Staying in the Moment

Lately, it has been difficult to keep myself in the moment. There is so much to worry about, so much to anticipate, so much to consider. Some of it is so stupid to even waste time worrying about, but the rest of it..... it's heavy. Sometimes the simple stuff gets blended into the more complex stuff, sometimes the more complex stuff only requires an easy answer. Worst yet, the snow ball effect. One simple question creates a total shit storm of crazy.

For example: It's time to fill out my flexible spending form for next year. How much money should I withhold? Well, are we getting pregnant in 2014? Can we afford a baby? What happens if there are complications again? How much would that cost? What if their aren't complications? What if.... And then the shit storm begins. Instead of worrying about taking $25 or $30 out of my check each month, I'm concerned about pregnancy complications, what month this phantom baby will be due and what kind of class cupcakes I'll be baking someday. Because that really matters, doesn't it?

I'm trying desperately not to let the weight of all the big stuff crush down on me. I'm just trying to focus on the here and now. But that storm I talked about before? It's a blowing and it has the power to change everything and nothing, all at the same time. And then what?

So like I said, today I'm struggling with staying in the moment and pushing aside the "what ifs?"


Anyone else?