Why I Can't Be Left Alone with Pork BBQ and Other Musings

Yesterday we had friends over for lunch after church. Since we had a busy Saturday and I was home with a sick child on Friday, I didn't have a ton of time to prepare a wholesome meal prior to early Sunday morning. Since crock pots require zero babysitting and my love of pork knows no limits, I whipped up some pork barbecue with macaroni and cheese, coleslaw and fresh fruit.

And then I ate it all.....


Okay, not true, but I had to really, really talk myself into portion control and making good choices. I had some last sandwich for lunch yesterday and bid my goodbyes. The kids had some left over for dinner. I froze the rest to give them another time and pitched the coleslaw before I could dive into face first.  It's the pretend southerner in me. I just really love me some barbecue.

BBQ Obsession aside, I am trying my very, very best to focus on healthy choices both with eating and exercise. Standing on the scale Friday and seeing a much lower number was some serious motivation. It carried me through the weekend. Even though I went out on a beer tour with my gals and their guys, I didn't over indulge and enjoyed myself just the same.

Yesterday I started incorporating an old Biggest Loser tactic back into my routine. Years ago, some of the contestants would write their next goal weight on the side on their wrists. I loved that idea as it was a constant reminder of the goal in front of me and sometime just the right kick in the pants to not have that doughnut whole or fill up the water glass on last time.

Right now, 148, is written on the inside of my left wrist, just about my watch band. While there's a piece of me that HATES the number, there's a much large piece of me that's ready to blow that out of the water next week.

Jillian and I are still seeing each other on the daily. This week is tough, 4:30am workouts all week long. I am 100% spent by the time 7:30pm rolls around but there is something really addicting about getting all your sweating done prior to the sun coming up. It's good me time, even if it does come at the crack of dawn. 

Some days it's hard to keep me the motivation, to carve out a piece of time for me, to feel like I'm anything but stuck. But I keep plowing out. There's no other choice, really. 

I'm Just Going to Whine Over Here for a Minute

This is an attitude adjustment in the form of a blog post. 

Why: I just started my "." for the second time in 13 days.  Why is this happening? I'm not really sure. Neither is my doctor for that matter.  However, since it's the first time something like this has ever happened, we are monitoring the situation and proceeding with the plan in place.

I am, just as any women in the situation would be, pretty pissed off. This is obviously not how I intended to spend my week. Extra bloat, fatigue, night sweats and pimples. FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!

No to mention the bitchiness, and oh, I am bitchy..... so, so bitchy.

So here I am, trying not to implode on myself or explode on anyone else.  Not to mention, I stood on the scale this morning and wanted to faint. The extra bloat really, really didn't help the situation.

So, today I am doing my best to maintain status quo and reminding myself of all the incredible tools I have in my tool box. I cannot control what my body is doing, obviously, but I can control how I handle it.

I'm not happy with the number on the scale. But here's what I should be happy about:

I worked out 5 days this week, which included early morning wake up calls and a lot, a lot of squats.

Some of the moves I couldn't do well earlier in the week went much, much better later in the week.

I'm finding my strength and endurance has begun to improve since I first got started.

I feel better during the day, my self esteem is higher, I know I'm doing good things for myself even if my physical appearance hasn't changed much.

Next week I need to do a better job to focusing on my eating. I do a great job of meal planning and ensure good food it ready for me. Where I falter- snacking and kid food. I get home from work and picking the kids up and it's a mindless eating game until dinner. I'm sure, if I really tracked it, I will have eaten two dinners by the time I finish up dinner and clean up the kitchen. There in lies the problem.

So, next week, we start working on that situation. 

I'm trying to grant myself some perspective. This is not the end of the world. This is a minor, uncontrollable set back. I can deal with this, I just need to grant myself the grace in which to do so. 

So, About Hawaii

Two weeks ago today, my husband came home from work with matching leis for us. It's on! We are Maui bound in 86 days.


Coincidentally,  I had just been here talking about how I needed to get on the stick with my workout. Hours before he came home, I was in our basement setting out my weights, ensuring the DVD player worked and had set my workout schedule for the following week.

Awesome, right? I was ahead of the game by 2.5 hours. Before you roll your eyes, remember, I'm in Mom World. 2.5 hours is HUGE!


Fast forward to today. I completed the first two weeks of Jillian's Body Revolution. (And I'm up two pounds!)


FAN-TASTIC, right?


I keep trying to remind myself that a healthy lifestyle is more about the number on scale. Change takes time.

While I typically take pride in my millennial status. That whole need for instant gratification is really kicking me in the pants right now. I want change and I want it now!


Trust me, I know life doesn't work that way. But oh how I wish it would.


So for now, I continue to trust the process. There is no point in stressing about it right now.

Good things come to those who work for it.

Just Let This Happen

Hi!

Miss me?

I missed you.... like a lot.



I know, I know. I haven't been here a lot lately. I bored you guys with tales of losing weight (again). Then we decided we'd be all fancy and move across town. Cue epic amount of whining about the stupid sellers of our new house.

It's okay, you can totally roll your eyes. I do it all the time at myself. It's therapeutic.....

Anyway.

Here I am, sitting at my desk at work, eating my Greek chicken bowl and wondering how long this early spring Central PA is getting will last. I'm not banking on it lasting very long, but it's a nice thing to have. It also makes me wonder if I suffer from seasonal effective disorder? My mood has been greatly lifted since the warm weather began.

Plus, the warm weather has me all excited for Lilly dresses and pink and flip flops.  With that I must remind myself: If I'm going to wear a Lilly dress, I'm going to need nice legs. In order to have nice legs, I might have to go visit my friend Jillian.

yeah..... about that........


We've been very off in our on again off again relationship recently.

Homegirl is going to kick my butt! (Not that I don't deserve it or need it)


Since we moved into our new house, I've been struggling with finding balance. My job got busier, my kids got bigger and busier, our new house is bigger and needs EVERYTHING. My marriage is growing older and move comfortable. While nothing is wrong there, keeping a healthy marriage is work. Good work, but work nonetheless.

It's been hard to find time to sit down, let alone fit in a work out. With that, it's hard to work on me in general. 

Last month I participated in my annual January Advocare 24 Day Challenge. It was life affirming. Since then I have been more focused on eating right and have stuck with the MNS packets. Since the challenge ended I haven't lost any additional weight, but I'm noticing a lot of other positive changes- sleep better, way less bloated, energy increasing. 

So now there's no excuses, time to work out. 



(Also, there's a remote possibility I could get to go to Hawaii this summer.... very remote, but if I get to go, I need to look cute. Cute takes time)

Gone

Last week an old friend of mine past away. We hadn't been in touch in a number of years. I could probably count the number of times we've run into each other past high school graduation on one hand (and that's being generous).

However, I always knew he was out there based on mutual friend's Facebook posts and such. His picture would appear and I'd think to myself how much he looked the same or how time has been kind to him.  He was a consummate gentleman, flawless style, an old soul. He always seemed to be keeping a secret. As time went by and I watched him from afar it seemed to me that he always knew something about himself and he was afraid others might not appreciate or accept.

I never knew if my hypothesis was correct. Not that it mattered anyway. He business is and was certainly none of mine.

Nonetheless, I had the utmost respect for him.

His death came as a shock. I wasn't aware that he had been ill and there was no news of a sudden accident or tragic mishap. Instead, it appears that was deep eternal struggle and he succumbed to it.  The only notice: a few facebook posts and a short mention of his name and residence in the obituary section of our local news paper.


That is a tragedy all its own.  For someone once so full of life to be gone with a lack of tangible artifacts.

I'm sure behind the scenes for those closest to him there just too much going on. Too much sadness, too much shock, too much of just everything.


I'll miss him.

New In Town

As of Saturday we've officially lived in our house for two very long, very short weeks. We're slowing beginning to navigate our new home, the kitchen and pantry are organized and functioning. We can't always  remember what light switches work what and it never fails we're be downstairs before we realize we left the upstairs hall light on,.... again.

The hallways seem longer and darker in the middle of the night when you're trying to get to a crying child .

We've installed a new kitchen sink faucet, we have an amazing new fridge. Within days of moving in the roofers arrived with their very loud crew and very big dump truck. This was much the amazement of two small boys and to the the dismay of neighbors everywhere, I'm sure.

We're learning to ins and outs of a new grocery store that doesn't sell cheese hot dogs or my favorite kind of salad dressing. But the cheese selection is awesome and the beer section will soon be selling wine too.

We have yet to meet the neighbors(probably something to do with the roofers) or found anyone with kids our age. I think I figured out the fastest route home during rush hour and I know when we leave in the mornings to still get to work on time.

Thanks to the new roof we now know Central PA has tree frogs and that they can end up on your bathroom floor on the middle of an other wise idle Monday evening. I now also know you can get your automatic garage doors serviced on Tuesday and then on Friday a spring will break and cause the whole kit and caboodle to fall down. (I also now know that will really, REALLY piss your husband off).

We have worked endlessly and tirelessly to move everything from our old house, our storage shed(s) and my parents house into our new house. We spent most of this weekend rearranging, unpacking, reorganizing and re-situating. While it appears to are getting no where, the box piles are less and less and the closets are getting fuller and fuller. So, something is moving in the right direction somewhere.

While we only moved across town, we still moved. New school district, new address, new zip code, new township. I lay my head down at night in my new bedroom, on my new street and while I feel at home, I still feel like I'm new in town. All at the same time.

Gratitude

Yesterday I had my annual "down there" exam. Typically, this day would be approached with a sense of dread and a let's just get it over with mentality. However, I'm a weirdo and I actually like going to my ob/gyn's office. The whole exam process, not so much. However, when you get to sit down and talk with the person that saved your life years ago, you get excited.

We made small talk during the exam process and after that, as always, I was invited to sit down in my Doctor's office and go over things and ask questions. As is typical, I always have questions.

As I sat down, he looked at me from across his desk and said "I just used you as an example yesterday."

Oh?

He explained he had met with another mom who experienced a traumatic birth experience. She was worried about conceiving again and didn't know if she should. My doctor said I was the first person to cross his mind and he told her my story and how I went on to have a second healthy pregnancy and about the most boring, text book birth, known to man kind.

How would you know? I joked, you weren't even there.

Yes, that's true, but the doctor who delivered Jacob called me and filled me in.

It wasn't totally boring, I chided. There's was a bleeding issue, again.

True, but in comparison to last time? Child's play.


It's funny how we can joke about it now. But the truth is, Ryan almost didn't get a mom. My resilient little boy, survived a traumatic birth without a single issue. Meanwhile, his mom nearly died. I don't remember every detail of that day, I can't explain every thing that went wrong or explain why what happened to me happened. I doubt anyone can. Things had the potential to go very badly that day and while a lot of shit in the fan, we all came out the other side.

While my birth story is never very out of my mind, I don't spend much time dwelling on it these days. Sure, certain things remind me of it, like the nose sucker I still use on Jacob, on a pair of hospital socks I pull from the drawer when my feet get cold.

Yesterday, I took a few moments and thought about how far we've come from those wee morning hours of July 17th, 2012. I was barely hours into being a mom and there I was fighting for my life, confused, overwhelmed and not yet realizing the rug had been completely pulled out from underneath me.

We've all come along way from that scary night. We're all so incredibly lucky.

I remain forever grateful.