The Phone Call

Alternate  Title: The Shittiest Thing I've Ever Had to Google


Our poor Sophie Cat is reaching the end of her days. Between her advanced age, her arthritis and her diabetes, the odds are continuously stacking against her. She has her good days and her bad days. Lately, most of her good days are shadowed by the bad. She's gone from having accidents just outside her box on pee pads to all over the house. It's not exactly fun to come home every day and play the "find the puddle" game. It's especially not fun to play with a two year old.

I know she finds it embarrassing. I know she hates it just as much as I do.

On her good days she runs around the house and snuggles with Ryan. She watches us play in the living room, perched up on the ottoman on or the sofa. She relaxes in her bed while I make dinner or argue with Ryan over how many fruit snack packs are appropriate at snack time. (The answer is two, in case you were wondering)

Those are the times I find myself thinking- she's not ready.

But when I find her searching for the quietest, darkest place in the house or when she lays on the kitchen floor because she just can't go anywhere else or when she can't jump up on the sofa to sit with me. I know her can't go on like that.

Honestly, I know it's time.

She's on the downward slope. She will never get better. She will only get worse.

But 17 years of history and companionship keep me from picking up the phone and making the call.

I'm the one that's not ready.

I don't know if I can form the words to make the statement. I don't know how to talk to her vet about it without sounding like an ass. This is how I ended up goggling "Cat Euthanasia" this morning. Aside from some really sick people who "do it themselves" (shutter), I found a whole host of people that were in my same boat. There is no easy way to say, it's time.

I keep telling myself it is far better to do it now, while she still knows that life is good.  I'd rather watch her go happily and peacefully then uncomfortable and miserable.

I keep thinking about Bob and how easy of a decision it was to make. I had done everything I could. He was so sick, so suddenly.

Sophie's decline has been gradual and graceful. It would be wrong of me to string her along, waiting for the enviable to happen on it's own.


She has always done right by me. It's up to me to do right by her.

I just don't want to make that phone call.