Taking Stock

Making : Mental Lists- We're leaving for the beach later this week. So much to pack!

Cooking : Tonight we are having ground lamb stuffed zucchini.... I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not a huge lamb lover.
Drinking : Water. I'd love some wine about now :)

Reading: Nothing exciting- job descriptions etc.

Wanting: More money

Looking: For motivation to get back to working out...

Playing: My pandora station is set to One Republic. I like it.

Wasting: Time. I'm some what over today....

Sewing: I do not sew. If you knew me, you'd know how hysterical this question is to me.

Wishing: For more time, always more time

Enjoying: I had lunch with my dad today. It was nice to spend some time with him.

Waiting: For something.... I'm not sure what though......

Liking: My nail polish color

Wondering: If I'm ever going to feel like I'm doing a good job at this working mom thing.

Loving: My little family :)

Hoping: For a smooth summer

Marvelling: At how quickly time flies.... Ryan will be 2 in a few weeks. How did that happen?

Needing: To do a better job at working out and eating clean... I make it harder then it really needs to be

Smelling: Like a laudromat. The perfect combination of fabric softener, grease and change.

Wearing: Lillly Pulitzer Sweater, Favorite Ann Taylor Dress

Following: The comments about today's supreme court decisions. I think they ruled fairly but I'm typically in the minority on these things.

Noticing: How quiet my office is today

Knowing: Change is coming

Thinking: How much I'm looking forward to seeing the ocean

Feeling: Overwhelmed with life lately

Bookmarking: More like pinning... to many recipes to count

Opening: New web browsers

Giggling: at my 2 year old- the stuff that comes out of his mouth is hysterical

Feeling: a little down and out and I have no reason to be

Spoke Too Soon.....

And as luck would have it, Ryan was up from 1 to 3:30am this morning.

So, Mama didn't work out.


Naturally.....



I'm not going to let myself get down about it.

Instead, I'm going to focus on good choices and tracking my meals on Spark People.

With any luck, I can workout tomorrow.


Meanwhile, I'm going to find every possible way to stay in my office, seated firmly at my desk chair.

I just remembered I am wearing hot pink undies underneath my white J. Crew skirt.

Cute outfit fail!

Haven't We Been Here Before?

Here we go again......

I actually woke up on time this morning and got my workout in while the rest of my family snoozed on. While I was groggy and sad to leave my warm bed, it was actually a welcomed thing to get my butt kicked by Jillian Michaels. My day goes just a little bit smoother when I get up and get a workout in before starting my day.

On workout days I wake up earlier then I really need to to account for all the unknowns. I never know when Ryan might decide to wake up early and I'm never sure if Mr. Berg is going to be up on time and in a rush or sleeping through his alarm and still in a rush. It's just safer to stay out of his way.

When all goes smoothly on an early morning, I can unload the dishwasher, put stuff away, pack lunch, eat breakfast, pack the car and watch the news all before Ryan wakes up and while staying out of Mr. Berg's way. When all doesn't go smoothly, I get to do all of the above with a melting down toddler and a time crazed husband while children's television programming plays on in the background. Fun right?

So, in hopes of being awake early every day this week. I give you my daily run down.....


Monday:
Workout: Killers Buns, Hips and Thighs
Menu:
  Breakfast: Green Smoothie
  AM Snack: Plain NF Greek Yogurt with Honey and Mixed Berries
  Lunch: Grilled Chicken and Onions with Roasted Corn Salad with a side of Salsa and Carrots. Salad with Lime Dressing
  PM Snack: Pear and Raw Almonds
  Dinner: Asian Turkey Meatballs, Cauliflower Fried Rice and Salad 

I did run my calorie in-take through Spark People this morning and even without my workout, I'm really low.So, somewhere in there I'll be adding something in. What? I'm not 100% sure.

My menu for the rest of the week will be varied as Mr. Berg's schedule is nutty and I don't make full meals when he's gone.

However, my workouts will look like this:

Tuesday: Kick Boxing
Wednesday: Full Body Kettlebell
Thursday: Kick Boxing
Friday: Yoga

5 Years

Five years ago today...

• It rained in Delaware... A LOT
• We did not own our home
• We didn't have children
• I had two cats that Mr. Berg refused to claim
• We partied down with our favorite friends and family
• We over served everyone and let them play with sparklers... (in retrospect- this probably wasn't my smartest idea to date)
• We had a whole lot of love and not a whole lot else

Today.....

• The sun is shining in Delaware, or so I'm told
• We own a modest home in the suburbs
•  We have an amazing son, who is the reason why we need a bigger house :)
• We have one cat here with us and one in heaven
• Our friends and family are scattered to all four corner of the globe. (I can count on one hand the number of people at our wedding that we aren't in touch with anymore)
• I plan on over-serving myself tonight 
• We have even more love then we did back then 

Wishing my husband a very happy 5th Wedding Anniversary :)

Road Trippin'

In usual Berg fashion we are road tripping again this weekend. This time we are pointing the Tahoe north towards the beautiful city of Boston. However, instead of sight seeing and enjoying all the yummy food the city has to offer, we will be hanging out with family and Bar Mitzvahing out butts off.  This also translates to: Jessica runs around like a mad woman chasing a toddler while Mr. Berg hangs out with his family. Fun, right?

Currently we are about 20% packed and 100% insane to we think we will get it all done and organized and ready by 6am tomorrow morning- all while getting a great night's sleep, mind you. I just don't see it happening. Wishful thinking, right?

Tonight for myself alone I need to eat, shower, blow out my hair, get a spray tan, pack, gather up toys, find sheets, find blankets, make sure everyone has the right pillows and every other thing under the sun. 

This doesn't account for everything Ryan needs, everything Mr. Berg will want me to double check and then there's the cat.... who the hell is taking care of the cat?


Basically, we are insane.


However, I will say this: Life is returning to a semi normal pace, which is really nice. Ryan is starting to sleep a little bit better. Mr. Berg is starting to feel better. I haven't been sick in 2 weeks, a new record. I've actually managed to workout 3 times this week, with plans for another workout tomorrow.

We met with an ENT today to talk about Ryan and his ever infected ears. We are going to monitor him for a month and then (probably) proceed with tubes (should the fluid in his right ear not clear) or sooner if he develops another infection. All of that to say: We're getting tubes sooner or later.

The good news about all of this is that we really enjoy our doctor and the practice. I feel like we are in the right hands and I think their proceed with caution approach is spot on. Unlike the pediatrician we saw that made us feel like we were barbarians for not putting tubes in Ryan's ears at birth. Your know, because we knew he'd have a million ear infections before age two. 


Duh!

No, I'm still not pregnant and honestly, that's okay with me. Someday, I will be and that will be fantastic. It was never a personal goal of mine to be pregnant again before Ryan turned two. At the rate my body is functioning, I probably won't be. That's fine. I can worry about babies another day. 

Right now, I'm happy with my 2 boys and a diabetic, geriatric cat named Sophie.

Life, Lately

• Sophie-the-Cat is still alive and well. For how long, I don't know. But for now, she's here. We decided that the best course of action is to keep her comfortable and let her live out her life without shots or other medication.
  
• I finally got in an early morning workout this morning. While it sucked, it was good to be back in the saddle again.
  
• Ryan is on what feels like his 100th ear infection. (in reality, probably his 6th or 7th). We will be meeting with an ENT to discuss tubes. Unless I hear something totally scary about this procedure that I don't already know about, my vote is tubes and quickly.
  
• We are leaving on Friday for a quick trip to Boston to visit family and attend a Bar Mitzvah. I'm looking forward to the being there part. The long drive both ways part, not so much.
  
• Our CSA starts Wednesday. I am so freaking excited, it's not even funny. I'm already pinning recipes like a mad woman.
  
• I'm in a weird place right now when it comes to fitness. I want to workout and push myself and start new programs but at the same time we're trying for another baby. So any new program or new ramp up would get put on hold. I'm having a hard wrapping my head around working out for the health and fitness of it and not the leaning out, pounds dropping part. (Yes, I know how ridiculous I'm being).
  
• Ryan is so fun and amazing right now. His language is exploding, so many new words and phrases. He's also interested in sitting on the potty. What he's not interested in his doing anything on the potty. So basically we perch him up on toilet and he sits there and smiles for 45 seconds. It takes longer to undress him, undiaper him, redress him and rediaper him then it does to sit on the potty. Yet hysterical non-the-less.
  
• In other news: Nothing exciting to report. Just life as usual.

The Ugly Three Legged Stool

Back in April our Sophie girl was diagnosed with feline diabetes. At nearly 17 years old, the diagnosis came as shock. Yet, after a life free of health problems until a sudden decline, it wasn't exactly unexpected either.

For a little while she seemed to hold steady with a special diet and not much else. 

Unfortunately, it was only a temporary fix. Our old girl is going down hill again and I know that our next choices aren't ideal: Insulin or mercy.

I feel like a asshole for saying that I don't want to go the insulin route. It's an expensive and intrusive option for a geriatric cat that hates all things medicine and injections. It doesn't seem fair to her to have to go through that in her twilight years.

At the same time, it's not fair to her to not feel well either. Poor girl, she's spends most of her day hiding from the crazy that is life with a toddler. She is most active in the mornings before he wakes and in the evenings when he's in bed. She's nearly blind and while she has trouble always making it to her box, she does everything in her power to not make it worse then it already is. I'm sure this situation is heartbreaking and embarrassing for her.

Yet, I can't bring myself to face the alternative. The one that means she won't be here anymore. Not when she's still capable of being a part of our family. She still greets us every morning and watches us head up to bed every night. She still hops up on the sofa with me every evening for TV time and sneaks onto the bed when she thinks Mr. Berg isn't watching.

When I found myself in this position a year ago, it made sense. Bob was dying, there wasn't anything I could do to save him. Sure, I could try  medicine that would buy him at best a few more weeks and at worst a few more hours but I couldn't buy him quality of life. I knew what I was doing with merciful. I knew my choice was the best gift I could give him.

With Sophie, I don't know. I feel like I'm failing her on every level no matter the decision.

I think deep down, I know which choice is right. I know she doesn't want to feel so crumby. I know she knows that time is running short. There are nights when we're curled up on the sofa, I'll be engrossed in the TV when I suddenly look down and realize she's watching me. Her gaze soft and silent. Almost as if she's taking it all in, trying to remember every detail. 

There is no way to wrap this up in a pretty bow and end the story with a happy ending. There are going to be tears and there are going to be sad times ahead. I just wish I knew when the time is right.

I hate knowing that this is coming. I absolutely hate it.