Funny Stuff

The Back Pain Problem:
Baby Boy loves to hang out on my right side. Specifically, he loves hanging out against my right hip. Add to that his new tick, leaning on my tail bone, and you have the perfect storm of lower back pain. Most of my day is consumed with alternating pain in either my right hip or my ass. I either feel like I should drag my leg behind me, or that my tail bone has grown a hook and it's trying to pop out my butt.

I keep feeling around back there expecting to feel a lump or a bone or a perhaps a dagger. But so far, all seems pretty normal. Thanks, Kid. I really appreciate you playing puppeteer with my muscles. That's really nice of you.

Last night Mr. Berg and I visited the Mid-Wife for my every other week appointment. I made mention of my hip and tail bone pain. She confirmed what I already knew, there isn't much that can be done. Although, she did offer to me a pamphlet on Pregnancy and Back Pain.

Mr. Berg thought this was the holy grail of information and carried it out of the office like it was gold. Ever the skeptic, I figured it would be full of information that I already knew and was already doing.

As we were pulling out of the parking lot I started reading the brochure. By the time we got on the highway I had put it down (2.5 miles later).

MB- Why aren't you reading your information?

JB- I don't like the pictures.

MB- You don't like the pictures?

JB- Nope, the women in those pictures are ugly and it's annoying me.

MB- There could be good information in there and you're ignoring it because of the pictures?

JB- Yup.

(Stopped a red light)

MB- Give me the pamphlet

JB- I'm telling you, the women are ugly and it's distracting. (hands pamphlet to husband)

MB- (Peruses pamphlet) You realize these pictures are technically illustrations?

JB- Yes, I am aware.

MB- You are refusing to read information that could possibly help you because the illustrations are ugly?

JB- Does that surprise you?

MB- (sighs) No, not really

(five minutes of quiet goes by)

MB- The women in that pamphlet really are ugly.

JB- Told you so.


My Sample

I have to bring a "sample" with me to every doctor's appointment. When I first got pregnant, I was given a cup and was told to bring that cup with me to every appointment with a sample of first morning urine.

After some debate on what constitues that first time you pee in the morning. 4am or 6:30am? I'm known to go both times... It was determined that the first time I get up to go, even if it's the middle of the night, I should make a collection.

So I do, and I make sure to wash and dry the outside of the cup once the sample is secure. No leaks for this girl.

Thus, most mornings prior to my appointment, Mr. Berg will find my sample sitting on the bathroom sink. It grosses him out every time. And I giggle. I giggle because A. It's just pee and B. What does he think our kid is going to do to him?

When morning arrives, I transfer my cup from the bathroom counter to the fridge. Mr. Berg always makes me put it in a baggie and ensures it's well hidden in the fridge. Heaven forbid someone open our fridge (after breaking into our perfectly locked up house) and find pee in the fridge.

He refuses to touch the cup and is disgusted by the fact I carry it in my purse on the way to our appointments.

Trust me, Coach, Louie, Kate.... they've all seen the sample cup, they are all still in service. It's not a big deal.

Yesterday I was running late to pick up Mr. Berg on the way to our appointment. I called him on the way and saying "Meet me in the driveway, bring my sample."

I pulled into the drive to find my husband standing on the side walk holding my sample, wearing a rubber glove.

Oh good gravy.

The Nursery Carpet

We finished painting the nursery early last week and had the carpets cleaned on Friday while Mr. Berg was out of town.

I was given strict instructions to make sure the cats stayed out of the baby's room. I may have ignored that little gem.

On Friday night the cats ignored the room. The door was propped open an the window was open but the carpets were damp. Seeing as I have two furry wusses, no one ventured into the forbidden kingdom.

Early Saturday morning the carpet was still slightly damp but a nice breeze was filtering through the room so I felt the door propped and the window open. Later that afternoon I couldn't find either furr ball. It wasn't long before I found them stretched out on the now clean, dry carpeting, snoozing in the sunshine.

A few minutes later Mr. Berg called to check on me (or maybe the carpets). The cats aren't in the baby's room are they? he called.

Hmm.... Nope, nope they're aren't.

I didn't see either cat until the sunset. For them, it was probably the best day EVER.