group of coupleS we joined on our most recent hospital tour were all very nice. Almost all of them were first time parents and they were all high on their parenting philosophies. They had opinions a'plenty.

And then there was me......

Our tour guide sat our group down in a large conference room for about 45 minutes to go over the hospital procedures, which elevator to use when, and her philosophies on everything from birthing to breast feeding to creating a detailed birth plan....

This was the part of our tour where my eyes starting rolling and Mr. Berg started giving me the "act nice" look..... I get that a lot.

First was the whole natural child birth lecture. How many of you are planning a natural child birth? she asked with a glimmer in her eye. Of the 15 women in our group, 14 hands went up.

Wanna guess where mine was? 

If you said Not Up- you're a winner.

I happen to be a big fan of medicated births. It's a choice I'm comfortable making and you better believe I'll be opting for another epidural with this birth.

Then she stared in on breast feeding..... Trust me, I get it. I understand it and I'm educated on it. But I have made my choice and I have my reasons for my choice. I made the choice that is right for me and my family, just like any other mother. But of course, we had to do the hand raising thing and once again, 14 hands went up.

And mine was still stationed at my side. 

If looks could kill, we'd be attending my funeral right now.

I'd be fine with the looks, but when the tour guide said "I hope you change your mind before your baby is born." I wanted to murder her. There's a whole lot of reasons why women can't or don't breast feed. Some of it is outside of their control. I'm not saying my choice isn't within my control, but if it wasn't, you would've bet I would have flipped shit. I couldn't help by think of dear friend's wife who cannot breastfeed due to anatomical abnormalities, or a friend who fought breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. Both would love to be able to breast feed and cannot.

I understand her wish to take a moment to educate, I just wish it had been done in a different manner. This left me with a rather unpleasant taste in my mouth.

Finally we get to birth plans. Our tour guide asked if everyone had put their birth plan together. I felt like the one kid in class that didn't do their homework. A wooshing sound filled the room as 14 other women whipped out their multi-page birth plans. (I later discovered this was part of their homework for their child birth classes, but still.)

Mr. Berg tapped my arm looking puzzled.

"We did that with Ryan, remember?" I whispered?

"Oh, that's that long thing we never even used, right?"

"Yes, because our answers were either It Depends on the Situation or Please Give Jessica Drugs."

"So, we really didn't have a plan?"

"No, we just decided to roll with it."

And I'm glad we did.
Yes, I am a typical Type A Personality. I like to have the details and know the facts, I also like to be aware of the multiple sides of every situation. But that doesn't mean I'm staunch in my philosophies or strict in my beliefs. Rather, I'm very much a roll with the punches. I like to take on situations as the come using the information I'd tuck away.

This was a pretty helpful when my first labor and delivery experience went to shit the minute they took my blood pressure. Any plans I originally had went out the window and we took the next 9 hours as they came, rolling with the punches. And it in the end, I still got a beautiful, healthy baby boy :)

All in all, I'm still glad I took the tour. Breast feeding comment aside, I liked our tour guide and felt she imparted a lot of valuable information to all of us.

Do my choices make me a bad mother? Not in the slightest.
My child is healthy, happy, well adjusted and kind.
I'm an active, positive and constant part of his life.
He has a strong, loving, and supportive family around him.
What more could a kid as for?

And Open Letter to Shonda Rimes....

Girlfriend,


You are going to have to publish your mailing address so that I can forward you my therapy bill thanks to last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy.

I cannot deal. I'm far to pregnant and hormonal for this shit!



Hugs and Kisses
Jessica 

35 Week Update.... is this real life?

How far along are you:  35 weeks- I've hit the magical 35/35. 35 Weeks down, 35 days to go

Fruit/ Veggie: Baby Boy is the size of a honeydew melon. I love me some honeydew.

The Bump: Is measuring right on time and it's HUGE. Which is kind of funny because I haven't gained an ounce in 6 weeks. And trust me, it's not for a lack of trying.
I guess things are just redistributing. Some of my shirts that fit me well into my overdue days with Ryan are getting too short, thus limiting my options. I refuse to buy more!

Gender: Still a boy... Still nameless, still without a finished room or clean clothing. Two weeks later and all of that still applies....

Stretch Marks: Nothing new, miracles never cease 

Sleep: Either really well or not at all.

Cravings: Lately, I've really liked salads and fruit. I can live with that.

What Makes Me Wanna Gag: Not much of anything..... provided I don't go out on an empty stomach. I have a purse full of snacks and I'm not afraid to use them.

Exercise: Ryan is the best form of exercise known to man kind, promise.

Mood: Right now, peaceful. I feel like we have our plans in place and we have time to go. Yup, peaceful would be the perfect way to describe it.

Movement: He keeps punching or bumping into my sciatic nerve on my left side and hitting a different nerve on my right inner thigh. I just walked through the grocery store looking like I was either inventing a new dance move or having muscle spasms.

Favorite thing this week: Great doctor's appointment, great hospital tour, picked up the last of the bedroom furniture. All is well.

Excited For: This is the last weekend Mr. Berg is studying. His big test is Monday. AMEN!!

Then I'm putting Mr. Berg to work on all things baby, because if we don't soon get on that, we won't. End of story. 

The Hospital Tour....

Mr. Berg and I embarked on our tour of our local hospital last night. 

"Are we silly for doing this?" I asked Mr. Berg as we pulled in the parking lot. "Weren't we just here for this like, oh I don't know, yesterday?"

Truth be told, we both felt rather silly when we walked in the door and joined our group. For starters- of the 15 couples on our tour, we were  the only set of repeat visitors. Everyone else in the group was taking the 5 week childbirth readiness class and knew each other. Mr. Berg and I had never taken the 5 week preparation course, knowing full well we didn't have time and wouldn't pay attention anyway.

It probably didn't help that my company recently built the hospital patient tower where we would be touring the labor and delivery unit as well as the maternity floor. So not only had a been there a few times, I was intimately familiar with the mechanical systems behind the walls. 

Yet there we were, standing in the atrium, trying to blend in with the rest of the newbies. 

For Mr. Berg it was important to be there for the facts. He wanted to know what had changed since the last time. He wanted to make sure he knew how the process worked should I actually go into labor on my own this time. 

I had an agenda all my own. I'm not sure I can really articulate why, but I can tell you this. I needed to be there to cleanse my mind of the bad things. I needed to know I could be there and not be bombarded with all the bad memories from before. Honestly, I wasn't even sure that was possible.

Our tour of the labor and delivery floor was very informative. Since I was induced with Ryan, I basically checked into the hospital like I was checking into a hotel. Only instead of leaving with free hotel sized shampoo, I got a baby instead.

It was nice to be reminded of what the real process looks like, should I actually go on my own this time. (Spoiler alert- I'm totally voting for an induction again.... like I get a say in this matter)

We passed by the ice machine that Mr. Berg said he visited frequently.... in reality maybe twice? We saw the check in desk where I filled out a bunch of forms and we received our new parents ID bands. We paused in front of the room where Ryan was born. I hadn't noticed it at the time, but our hospital often posts signage on floors, rooms, equipment ,etc. in honor of people who made donations to the hospital. Our hospital room was made possible by Dr. Carter, the very man who delivered me some 32 years ago... odd circle of events huh?

We couldn't go in the room as it was occupied, but I did stop in front of the door and say a quick prayer for the family inside. I hope their experience would be 100x better then my experience.

I smiled as I realized I hadn't experienced any sad feelings, I wasn't hyperventilating, all in all, I felt good. I felt happy and excited. I was eagerly anticipating being there again to bring a new little boy into this world.

And then we walked onto the maternity floor. Despite having lived there for 3 days, having been there when it was nothing but concrete and metal studs, I couldn't really remember it. While Mr. Berg pointed out the newborn viewing area, the coffee bar, the daddy lounge, the views overlooking the helicopter pad, I felt lost. Had I blocked that much out?

We toured the room beside the room we stayed in. I couldn't believe how small it was. It felt bigger last time we stayed there. I mentally took note of the bed, the pull out sofa, the bathroom. I knew I had seen them all before but nothing felt familiar. Our tour guide started showing how the medical gas lines were hidden from view, how the medical supplies were tucked away in shelves and drawers. She said it was because most mothers arrive in the rooms to just recover, they aren't sick. Tear stung my eyes and my heart sank.

I don't remember the lounge or the coffee bar because I couldn't get out of bed to visit them. I don't remember the pull out sofa because I never sat on it. I remember the medical gas lines, the IV poles, the medical supplies because I needed them.

I was the sick mom that our tour guide was glossing over.

I didn't feel sad in labor and delivery because I didn't know then how sick I really was when I was there. I was in shock from my delivery and too enamored with my new son to realize what had happened to me, what was still happening to me. I didn't realize the rug had been pulled out from under me until I woke up on the maternity floor the next day.

The maternity floor is where I had to face reality and suddenly it was slapping me in the face again.  Reality is a stone cold bitch.

We left the hospital feeling well informed. Mr. Berg was armed with the information he needed. I wasn't sure how to feel but in the mix of emotions swirling within, I did notice that a feeling of hopefulness seemed to be rising to the top. 

On the ride home and as we got ready for bed, Mr. Berg and I talked about our tour, what we learned, what had and hadn't changed. We both were glad we went, we both felt a lot better to have had the refresher. As Mr. Berg drifted off to sleep, I found myself lying awake, unsure what to feel. I felt as though I needed to talk more but what about, I wasn't sure. I lay awake for a long time, processing, trying to pin point my emotions, only to find they were all over the map.

I woke up this morning tired and groggy, but I noticed something was missing.

Fear.

Sure, I am nervous about the road ahead. I hope and pray that history doesn't repeat itself. But when all is said and done, I'm not afraid. I feel ready, I feel prepared. I know I can do this- complications or not. 

That's a pretty decent feeling, isn't it?

34 Week Update

How far along are you:  34 weeks- this means we have 6 weeks to go. 6 weeks, people! Yikes!

Fruit/ Veggie: Baby Boy is the size of a cantaloupe. I find this humorous because Ryan has been obsessed with cantaloupe lately.

The Bump: The top of my belly hurts, near my rib cage. Not in a Danger Will Robinson Way, but in a my muscles are out of stretch way. It's a burning pain in one quarter sized location... It isn't constant but wow, when it acts up.... ouch!

Gender: Still a boy... Still nameless, still without a finished room or clean clothing. One week later and all of that still applies....

Stretch Marks: Had you asked me a month ago if I would have stretch marks by now, I would have said absolutely. Somehow, I still don't.

Sleep: Lately, really, really well.

Cravings: Nothing appeals to me right now. I eat and I eat well, but if you asked me at any given time what I'd like to eat, I'd tell you nothing. 

What Makes Me Wanna Gag: Not much of anything..... provided I don't go out on an empty stomach. I have a purse full of snacks and I'm not afraid to use them.

Exercise: I lug a toddler, a purse, a toddler backpack full of random items, two water bottles, a random toddler sized bowl of snacks and typically a blanket or stuffed animal everywhere I go..... I get plenty of exercise that way.

Mood: Loving this spring-ish weather we are having.

Movement: He's been somewhat quieter lately but still moving enough that I'm not worried about it. Little Bugger had me up at 10pm last night with an epic dance party.

Favorite thing this week: It's Mr. Berg's Birthday today!!

Excited For: Lilly Pulitzer at Target on Sunday... need I say more.
(Actually, I do..... I'm using this as an excuse to by one or two dressed bigger then usual so I have something cute to wear this summer. I may also be attempting to wearing one home from the the hospital... because that makes sense)

Mr. Berg and I are taking our hospital tour on Tuesday. I'm determined to go in with a good attitude about this. I'm so nervous for our birth. Ryan's ended up well, healthy baby, no c-section. But everything that could have gone wrong did and we just weren't anticipating it. I really hope this next delivery goes smoothly and results in a very healthy baby and Mama. Coming home from the hospital sick was the worst.