Gratitude

Yesterday I had my annual "down there" exam. Typically, this day would be approached with a sense of dread and a let's just get it over with mentality. However, I'm a weirdo and I actually like going to my ob/gyn's office. The whole exam process, not so much. However, when you get to sit down and talk with the person that saved your life years ago, you get excited.

We made small talk during the exam process and after that, as always, I was invited to sit down in my Doctor's office and go over things and ask questions. As is typical, I always have questions.

As I sat down, he looked at me from across his desk and said "I just used you as an example yesterday."

Oh?

He explained he had met with another mom who experienced a traumatic birth experience. She was worried about conceiving again and didn't know if she should. My doctor said I was the first person to cross his mind and he told her my story and how I went on to have a second healthy pregnancy and about the most boring, text book birth, known to man kind.

How would you know? I joked, you weren't even there.

Yes, that's true, but the doctor who delivered Jacob called me and filled me in.

It wasn't totally boring, I chided. There's was a bleeding issue, again.

True, but in comparison to last time? Child's play.


It's funny how we can joke about it now. But the truth is, Ryan almost didn't get a mom. My resilient little boy, survived a traumatic birth without a single issue. Meanwhile, his mom nearly died. I don't remember every detail of that day, I can't explain every thing that went wrong or explain why what happened to me happened. I doubt anyone can. Things had the potential to go very badly that day and while a lot of shit in the fan, we all came out the other side.

While my birth story is never very out of my mind, I don't spend much time dwelling on it these days. Sure, certain things remind me of it, like the nose sucker I still use on Jacob, on a pair of hospital socks I pull from the drawer when my feet get cold.

Yesterday, I took a few moments and thought about how far we've come from those wee morning hours of July 17th, 2012. I was barely hours into being a mom and there I was fighting for my life, confused, overwhelmed and not yet realizing the rug had been completely pulled out from underneath me.

We've all come along way from that scary night. We're all so incredibly lucky.

I remain forever grateful.