Tough Spot

I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately. It isn't because of one specific thing, but rather a combination of many things.

In the past 21 days I have been in the hospital, spent three days laid up on the sofa, got a clean bill of health, flew to Las Vegas, missed two days of work for vacation, missed two half days due to illness and spent 3 days at various conferences, kicked off my mentoring program for the year, got a really bad cold, couldn't run for three days because of rain/the evil cold, and found myself increasingly behind on just about every task I wanted to do from work to home.  (wow, run on sentences much?)

Add to that, more friends are announcing pregnanciesand  touting the fact that it happened almost instantly. I am thrilled to death for each of them. I am sad for myself, it isn't working out that way for me. I spent a good 30 minutes talking to my best friend last night, she's due in March. She is so incredibly wonderful. From the words of encouragement to the laughs about our men and what they don't understand about the female anatomy. I hung up the phone feeling encouraged and loved and warm to the core.

Then I checked facebook and ANOTHER friend announced her second pregnancy. She's due on her daughter's second birthday.

(aughghaghagahghg)


I'm in a tough spot. I love my life, I love my family and my friends and most of all my husband and the life we've created together. I know that good things will come to us in God's perfect timing. But I can't help but feel envious. I can't help but think, if we had only started trying sooner. Deep down, I know talk like that won't help me feel better or get my over the mountain of wait and hope any faster. But it doesn't stop the thoughts from coming from time to time.
I just keep hoping and praying and focusing on today. Most of the time, that is enough. And then there are times when it just isn't. Like the past two days. It has done nothing but rain, my cold was coming to a head and I felt myself sinking lower and lower into that damn funk. I accomplished nothing other then catching up on DVR'd TV, ironing my clothes and making a good dinner for my husband. Everything else went to crap.

Today, instead of letting the funk win, I'm going to focus on digging myself out.
Lots of checks on the to do list, lost of positive thinking and lots of planning for a nice weekend.
That's all I can do. Live for today, live for the moment. Hope for the best.

(oh and Margaritaville on the XM radio today)

(and cold wine in the fridge when I get home)

(and plans to clean the house tomorrow, nothing satisfies my soul like a clean house)