How to Be a Fat Ass in Several Easy Steps

Step One:
Fly Here

(That's Naples, Florida in case you were wondering)

Step Two:
Make a Pit Stop Here

While you're there- partake in the following sub steps

2a:
Eat These
(AKA- The World's Best Fish Tacos)

2b.
Drink One (maybe two) of These
Key Lime Martini

Step Three:

Get Hungry for Dinner and Eat These
(Stone Crab Claws anyone?)

Celebrate Your Pop-Pop's 90th Birthday While You're At it

Step Four:

Eat These the Following Afternoon for Lunch

More Fish Taco's

(Not as good as Tommy's but whatever)

Sub step Four:

You Will Also Need One of Those

Step Five:
Have Dinner Here

Eat Everything in Sight.... Yes, I said everything.

In the meantime, when you're not somewhere eating and drinking,
enjoy chips, gin and tonics and pretzels at will.

Also, split a bottle of wine with your mother whenever the mood strikes.
(This should be fairly often)

And in just two short days your pants will be too tight,
your body will be bloated and your tummy will be oh-so-very happy.


If you need me, I'll be drinking tons of water and counting my points in an attempt to undo the damage.

Wish Me Luck!