Small Town Follies Volume 1

It is primary election day in my small town.

My voting place just happens to be at the local church down the street from my house. According to my Dad, he went to Kindergarten there as well.

I typically vote first thing in the morning, however, today I had an early breakfast meeting so I stopped in over lunch.

In the parking lot 7 elderly men were waiting to present me with fliers, tablets, pencils and pens all baring the insignia of their candidate.

Inside another little old man handed me a piece of paper to write my name and first letter of party affiliation on.
(He winked at me when I wrote "R")

From there I walked across fellowship hall to present my paper to the registration "girl as instructed." She was probably 70 and her partner was at lest 80. They both complimented me on my red rain coat and the older one said "Oh I remember you, you're the girl with the pretty ring"
(Mr. Berg picks out great engagement rings, honest)

From there another elderly man, with a walker no less, showed me to my voting booth.

I would like to take a moment to tell you, I was the only voter in the whole place.

He told me I was the youngest voter he'd seen that day.
I'm not sure he could see very well but I took his word for it.

It took me 40 seconds to cast my votes. I had my handy cheat sheet ready of all the candidates I wanted to vote for. I did my homework and double checked my answers with my Dad, another political guru.

I spent the next 40 minutes hanging out with my old folk peeps in the snack bar while I had my lunch.
You see, my voting place is awesome. The church ladies sell breakfast sandwiches, pancakes, scrapple, etc for breakfast and for lunch and dinner there's always turkey sandwiches, pork and sauerkraut and sugar cakes.

And damn those sugar cakes are good :)

Grocery Store Sightings, Round 2

Because it isn't all about making my butt smaller....


Random Friday Around Lunch Time:

12 year old boy whining to his mom about wanting pizza rolls wearing an "I Love Boobies" T-shirt.

1. Why wasn't he in school?
2. What mother lets her son out of the house like that? Seriously, I hope the poor woman couldn't read

Typical Wednesday- Rush Hour
A crazed looking late 20 something in a grey t shirt with purple lettering, red gym shorts and pink sneakers sprinting through the baking aisle with a bag of chocolate chunks in her hand. As she turned toward check out you could clearly see the hand prints left in flour on her ass and a blob of cookie dough stuck to her back....

(This may or may not have been me)

Today- Pouring Down Rain- Lunch Time
A check out boy with hair to his waist was scanning my two bags of salad. (We were out)
His hair was stringy and damp looking...
JB- Did you just walk through that crazy downpour outside?
CB- Nope, been here since 8 this morning, haven't been outside
JB- {confused look}
Internal Monologue "Why does his hair look so wet?"

Shutter.....

Grocery Store Stories

My small town is a strange place. We have a nice assortment of characters, most of which vary from fashion plates to simple minded whack-a-doos.

Fortunately, or unfortunately- depending on how you look at it, the simple minded whack-a-doos all seem to congregate at my local grocery store.

Behold, my rather random observations:

• Saturday 8:38am- I witnessed an over weight woman in shorty short sweat shorts and a tank top (no bra, of course) pushing her vastly over weight toddler in a shopping cart. The little boy, wearing only a diaper was eating buffalo wings and tossing the bones onto the floor in each aisle. Their path was easier to follow then Hanzel and Gretel's.
• A different Saturday 9:45am- Tall skinny woman in tight jeans, lingerie top and leather jacket (please notes it was 85 degrees and 100% humidity outside.) I'm pretty sure she was either a hooker or I was witnesses to a walk of shame grocery store pit stop. She only purchased a case of diet coke and two bags of chips and used a couon. Savy hooker, that one.
• A random Thursday morning 6:45am- An old man dressed in overalls purchasing three donuts, a container of coffee, two bags of beef jerky and a pound of bacon. He told me he ran out of essentials. I nearly died laughing.
• This past Saturday: A man about Mr. President's age wondering aimlessly around the store holding a shopping list. He asked me for help and I discovered he hadn't been in a grocery store in 20 years. His wife recently had surgery and couldn't do the shopping. I basically had him follow me around the store and walked him through his list. He was hysterical and obviously had no idea what he was doing.