Below the Surface

On Monday night I had the opportunity to talk to LB.
Even though LB is my brother and we're close as close gets, we don't talk very often. He's busy with his job and his life in the big city and I'm busy with my job and my life here in our small town.

This doesn't mean we don't love each other, it doesn't mean we're bad family, we just believe in quality rather then quantity.

Poor LB, he's having a rough time of it right now.
His job is awesome, his roommate is really cool and is professional life is amazing. He's having a rough go of it was his gf.  For the time being I'll refer to her as Lanky.

Lanky is a great girl. She's funny, smart, beautiful and easy going. But and trust me, there is a big but coming here. She's experiencing what I'd like to call failure to launch syndrome.
She graduated from college A YEAR AGO with an awesome in demand degree. All of her friends with the same degree had jobs lined up prior to graduation. Lanky graduated top of her class, she should be in high demand, she should have a job.
Not so much.

And without getting into a lot of details that I'm not sure LB would be comfortable with me discussing in a public forum, I can tell you this:

LB has supported Lanky as best as he can up to this point. However, LB has a life, a job, responsibilities to respond to and a reputation to uphold. Lanky, doesn't seem to get this.
Lanky doesn't seem to understand it's time to grow up.

LB is a probably more of a grown up then me.
He gets it.

Thus, he's had to put his foot down.
He has told Lanky he won't be seeing her anymore until she can get her act in gear.
Lanky thinks LB is being mean.
Lanky has told LB that he's had it easy because his life has been "planned for him."
Lanky resents LB's success and thinks LB shouldn't be so focused on his job and his success at his job.
This cuts through me like a knife because:
1. LB has planned his own life
2. LB has worked his ass off to create the life he has for himself
3. LB has been determined to be a success for as long as I can remember.
4. GI Joe pulled this very same shit on me
5. I know exactly how LB feels, I remember it very, very well.

LB and I talked about this a lot and while I'm confident he knows how hard he's worked and I know he doesn't feel guilty for his success, I sure he's hurting just the same.

He knows he has to cut the cord. If it all works out and they get back together, it will be for the best and because it was meant to be.
If it doesn't, well, again, it will be for the best and because it wasn't meant to be.

He asked me if the pain from my break up with GI Joe ever went away.
I told him that of course it did. I pointed out all the good things that came into my life when GI Joe left.
I told him how my life just got better.
And it did, it absolutely did.
But the pain? Nope.
It's still just below the surface.

As thankful as I am, as grateful as I am.
The GI Joe roots run deep and from time to time they ache.
Not for the return of a former life.
But because of the loss.
First loves have a way of rooting into you like that.

You never forget them.
And the hurt, it will always be there, just below the surface.