The Last Time I Ever Saw Your Face

I dreamed of GI Joe the other night. It has been months since that happened.

It wasn't a remarkable dream. He was just a character in a play my mind created while I was busily snoring on my pillow. He was helping me find something... shoes maybe?, I don't remember.

There was no longing in the dream, no sadness, no tears. He was just there and when I woke up he was gone.

I didn't give it much of a second thought when I woke up. But later in the day while I was idling folding laundry, something occurred to me. I don't remember our last kiss, or the last time he held my hand. I don't remember the last time he told me he loved me. I don't remember looking at his face for the last time.

It's probably because I thought I'd see him again. Our last day together, he dropped me off at an airport in Kentucky so I could fly home. I know we kissed goodbye, I know I hugged him. I'm sure I cried. But none the less, I don't remember any specifics. I just know I was there.

Regardless, all of that was thousand years ago.

I do remember one of our last phone calls. I remember telling him I was happy and fulfilled. I remember the words he spoke to me. I remember him asking me to come back. I remember thinking what courage that must have took.

I asked him if he'd recently found Jesus, had a recent head injury, stopped or started drinking or had an issue with amnesia. All of of which he answered no to.

I told him I could be his friend, I could let him back into a small slice of my life, but he could never have my heart again.

We spoke a few times after that. Mostly to chit chat and catch up on mindless details of our lives.
Once Mr. Berg and I got engaged, he stopped coming around.

I later found it he had remarried (that's right, after me he got married and then got divorced... which is why he came crawling back) and had another child (did I mention he had one of those prior to me?).

He moved on.

I moved on.

As much as I love my life and bask in all of the dreams of mine that have come true, I am still amazed I got here.

How could I have known, the last time I saw his face would be the first time I truly found my way to happiness?

I'm thankful for that moment, even if I don't remember it.