Wouldn't Have Listened Anyway

A few weeks ago I had a crazy dream regarding GI Joe. (I know, it shocked me too)

I hadn't thought of him for a long, long time until one night I was running about of songs to sing to little man. For whatever reason, Matchbox 20's Bright Lights popped into my head and I sang it. All the while, remembering someone who broke my heart and the feelings of desperation, loss and devastation that followed those moments in my life. Gosh, it feels it was a life time of sadness but in reality, it wasn't more then a couple of months.

Later I put a little boy down in his crib and smiled to myself thinking about how amazing my life turned out to be.
Later that night, my subconscious went to work.

In my dream I knew that I wasn't married, didn't have a child and was on my own. I was attending some sort of business function and was staying at a hotel. In my dream, I knew there was a possibility I would run into GI Joe.

*side note: That probably stems from a real life fear/concern that I might run into GI Joe in an airport someday. I have no idea what that's a concern for me, but it is. I'm strange- I know*

Anyway.....

As the dream goes on I end up running into GI Joe. We saw each other from across the lobby and walked towards one another. We embrace, kiss and look into each others eyes. Then I suddenly felt a sinking feeling and found myself looking down at my hands searching for my wedding band and engagement ring. My fingers were empty, there was dent in my skin where my rings were to be. I remember asking for my family, for my husband, my son... and someone said to me "You aren't married, you don't have a husband. You don't have any children."

And then I woke up, completely devastated.

It took my a while to wake up and inventory my life. My husband was sleeping next to me, my son was sleeping across the hall. I looked at my hand and admired my rings, finally calming down and relaxing back into my pillows.

I wish I could go back and tell the old, sad and broken me how awesome life was about to get. How it is always darkest before the dawn. How, the darkness I felt that was just the start of a whole new and amazing life that was just around the corner.

I wish I would tell her those things. But the truth is, we all know she wouldn't have listened anyway. 23 year olds are annoying like that.