Pregnancy has it's perks. People give you their seats, no one allows you to carry anything, not one person will judge you when you buy a two pound bag of candy hearts at the store... there are certainly benefits.
There are, on the other hand, some pregnancy related down falls as well. There's sciatic pain, strange looks from acquaintances who aren't sure if they should or shouldn't mention your huge belly, heart burn and the worst, at least for me, lack of bladder control. Sneezing, sudden coughing fits and laughter have become some what of a nightmare....
When I got the stomach flu last month, the lacking bladder control left much to be desired. When I first got sick, rather suddenly I should add, I totally peed myself. My poor, poor maternity Sevens... they will never be the same. Thankfully, I was smart and was able to quickly get myself cleaned up, run a load of laundry and dig out my leftover hospital U-Boat pads before the next round. I saved many a pair of pants that day,
I wasn't so lucky this past Wednesday....
The first Wednesday of every month I attend a board meeting for a local non-profit. The meeting is held in a fancy, schmancy board room at a local office. (Did I mention they just redid the carpets?)
.......(those poor carpets)......
Anyway.....
I left for the meeting earlier then ususal to run a few errands. Before leaving my office, I made my typical pit stop. After running my errands and arriving at the meeting location, I made another pit stop. The meeting only lasted 45 minutes, I should have been in good shape....
Should have being the key phrase.....
About 10 minutes into the meeting my throat started to get scratchy, thanks to a head cold I've been nursing. I grabbed a water bottle and hoped for the best.
The water did well to sooth my throat, but I had to keep sipping on it to ensure I didn't bust into a coughing fit.
With 5 minutes left, I was out of water but my throat seemed to be soothed.
(or so I thought)
As the meeting ended and people started to file out, I made pleasantries with a few colleagues and started to make my way out of the building.
Just as I left the board room and turned the corner, it happened: A sudden coughing fit.
I didn't even have time to react.
I felt my pants suddenly become wet and warm and a trickle appeared near my ankle.
Ohsweetmercifuljesus... I'm 32 and I just peed myself
I quickly glanced behind me and to my side, realizing no one was near by I let out a sigh of relief...
which caused me to cough.... and pee.... again.
At this point it was either cry or laugh, and laugh I did, all the way out of the building and to my car.... peeing all the way.
And then it wasn't so funny..... I was standing in the middle of a sub zero parking lot, in the middle of evening rush hour in our downtown business district, in pee soaked dress pants.
Have I ever mentioned my car has suede seats?....
Yeah, it does.
After a quick assessment of my surroundings I was left with few choices:
A. Drive home fully dressed, sitting on the one towel I had in my car then may or may not be covered in sippy cup spills
B. Go back inside and dry my pants on the hand dry in the bathroom, while hoping no one walks in.
C. Somehow remove pants and drive home in undies, on the towel that may or may not be covered in spills?
I was going to go for option A but quickly realized my pants contained more "fluids" then my towel was capable of holding. Plus, the odds of not coughing again weren't exactly in my favor.
I couldn't go back into the building and use the hand dryer as I knew several other meeting were soon wrapping up- thus key bathroom time.
So, option C was.
Unfortunately, my belly is just big enough that removing my pants in my car would be next to impossible.
Thankfully, I was parked close enough to the car next to me that opening my driver side door and passenger to create enough of a barrier no one could see what I was doing. Well, until I needed to close the doors and hop in.
Thanks to God's perfect timing and a sudden energy surge I was able to remove my pants, shut the passenger door and jump in the drivers seat before my soggy buns were on display for the general public.
15 minutes later I was home, in the shower, hoping to flush the memory of my board room tinkle from my mind.
Too bad hindsight makes it funny!
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