Moving On....

Over the past three days I've been slowly transitioning Sophie's things out of the house. It's been a sad process.

On the day she died I stuck her bowl in the dishwasher and took her bed out to the garage. Not because I didn't want to look at it anymore.Rather- for my practical reasons: I didn't need a toddler throwing kibble that wasn't ever going to be eaten and her bed was well.... part of great accident of 2014.

So, yeah... necessary.


Ryan has asked for her at least 20 times. It's hard to explain to a toddler what Heaven is. Right now he keeps telling me that she's ow'side (outside- in toddler speak) which is philosophically and some what technically true. So we're sticking with that story. (Even though we all know Sophie was strictly an inside cat)

Oh Monday I have promised myself that I will get back on the stick with workouts. The scale is up like 3 pounds from a week and a half ago. Which is completely INSANE! That...... and my pants.... they don't fit.

It's going to be weird, Sophie was my work out buddy. I often joked she was my spotter or my coach. A lazy coach who often feel asleep while I was working out. She only would wake up during floor exercises or ab work. Then she'd come over to lick the sweat off my brow and try to sit on my belly. It annoyed me so much back then....

I'm...... I'm at a loss about all of this.
I cried more when Bob died. I think because he died so suddenly, even though he had been sick for so long.

Sophie wasn't sick for very long and her death was more scheduled and sudden.
My husband pointed out that I had more time to mourn for Sophie while she was still with us. I had time to process her illness and knew what to do when the time came.

That didn't make it any less hard, but less emotional? Maybe

 She was a constant in my life for 17 years, half my life. She saw me grow up, go off to college, start graduate school, she stayed up with me during late night study sessions and celebrated with me on my graduation day. She live with me in my first apartments and moved home with me when I started my career at Family Owned, Inc. She was waiting for me when I came home from my honeymoon and fussed over me when I was pregnant. She then promptly ignored my offspring for 6 weeks (sharing was never her strong suit). Through all of that, she was there.

Now, I'm trying to replace old habits and not cry at strange moments. Like at the check in line in the grocery store when I realized I could start using reusable bags since I didn't need the plastic ones for the cat litter anymore.

Someday I'm sure I'll stop trying to keep the basement door open for her or stop looking up from the deck to see if she's watching me from the sliding door. Someday I'll stop looking for her when I get home from work or after I put Ryan to bed and the house is quiet.

Someday, I hope soon, I won't feel her loss with every heart beat in our house.

Someday, I won't be so sad anymore.