New In Town

As of Saturday we've officially lived in our house for two very long, very short weeks. We're slowing beginning to navigate our new home, the kitchen and pantry are organized and functioning. We can't always  remember what light switches work what and it never fails we're be downstairs before we realize we left the upstairs hall light on,.... again.

The hallways seem longer and darker in the middle of the night when you're trying to get to a crying child .

We've installed a new kitchen sink faucet, we have an amazing new fridge. Within days of moving in the roofers arrived with their very loud crew and very big dump truck. This was much the amazement of two small boys and to the the dismay of neighbors everywhere, I'm sure.

We're learning to ins and outs of a new grocery store that doesn't sell cheese hot dogs or my favorite kind of salad dressing. But the cheese selection is awesome and the beer section will soon be selling wine too.

We have yet to meet the neighbors(probably something to do with the roofers) or found anyone with kids our age. I think I figured out the fastest route home during rush hour and I know when we leave in the mornings to still get to work on time.

Thanks to the new roof we now know Central PA has tree frogs and that they can end up on your bathroom floor on the middle of an other wise idle Monday evening. I now also know you can get your automatic garage doors serviced on Tuesday and then on Friday a spring will break and cause the whole kit and caboodle to fall down. (I also now know that will really, REALLY piss your husband off).

We have worked endlessly and tirelessly to move everything from our old house, our storage shed(s) and my parents house into our new house. We spent most of this weekend rearranging, unpacking, reorganizing and re-situating. While it appears to are getting no where, the box piles are less and less and the closets are getting fuller and fuller. So, something is moving in the right direction somewhere.

While we only moved across town, we still moved. New school district, new address, new zip code, new township. I lay my head down at night in my new bedroom, on my new street and while I feel at home, I still feel like I'm new in town. All at the same time.

Gratitude

Yesterday I had my annual "down there" exam. Typically, this day would be approached with a sense of dread and a let's just get it over with mentality. However, I'm a weirdo and I actually like going to my ob/gyn's office. The whole exam process, not so much. However, when you get to sit down and talk with the person that saved your life years ago, you get excited.

We made small talk during the exam process and after that, as always, I was invited to sit down in my Doctor's office and go over things and ask questions. As is typical, I always have questions.

As I sat down, he looked at me from across his desk and said "I just used you as an example yesterday."

Oh?

He explained he had met with another mom who experienced a traumatic birth experience. She was worried about conceiving again and didn't know if she should. My doctor said I was the first person to cross his mind and he told her my story and how I went on to have a second healthy pregnancy and about the most boring, text book birth, known to man kind.

How would you know? I joked, you weren't even there.

Yes, that's true, but the doctor who delivered Jacob called me and filled me in.

It wasn't totally boring, I chided. There's was a bleeding issue, again.

True, but in comparison to last time? Child's play.


It's funny how we can joke about it now. But the truth is, Ryan almost didn't get a mom. My resilient little boy, survived a traumatic birth without a single issue. Meanwhile, his mom nearly died. I don't remember every detail of that day, I can't explain every thing that went wrong or explain why what happened to me happened. I doubt anyone can. Things had the potential to go very badly that day and while a lot of shit in the fan, we all came out the other side.

While my birth story is never very out of my mind, I don't spend much time dwelling on it these days. Sure, certain things remind me of it, like the nose sucker I still use on Jacob, on a pair of hospital socks I pull from the drawer when my feet get cold.

Yesterday, I took a few moments and thought about how far we've come from those wee morning hours of July 17th, 2012. I was barely hours into being a mom and there I was fighting for my life, confused, overwhelmed and not yet realizing the rug had been completely pulled out from underneath me.

We've all come along way from that scary night. We're all so incredibly lucky.

I remain forever grateful.

A House Called Boomarang

This past Friday afternoon, I was getting ready to leave work when I felt the need to check the MLS.

Since walking away from our "bigger house on the hill" several weeks ago, I've been checking the MLS listings twice a day in hopes of finding the something better that everyone has been telling us would come along.

It wasn't surprising to me that once again, something better, wasn't listed. What did surprise me? "The House" wasn't there either.

Wasn't it just there this morning?

Wait a minute......

I dug a little deeper and all I could find was website after website that said "off the market." 

I fired off a quick text to Mr. Berg as my heart sank. The house had sold. The last little shred of hope we had for it was quickly fading.

Despite the fact it was date night, and our first night without kids in a few months, I cried the whole way home. We knew this was a total possibility, but we were hoping our patience and strong offer would eventually pay off. 

Mr. Berg called me on his way home with an update. Our realtor had called their realtor and was waiting for a call back.

After a pep talk, a shower and a fresh face of make up I decided there was nothing that could be done now. It was up to me to make the best of it.

45 minutes later, over drinks at our favorite restaurant Mr. Berg smiled and said he had an update on the house.....

As it turns out, the sellers of the house fired their realtor earlier in the day and had brought in a new realtor. Their new realtor then contact our realtor to see if our offer was still good. Our realtor then called Dave, who in turn said, yes.

So, Sunday night Dave and I found ourselves sitting around our kitchen table with our realtor and 300 pages of documents to initial and sign.

Home inspection is next Tuesday.

Settlement is set for the end of July.

And our house goes on the market next week......... (excuse me while I vomit). 

Third Times A ...... Wait a minute......

Isn't this like the 9th time?


Friday afternoon I found myself beating the dreaded 3pm slump by perusing the local MSL listings. Party because I'm nosey and partly because I've finally geared myself up to move and we aren't freaking going anywhere.

I feel like the family dog when someone accidentally says "walk." I'm ready to go, pacing back in forth with my moving boxes and no where to go.

It's the pits, really.

I clicked on the pictures of the house we loved and wished that somehow, someway, that the house would find it's way back to us.

Fast forward to a few hours later. Mr. Berg comes home from work and says "Oh hey, our realtor called. "

Could this be a sign I wondered?


"The sellers of the house want to know what number it will take to get the deal done."

Seriously?

Didn't we just give them our number and tell them it was final? Didn't they counter back with a ridiculous offer and we said no... final offer means final offer?

After a few beers, a couple of eye rolls and a long discussion with our realtor we decided fine, you wanna play the stupid game, we're all ready for you.

So on Sunday afternoon our realtor called their realtor with our new number. A number that was only a smidgen higher then our last number with the words "FINAL OFFER" stamped all over it it imaginary red letters. We even stood there as our realtor said "This is our final offer, we are not willing to accept a counter. We are done. It's this number or no deal."

Two hours later they countered back.

Exactly what part of final offer does this group of knuckle heads not understand?

So once again...... we shook our heads, walked away and felt the slightly less hurtful sting of disappointment.


Seriously people, what the heck?


(PS- While I'm still really sad. I have to keep in mind the following: 1. We have all the time in the world 2. Seller Man and his family- not so much 3. At some point the selling price will be out of the sellers hands. We already know the relocation company likes our number 4. We are very, very patient people...... (or at least Mr. Berg is, I'm good at faking patience.)

We Walked....

Our sellers finally countered last night.

Countered with the most bull shit counter offer that was ever presented in the history of bullshit counter offers. I'm pretty sure even their realtor was embarrassed.

As we said before, we weren't planning to continue negotiations. We decided to hold our ground and have essentially walked.

I thought I would be devastated. While I am very, very sad, devastation isn't the word I would use. I haven't shed any tears. I haven't asked God why. Instead, I find myself being very quiet, while trying to process this whole situation.

The sellers could come around. Maybe in a few weeks we will find ourselves in a very different situation.

But for now, it's back to the drawing board.



PS- That other house we went to look at. SCARY! Sex dungeon in the basement, no lie! 

And So the Adventure Begins.....

There is a huge part of me that would love to throw in the towel on life right now. I'd love to run to my bed, pull up the covers, put on Bravo and hide until all this house stuff has blown over.

Right now, the situation regarding our bigger house on the hill is out of our hands. We revised our offer on Friday afternoon and our real estate agent consulted with their agent.

Since then it's been radio silence on the sellers front. Given the situation, it's not surprising. 

Prior to our revised offer: 

We had separate inspections of the roof and the decks. We consulted with our attorney, an engineer, a roofing company, a builder and our real estate agent. We've had a lot of conversations, done a lot of praying, conducted a ton of research and had 3 near nervous breakdowns.

We still love the house, but we aren't prepared to pay full market value for a house with "issues." Granted, all of these "issues" are repairable. However, we don't feel that we should be on the hook for the current owner's lack of maintenance. Plus, none of the "issues" we disclosed prior to our original offer.

A huge part of me is wondering exactly how the seller's agent is navigating this situation, seeing as it was her error. I'd imagine so major back peddling is being done.

To make it even more interesting, her granddaughter goes to school with Ryan. They are total BFFs. It made for an awkward exchange on Friday when we ran into each other. She has no idea how we are, I on the other hand, know a thing or two about her. #notherbiggestfanpresently

In the meantime a house on the side of town we live on just came on the market. It's nice. It's spacious and has a few amenities the "bigger house on the hill" does not. It's also not on a hill, surprisingly. 

We've made an appointment to look at it tomorrow. Right now, I'm not sold. But I realize I can be stubborn. This afternoon I'll drive by it and will probably be stewing about it until I walk through it tomorrow.

Then I'll either be entirely in love with it or I'll be creating a list of cons in my head so long Mr. Berg will never get to the bottom of it.

Fun, right?


House shopping, what fun, what fun!


Best Case Situation- We hear back from our seller's agent today with news- either way. 
We've already decided our revised offer is our final offer. No countering for this girl.

I will be devastated if we have to walk away. But I know that means something better will come along.

 Worst Case Situation- 
I'm just not going there. I want to close one book before opening the next. 

Slightly Lost

I'm finding myself in a sad place lately.

For the past six weeks it seems that my little family hasn't been able to catch a break. From two ear infections, chicken pox, lost time at work, lost time spent as a family and the daily shuffle, things just haven't been easy for us Berg's lately.

A week ago today we thought things were looking up. We negotiated an offer on the "bigger house on the hill" and we making plans to move out of our little house on a hill.  (Before you ask if we have a thing for hills, the answer is no. We live in Central PA, it's harder to not live on a hill then live on one) Hills, aside, all seemed to be falling into to place.

FAST FORWARD to Monday.

A 153 page disclosure agreement found it's way to our emails.

For those of you not up on real estate formalities, any and all disclosure documents are supposed to be presented to you BEFORE you make an offer. Not three days after. And certainly not with inspection reports from roofers and engineers declaring the roof in need or repair/replacement and the deck structurally unsound.  And no, we weren't trying to buy a shed down by the river either....


It was a devastating blow to say the least. Suddenly the rug was pulled out from under us and we felt blind sided.

Even our realtor was shocked.


Now we are find ourselves scheduling separate inspections, reviewing quotes and trying to find a way to come to an agreement on what the next steps should be.

We're sad, we're down trodden and we're preparing to walk away from a home we really, really saw a future in. It's shitty, it's just plan shitty.

Helen & Me

I have never meet Helen Anderson, but I'd like to think we're in the same boat.

Having walked through her house several times before offering to buy it, I noticed the similarities between us.

We are both moms of small children, we both drive SUVs, we both share an affinity for pottery barn, Zulilly, Kiehl's products and Home Goods. We both graduated for Virginia Colleges, we value our family and our kitchen drawers are remarkably well organized.

We have similar tastes in paint colors, shoes, cleaning supplies and from what I can tell, we both have a secret stash of candy hidden out of view of our kids.

My heart goes out of her. Six weeks before Christmas her husband's company promoted him. While the promotion, I'm sure, is awesome. It also meet moving from small town PA to San Diego, CA. Since January she's been on one side of the country with three small girls while her husband is on the other side waiting for their arrival.

That CANNOT be easy.

What also isn't easy is being married to a man that loves to make a deal. How do I know? I'm married to one too.

The two of them have been battling it out for the past two weeks. While I have full faith in my husband, the stressed of offers and counter offers and deals on furniture, etc. have given me headaches and tummy trouble. I'd imagining Helen is feeling the same while.

While I'm sure she's hoping to make good money on the home she's loved for three years. She is probably also looking at the calendar, counting down the weeks left of school and realizing summer break is fast approaching and the opportunity to relocate with a sold house hasn't.

I'm stressing over moving across town. She's stressing about moving across the country.
I sure hope she has access to wine and Xanax.

Like me, I'm sure she was ready for more negotiating from the man cave and pep talks from her realtor.  Our realtor and I were prepping for the long haul. Dave was prepping to rage war over bar stools.... yes, you read the right, BAR STOOLS.


Thankfully, the wheeling and dealing had to wrap up early when the talk of another offer forced both our hands.

We wrapped up negotiations in record time and ended up exactly at the number we were hoping for.

Everyone walked away with a sense of satisfaction.

I'd also like to think while our husbands were busy congratulating themselves on being master of the universe, Helen and I were sitting at our kitchen tables pouring a glass of wine and making detailed lists regarding our up coming moves.


So there you have it, we're moving!

Exactly How Many Shoes Are Going to Drop?

In the past three weeks my family has gone through:

• One children free vacation
• One 10 month old with a nasty ear infection
• One Grandpa with a has on shingles, who gave......
• One 11 month old a nasty case of chicken pox
• 5 missed days of work between 2 parents (mostly just one but we're not keeping score... apparently)
• One In-Laws Visit (they brought me a free sewing kit an ambulance company was giving away as a promotional item..... don't ask, even I don't know)
• 2 Successful Swimming Lessons
• 3 Trips to the Pediatrician for one kid
• 1 first time dentist trip for the other kid
• 4 sleepless night
• 3 house showings (more on that in a few minutes)
• A stomach virus for one parent
• A toe situation for the other parent
• One 36th birthday celebration
• and about a million missed appointments, workouts, unreturned emails, forgotten about grocery list items and money spent on emergency baby sitters

Whew...... whirlwind much.

And to add to all that fun and excitement and stress (so much stress) we're putting an offer in on a new house and putting ours on the market should such offer be accepted. 

Because all of that goes so quickly and easily normally (ha!)

New house is significantly bigger then our little house on the hill and is in a better school district. Not to mention it's got a finished basement, two living rooms AND a huge play room. Oh and a awesome laundry room complete with wall lockers and build in cook book shelves.

(and obnoxious blue toilets, sinks and tub surrounds but that's fixable when you're a plumber)

Good For The Soul

Last Friday we woke up to freezing rain, snow and both major highways in our area shut down due to major accidents. This morning we woke up to fresh air flowing through out open windows and birds chirping their good mornings to the rising sun. Spring decided to give us a preview this week and it's been so good for the soul.  I know I've felt a little lighter, a lot brighter and refreshed.

As of tomorrow I'll complete the first set of workouts in the 3rd phase of Jillian's Body Revolution. It hasn't been easy but dare I say, it's been an enjoyable challenge. I've certainly pushed myself to go harder then I've ever done before. I'm loving the results. While I'm still about 6-8 pounds above my pre-babies weight, my clothes from the time period are fitting and I'm able to wear almost everything in my closet again. Yes, things fit differently now, but they fit none the less.

Right now I'm nursing a sore wrist. I don't think I did anything damaging to it. I think it's just tired and a little over worked. The Body Revolution has been incorporating a lot of planks in weeks 9 and 10, so there's certainly a contributing factor. That and Mr. Berg broke his wrist in February and has been wearing a fancy brace. (They don't cast adults so much anymore, don't ya know?) With the brace comes restrictions especially when it comes to picking up the kids and holding 23 pound Jacob for long periods of time. I'm sure the combination of the two has something to do with it.

All in all, I feel as though I am in a better place then I have been in some time. The mid day workouts are provided the mental break and physical challenge I need to push through the rest of the day. I have tons more stamina and I'm sleeping so much better. I'm not waking up in the middle of the night and I'm not longer waking up achy and sore. Well, sometimes I'm sore but a good workout sore, not a bad night's rest sore.

This little life change of mine- so very, very good for the soul.

3 Days in the 3rd Month.....

Why does Jillian Michaels hate me so much?

That is exactly what I told my husband this morning as I got out of the shower.  A mere 20 minutes before I had completed the cardio workout that came with Phase 3 of the Body Revolution workouts for the first time. While there weren't tears, there was certainly a lot of huffing and puffing and a quick break to talk myself out of puking or dying... which ever came first. 

Basically, I woke up at 4:16am to torture myself. 

The one nice thing about early, early morning workouts are that you're barely awake when you get started. Thus, you don't necessarily notice how tortured you are until you're almost done.

That is good.

The bad thing? You have to drag yourself out of your nice warm bed. Be super quiet so you don't wake up your children, put cold ass workout clothes on your once warm and sleeping body and bounce around your basement like you love it!

That is not good.

So far Phase 3 is full of the hardest workouts I have ever done, ever. I still have two more workouts. I won't see them until the 14th. So far, I'm in total denial that I'll ever need to do them.

While I will say they are so, so hard. They are in no way impossible. What makes them particularly hard for me is that I wasn't familiar with some of the moves prior to these workouts. Thus, there's been a bigger learning curve then before. Also, a lot the moves have been plank based and I really lack flexibility when it comes to lowering the front half of my body onto my elbows. So, I do my best, but not certainly not killing it in that department. 

Prior to Jacob's arrival, I was a huge fan of the 4:30am workout. I did them until I got pregnant. While I was pregnant I gave up on workouts in favor of carbs, sofa sitting and copious amounts of candy.

(This Ladies and Gentleman is exactly why I'm now stuck working out a lot and saying yes to wine only a little)

Anymore these days, early morning workouts aren't as realistic. First of all, I'm not guaranteed a full night of sleep. Jacob and Ryan typically sleep through the night but we've hit cold season, so it's not a perfect system. Plus, the Jillian workouts are intense and require a lot of weights. They aren't designed for doing on an empty stomach.

Since I'm not waking up earlier just to eat. I try to only workout in the morning if it's absolutely necessary and a cardio day.  

So long post short, I'm just checking in to tell you I haven't died.... yet. Phase 3 is do-able and I'm still doing hard things.

(and I really, really, really miss wine.)

8 Weeks Later

Eight weeks ago, after months of feeling like totally crappy both mentally and physically, I decided enough was enough. It was time to do something about it.

I jumped in with both feet and started the Jillian Michael's Body Revolution Workouts and a week later started an Advocare 24 Day Challenge and ended up doing 2 Diets, one to help out a friend and another with my favorite mom's group. They ran simultaneously, so no, I'm not that crazy.

Anyway...... Eight weeks later I'm down 8.2 pounds, my pants fit, my energy is through the roof and my strength is greatly improved, especially my core strength.

This puts me at exactly half way to my goal weight. 

Part of me is really thrilled about this.

Another part of me feels like a have such a long way to go.

I'm telling the Negative Nancy part of me to stfu. Seriously, so many good things are happening. Why ruin it?

I am very, very aware that this is typically where the self sabotage typically kicks in whenever I set out on a journey like this. I know this is when that little voice in my head kicks in a says shit like "You can totally put cheese on that salad" or "You've been working so hard, have another beer!"

NO, NO, NO, NO,NO!!!!!

I'm so not having that. I've planned out my cheat days, my meal planning is on point and I am just trying my best to crush it.

I still keep repeating my daily mantra "I can do hard things." There are days when I feel like crap but I still keep plugging. Partially because I don't want to slip up and fall off wagon and partially because I have faith I can do this.

The hardest month of my workout program starts Monday. I'm honestly scared shit-less, but guess what, last month I was scared shit-less too. Yet, I made it. I can make it this month too!

I have faith..... I can do hard things.....

I got this!

 

Getting There

It jsut wouldn't be a weight loss journey with out the bi-polar feelings associated with the highs and lows and ups and downs.... and I'm not just talking about the scale.

I spent the beginning of last week beating myself up for doing everything right but not getting anywhere. As I mentioned in my previous blog post, I was trying really hard to trust the process but wasn't getting the results I felt I deserved. What results you ask? A lower number on the scale. 

Did it matter my pants were fitting better? Or that a jacket that had been tight on me was fitting properly again? Did I mention I'm sleeping better or my energy has increased? Nope, instead  I whined that I was stuck at the same number and how much that sucked.

I have a tendency to be a complete brat sometimes..... It happens.

So, complete brat melt down aside, a funny thing happened..... RESULTS, in the form of Jessica Approved Results. As in, a nice number on the scale. As in .2 away from my pre-pregnancy weight with Jacob.

Well, what do you know?

A large part of me is really thrilled. However, there's an equal part of me that's bewildered because I should have trusted the process a little more and not been such a brat.

So, for the sake of attempting to be a more positive and progress driven person. I would like to highlight some accomplishments and pat my bratty self on the back a little bit.

As of today I have lost just over 5 1/2 pounds since starting the Advocare  24 Day Challenge on January 11th. This puts me within 90% of my diet bet goal. 

My Diet Bet ends February 3rd- I have until February 4th to weigh in. So, I have some work to do in the next three days but I'm feeling confident I can drop that last 1/2 a pound.

This weekend I completed my first month of the Jillian Michael's Body Revolution. I'm not going to lie, that's some hard stuff. Yes, it's only 30-40 minutes a day, 6 days a week, but there are days when I wish I was a man because sitting on the potty is out of the question.

I am so nervous to start the next round today. I keep reminding myself that I can do hard things, this is just another hard thing to get done.

My jeans were ready to wave the weight flag at the beginning of the month. They are no longer asking for a hostage negotiator.

I'm starting to recognize parts of my body again. Do I have a long way to go yet? Sure, but every day I'm reminded that I'm getting there. 

So, today I will continue to move the ball forward, so to speak. As a little voice in the back of my head chants.... You're getting there, you're getting there. 

 

A Case of the Grumps....

I had every intention of checking in on Friday but that turned out to be a big fat fail!

My parents had to make the very unfortunate choice of putting their sweet, faithful and ever so loved 15 year old lab to sleep on Friday. Charlie was the last of my pets. We adopted him as a puppy when I was a senior in high school. He was truly a wonder dog. I'm going to miss him.

So, that put a huge damper on my mood Friday.

Not to mention the fact that that scale has decided it won't budge, not even a little bit. It will go up but the damn thing won't go down.

I am desperately trying to trust the process but I can't help but feel discouraged and frustrated. Losing the baby weight with Ryan wasn't nearly this hard. 

I'm following my Advocare Plan to the letter. I reached out to a fellow distributor on Friday. She  double checked my food journal and supplements and agreed that I'm doing the right things. But still, no change.

I'm trying to look at the good things: My pants are fitting a little better, my stomach seems less pouchy, there is definitely more muscle ton to my physique.  Unfortunately, I'm just stuck at the same weight. 


Depressing doesn't even begin to cut it.

The Week End Wrap Up

For whatever reason, I'm having a hard time coming here lately. I haven't been able to really put my finger on why, but I'm willing to take a guess. Do you really, really want to hear about another weight loss battle? I've been whining about the size of my ass for how long now?!

Oy!

But in truth, this space is a good place for me. It's a safe space for airing my stretched out laundry.


So let's wrap up this week:


I started the Advocare 24 Day Challenge on Monday. This is my first time doing it with the "new" 10 Day Cleanse. So, instead of Fiber in the beginning and the end with a break in the middle, I'm chug, chug, chugging for 10 days straight.

I am so not a fan of the fiber drink. However, the unflavored kind really isn't that bad. It could be worse, it could be citrus flavored.... VOM!!

I've been sticking to the eating plan, drinking lots of water and I'm down 2.5 pounds already, which is  a little bit over 1/3 of the way to my diet bet goal. Can't beat that.


Jillian and I started seeing each other again last week. We have a daily lunch time date, where she kicks my ass and I try hard not to complain about it. We both feel better 30-38 minutes later.

I feel so much more clear headed and focused with a daily workout. I can't believe how quickly I forget those things.

The plague hit the Berg house, for the 50th time this season.... okay the 3rd, but still.

Wednesday afternoon I had to pick up both boys early with pink eye, Wednesday night Jacob spiked a high fever. One late night run to the doctor's office and a second trip to the pharmacy later, we're treating a double ear infection. Thursday morning Ryan woke up with a cough and a fever, another trip to the doctor and a 3rd visit to Walgreen's in 24 hours and what to do you know, respiratory infection. YAY!!

Amazingly, everyone woke up super happy and ready to roll this morning. THANK YOU JESUS.

Good news, I still got in a workout and my diet was on point.  {brushes shoulders off}  Thank you very much!


All in all, I can't kick myself this week. I know I did a great job. And yes, there is still a shadow of disappointment hanging over my head. My jeans don't fit, there's fat rolls where fat rolls shouldn't be, 40% of my closet is currently off limits since nothing fits. It would be easy to wallow in that. Yet, I'm trying my best to look on the bright side.

It could be so much worse. I could be sitting around whining and not doing anything.
Instead, I'm trying my best to do everything I'm capable of to make a healthier life for myself.


I can do this.

Time to Face the Music

And so it begins, again.

I'm 20 pounds over weight and I hate it! HATE IT.

I knew when I went back to work that it would be harder for me to get my workouts in. The 4:30am workouts I'd grown used to and loved so much weren't hacking it. With a little infant with a sporadic sleep schedule, there just wasn't enough sleep being had. Plus, he must be equiped with radar, he knows when I'm sleeping, he knows when I'm awake. So if I'm awake, he's awake too. 

The lack of workouts started a vicious cycles of lacking energy, which lead to poor choices when it came to food, which lead to feeling yucky, which lead to frustration and then finally Jessica saying "fuck it" and eating all the things. 

And now my jeans don't fit..... like at all, I'm down to two pairs of suitable dress pants and back when I was skinny I outlawed leggins at work so basically, I'm FUCKED.

Not to mention my skin is mess, I'm short on energy and I have a deep feeling of dissatisfaction that can only be described as self loathing. Enough is enough.

This this weekend I'll be drinking all the wine because starting Monday- no wine. Advocare 24 Day Challenge, here I come. 

I started easing in this week. Sensible meals, working out with my girl Jillian and just reminding myself to be flexible, to find a way to make it work. 

It's not always easy, but it's what needs to be done.

That and I joined in on two diet bets. One through my mom's board, another through the amazing Mama Laughlin. The extra motivation might just be the extra kick in the pants that I need to get back on it.


Since I gave up my 4:30am sweat sessions, I've been squeezing in workouts over lunch or in between meetings, At some point I'm sure I'll be dragging my weights into work with me to workout in my office over lunch. But, thankfully, my house isn't far from my office and I have the ability to run home so I'm making it work. Plus, the mid day work out gives me the extra energy I need to get through the day and the evening.

I'm already starting to feel better.

But 20 pounds? Seriously..... how did that happen?