We have officially entered the two week wait..... I feel like all I do is wait anymore these days.
I wait to ovulate, I wait to find out if my body is going to fertilize something or move on to the next.
Throw a cyst in there and once again I'm waiting... waiting for it to go away, waiting for it to stop hurting.... waiting, waiting, waiting.
Also, my pants don't fit today. That only person I have to blame for this is myself. And the candy corn. Oh candy corn..... the bane of my exsistence.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Dinner Converstations
Last night at dinner, my converstation with Mr. Berg went something like this:
JB: Guess what? (no pause for Mr. Berg to actually guess at anything) I got another smiley face today
MB: I thought you got a smiley face yesterday?
JB: I did.... and then I got another one today
MB: Wait... when did you find that out? You weren't home at all today
JB: I took a test in the bathroom at work
MB: At work?
JB: Yup, I put a little cup in my purse and everything
MB: You just like peeing on things don't you?
JB: It's possible.....
MB: So, I guess we're doing it again tonight
JB: Sure are
MB: I thought when we said we were going to start trying we would just let things happens
JB: I'm too type A for anything willy nilly
MB: Really? I hadn't noticed.....
JB: Guess what? (no pause for Mr. Berg to actually guess at anything) I got another smiley face today
MB: I thought you got a smiley face yesterday?
JB: I did.... and then I got another one today
MB: Wait... when did you find that out? You weren't home at all today
JB: I took a test in the bathroom at work
MB: At work?
JB: Yup, I put a little cup in my purse and everything
MB: You just like peeing on things don't you?
JB: It's possible.....
MB: So, I guess we're doing it again tonight
JB: Sure are
MB: I thought when we said we were going to start trying we would just let things happens
JB: I'm too type A for anything willy nilly
MB: Really? I hadn't noticed.....
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Random Things Found in my Purse
This is my purse...
I'm showing you this because you need to understand just how KLASSY the contents within is:
- Wallet
- Baggie of stomach medications including: Zantac, Pecid, Tums and some prescription type
(all of which are Mr. Berg's) - Sunglasses
- Chap Stick
- Five Pens
- A Spatula (I'm serving brownies at my Mentoring Event tonight)
- Three tampons
- One ovulation predictor stick
- One digital ovulation predictor stick reader
- Tylenol
- Midol
- A bottle of Diet Pepsi
- Hair Tie
- Coupon of an Exterminator
Louis Vuitton is rolling over in his (her?) grave right now.....
Atleast I have the matching wallet :)
Monday, October 17, 2011
Gettin Down with my Bad Self
And I mean bad self quite literally.
This bad self did get back on the exercise band wagon on Saturday morning as promised. I went on a running and did a firm express workout before breakfast and spent the next 4 hours cleaning my house, running errands and overall doing an excellent job at life. That was until I opened a bag of candy corn for my glass pumpkin jar. LIFE FAIL.
I think I've eaten a 1/4 of it so far.... FAIL.
And then there was fudge.... Mr.Berg, bless his heart, brought me home a container of fudge a co-worker had made for him. How wonderful. We opened it on Saturday evening, by Sunday at lunch time, it was gone. Fatty Mc Fatterson, fudge eater extraordinaire, at your service.
I am over it.
I read some of my posts from this time last year. I was so proud of my weight watching self. I was so into tracking and activity points and doing the right thing. Where did that girl go? She's been replaced with a short cut taking, fudge eating, candy corn downing, food whore. AUGUGH
Instead of beating myself up and going in for more (candy corn). I have decided to look at the positives of my life. I promised myself I'd get back into workout mode on Saturday and I did. Did it suck to drag my ass around the neighborhood on my Saturday morning run? You bet. But I did it anyway and I felt so much better because of it. I went down in the basement Sunday morning and got my second workout of the week in. It was awesome. I was thankful to be there and happy with myself for sticking to it.
I applaud that accomplishment and today I'm going to focus on today. Today I will stick to my goals. Today I will use positive talk to move myself through my list of things to do. Today I will be positive with myself.
I'm getting back to basics this week. I'm going to take it one day at a time. Plan my meals, eat my veggies and get in my daily activity. No long term planning, no worrying about tomorrow or Friday or what I'll do this weekend. Nope, just today.
On the baby making front. I am 16 days into my cycle. I don't believe I have ovulated yet, but all signs are pointing towards my body gearing up to do so. I'm 100% different this cycle then I was last cycle. Last cycle I am manic about my body's fertility signs. I obsessed over sore boobs, what was going on "down there" and how I felt every minute of every day.
This time, not so much. I'm just going with it. Will a relaxed state produce greater results? Who knows. I know in my heart that last cycle I wasn't meant to conceive. My body wasn't ready, it needed time. I haven't a clue if it's ready yet or not. I'm just following its cues and hoping for good things to head my way. Only time will tell.
And so, I focus on the here and now. What can I do today to make today great?
Today, it's all about me.
This bad self did get back on the exercise band wagon on Saturday morning as promised. I went on a running and did a firm express workout before breakfast and spent the next 4 hours cleaning my house, running errands and overall doing an excellent job at life. That was until I opened a bag of candy corn for my glass pumpkin jar. LIFE FAIL.
I think I've eaten a 1/4 of it so far.... FAIL.
And then there was fudge.... Mr.Berg, bless his heart, brought me home a container of fudge a co-worker had made for him. How wonderful. We opened it on Saturday evening, by Sunday at lunch time, it was gone. Fatty Mc Fatterson, fudge eater extraordinaire, at your service.
I am over it.
I read some of my posts from this time last year. I was so proud of my weight watching self. I was so into tracking and activity points and doing the right thing. Where did that girl go? She's been replaced with a short cut taking, fudge eating, candy corn downing, food whore. AUGUGH
Instead of beating myself up and going in for more (candy corn). I have decided to look at the positives of my life. I promised myself I'd get back into workout mode on Saturday and I did. Did it suck to drag my ass around the neighborhood on my Saturday morning run? You bet. But I did it anyway and I felt so much better because of it. I went down in the basement Sunday morning and got my second workout of the week in. It was awesome. I was thankful to be there and happy with myself for sticking to it.
I applaud that accomplishment and today I'm going to focus on today. Today I will stick to my goals. Today I will use positive talk to move myself through my list of things to do. Today I will be positive with myself.
I'm getting back to basics this week. I'm going to take it one day at a time. Plan my meals, eat my veggies and get in my daily activity. No long term planning, no worrying about tomorrow or Friday or what I'll do this weekend. Nope, just today.
On the baby making front. I am 16 days into my cycle. I don't believe I have ovulated yet, but all signs are pointing towards my body gearing up to do so. I'm 100% different this cycle then I was last cycle. Last cycle I am manic about my body's fertility signs. I obsessed over sore boobs, what was going on "down there" and how I felt every minute of every day.
This time, not so much. I'm just going with it. Will a relaxed state produce greater results? Who knows. I know in my heart that last cycle I wasn't meant to conceive. My body wasn't ready, it needed time. I haven't a clue if it's ready yet or not. I'm just following its cues and hoping for good things to head my way. Only time will tell.
And so, I focus on the here and now. What can I do today to make today great?
Today, it's all about me.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Tough Spot
I've been feeling a little out of sorts lately. It isn't because of one specific thing, but rather a combination of many things.
In the past 21 days I have been in the hospital, spent three days laid up on the sofa, got a clean bill of health, flew to Las Vegas, missed two days of work for vacation, missed two half days due to illness and spent 3 days at various conferences, kicked off my mentoring program for the year, got a really bad cold, couldn't run for three days because of rain/the evil cold, and found myself increasingly behind on just about every task I wanted to do from work to home. (wow, run on sentences much?)
Add to that, more friends are announcing pregnanciesand touting the fact that it happened almost instantly. I am thrilled to death for each of them. I am sad for myself, it isn't working out that way for me. I spent a good 30 minutes talking to my best friend last night, she's due in March. She is so incredibly wonderful. From the words of encouragement to the laughs about our men and what they don't understand about the female anatomy. I hung up the phone feeling encouraged and loved and warm to the core.
Then I checked facebook and ANOTHER friend announced her second pregnancy. She's due on her daughter's second birthday.
(aughghaghagahghg)
I'm in a tough spot. I love my life, I love my family and my friends and most of all my husband and the life we've created together. I know that good things will come to us in God's perfect timing. But I can't help but feel envious. I can't help but think, if we had only started trying sooner. Deep down, I know talk like that won't help me feel better or get my over the mountain of wait and hope any faster. But it doesn't stop the thoughts from coming from time to time.
I just keep hoping and praying and focusing on today. Most of the time, that is enough. And then there are times when it just isn't. Like the past two days. It has done nothing but rain, my cold was coming to a head and I felt myself sinking lower and lower into that damn funk. I accomplished nothing other then catching up on DVR'd TV, ironing my clothes and making a good dinner for my husband. Everything else went to crap.
Today, instead of letting the funk win, I'm going to focus on digging myself out.
Lots of checks on the to do list, lost of positive thinking and lots of planning for a nice weekend.
That's all I can do. Live for today, live for the moment. Hope for the best.
(oh and Margaritaville on the XM radio today)
(and cold wine in the fridge when I get home)
(and plans to clean the house tomorrow, nothing satisfies my soul like a clean house)
In the past 21 days I have been in the hospital, spent three days laid up on the sofa, got a clean bill of health, flew to Las Vegas, missed two days of work for vacation, missed two half days due to illness and spent 3 days at various conferences, kicked off my mentoring program for the year, got a really bad cold, couldn't run for three days because of rain/the evil cold, and found myself increasingly behind on just about every task I wanted to do from work to home. (wow, run on sentences much?)
Add to that, more friends are announcing pregnanciesand touting the fact that it happened almost instantly. I am thrilled to death for each of them. I am sad for myself, it isn't working out that way for me. I spent a good 30 minutes talking to my best friend last night, she's due in March. She is so incredibly wonderful. From the words of encouragement to the laughs about our men and what they don't understand about the female anatomy. I hung up the phone feeling encouraged and loved and warm to the core.
Then I checked facebook and ANOTHER friend announced her second pregnancy. She's due on her daughter's second birthday.
(aughghaghagahghg)
I'm in a tough spot. I love my life, I love my family and my friends and most of all my husband and the life we've created together. I know that good things will come to us in God's perfect timing. But I can't help but feel envious. I can't help but think, if we had only started trying sooner. Deep down, I know talk like that won't help me feel better or get my over the mountain of wait and hope any faster. But it doesn't stop the thoughts from coming from time to time.
I just keep hoping and praying and focusing on today. Most of the time, that is enough. And then there are times when it just isn't. Like the past two days. It has done nothing but rain, my cold was coming to a head and I felt myself sinking lower and lower into that damn funk. I accomplished nothing other then catching up on DVR'd TV, ironing my clothes and making a good dinner for my husband. Everything else went to crap.
Today, instead of letting the funk win, I'm going to focus on digging myself out.
Lots of checks on the to do list, lost of positive thinking and lots of planning for a nice weekend.
That's all I can do. Live for today, live for the moment. Hope for the best.
(oh and Margaritaville on the XM radio today)
(and cold wine in the fridge when I get home)
(and plans to clean the house tomorrow, nothing satisfies my soul like a clean house)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I Got Nothing...
It's the truth. I got nothing. Nothing to say, nothing to report on, nothing to discuss.
I'm sort of in a funk. I've reached a place where I don't really want to do anything. Okay, anything other then sit on my sofa and watch Biggest Loser. Pathetic huh?
My main concerns right now are absolutely pathetic. Like this one: Today is supposed to be a rest day for me. My latest workout schedule includes two rest days, Tuesday (Mentoring Night) and Saturday (Clean All The Things Day). Tomorrow I am supposed to run. Tomorrow it is supposed to rain. So, should I run tonight? Rest tomorrow? Won't that screw up my schedule?
Honestly! Why am I even worried about that. I should run if I feel like running, I should take a day of rest if I feel like resting. I have alternative plans for my Wednesday workout.
Obviously, I am not rolling with the punches very well today, am I?
How about this one: If I get pregnant this month, my baby will be due in July. Will I be damning my child to life time of no class parties in school? Does it matter? NOOO
Again, why am I worried about this?
Because I'm ruminating and fixating. That's why.
I am so type A that I can't see past the schedules I set for myself. Even I am shaking my head as I type this.
My desk at work is atrocious. To my left is a pile of invoices and I-9s to be processed and a pile of pens I somehow acquired, a 1/4 full water bottle, a opened can of diet pepsi and my coffee mug. To my right, my agenda is buried under a stack of applications and checked to be mailed with an invoice that may or may not be on the pile to my left. Further to my right, my blotter is stacked high with more invoiced to process, a list of available rental properties..... oh and the invoice I need for that check. Behind me, a monster stack of papers needs for one of three projects I am literally ignoring. I'm playing the "out of site, out of mind" game with them.
FOR EFF WORDS SAKE..... WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?
Yeah, I'm in a funk. A funk with curse words.
GO ME.
Alright, I am going to go kick my own ass. See you tomorrow.
Maybe.
I'm sort of in a funk. I've reached a place where I don't really want to do anything. Okay, anything other then sit on my sofa and watch Biggest Loser. Pathetic huh?
My main concerns right now are absolutely pathetic. Like this one: Today is supposed to be a rest day for me. My latest workout schedule includes two rest days, Tuesday (Mentoring Night) and Saturday (Clean All The Things Day). Tomorrow I am supposed to run. Tomorrow it is supposed to rain. So, should I run tonight? Rest tomorrow? Won't that screw up my schedule?
Honestly! Why am I even worried about that. I should run if I feel like running, I should take a day of rest if I feel like resting. I have alternative plans for my Wednesday workout.
Obviously, I am not rolling with the punches very well today, am I?
How about this one: If I get pregnant this month, my baby will be due in July. Will I be damning my child to life time of no class parties in school? Does it matter? NOOO
Again, why am I worried about this?
Because I'm ruminating and fixating. That's why.
I am so type A that I can't see past the schedules I set for myself. Even I am shaking my head as I type this.
My desk at work is atrocious. To my left is a pile of invoices and I-9s to be processed and a pile of pens I somehow acquired, a 1/4 full water bottle, a opened can of diet pepsi and my coffee mug. To my right, my agenda is buried under a stack of applications and checked to be mailed with an invoice that may or may not be on the pile to my left. Further to my right, my blotter is stacked high with more invoiced to process, a list of available rental properties..... oh and the invoice I need for that check. Behind me, a monster stack of papers needs for one of three projects I am literally ignoring. I'm playing the "out of site, out of mind" game with them.
FOR EFF WORDS SAKE..... WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?
Yeah, I'm in a funk. A funk with curse words.
GO ME.
Alright, I am going to go kick my own ass. See you tomorrow.
Maybe.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Today I Will....
September was a whirlwind wasn't it? My goodness, it seems like I blinked and it was over with. Although, with the amount of stuff that happened in September, it must have been a pretty long blink.
I know I went off the grid last week. So, for a quick recap:
My cyst turned out to be just a cyst. It sucked that it hurt so much but it did prove that I had ovulated. Yay right ovary.... you did your job after a 10 year nap (okay, I'm the only one that's excited about that).
I did make it to Vegas for my cousin's wedding. I was thrilled to be there, my body was not. Vegas after a physical break isn't a smart move, but it was well worth it. I had a lot of fun, my mama's family is still crazy and all in all we had an absolutle blast.
Vegas brought me a present too. My "." For real this time.
I'm really hoping my body figured out what its supposed to be doing soon. Ovulating and then getting my period seven days later isn't exactly what's supposed to happen. With any luck, it's just struggling to get the routine down. It knows the steps, it just needs to find the rythmn.
We are into my second month of my Turning 30 Bucket List:
Here's where we stand
Professional
Complete Job Descriptions for Key Areas of Family Owned Inc.
Complete a Successful Year at Mentoring Program.
Health and Fitness
Run a 5K- Even if it's just around my neighboorhood I was doing well at this until my "set back" I will get back in the swing of things on Wednesday
Explore the new walking path at the park near my house
Continue to Workout 3-5 Days a Week I'm hitting the work out train again tonight after a week and two days off
In the Kitchen
Make a Thanksgiving Style Turkey Dinner (since I don't actually cook anything at real Thanksgiving)
Make a Brisket Dinner (this is a lot coming from a girl that doesn't eat beef) I found a recipe to make for Christmas Eve
Make Homemade Dinner Rolls
Leisure Time
Read 12 Books (a book a month) Three Down Nine to Go
Travel
Plan an Overnight Get Away for Mr. Berg and Me
Visit the Philadelphia Zoo
Visit the Baltimore Aquarium
Personal
Make a Baby
Go Wine Tasting (The VA Wine Festival that I attend every year, without fail, does not count)
As for everything else...
I'm trying to get myself to a place where I can just enjoy the now. I'm always looking forward to the next big thing and the next big place and the next great adventure. The here and now, that's what counts. I need to enjoy it, I just need to embrace it.
And I need to stop eating peanut butter pretzels, for real.
I know I went off the grid last week. So, for a quick recap:
My cyst turned out to be just a cyst. It sucked that it hurt so much but it did prove that I had ovulated. Yay right ovary.... you did your job after a 10 year nap (okay, I'm the only one that's excited about that).
I did make it to Vegas for my cousin's wedding. I was thrilled to be there, my body was not. Vegas after a physical break isn't a smart move, but it was well worth it. I had a lot of fun, my mama's family is still crazy and all in all we had an absolutle blast.
Vegas brought me a present too. My "." For real this time.
I'm really hoping my body figured out what its supposed to be doing soon. Ovulating and then getting my period seven days later isn't exactly what's supposed to happen. With any luck, it's just struggling to get the routine down. It knows the steps, it just needs to find the rythmn.
We are into my second month of my Turning 30 Bucket List:
Here's where we stand
Professional
Complete Job Descriptions for Key Areas of Family Owned Inc.
Complete a Successful Year at Mentoring Program.
Health and Fitness
Run a 5K- Even if it's just around my neighboorhood I was doing well at this until my "set back" I will get back in the swing of things on Wednesday
Explore the new walking path at the park near my house
Continue to Workout 3-5 Days a Week I'm hitting the work out train again tonight after a week and two days off
In the Kitchen
Make a Thanksgiving Style Turkey Dinner (since I don't actually cook anything at real Thanksgiving)
Make a Brisket Dinner (this is a lot coming from a girl that doesn't eat beef) I found a recipe to make for Christmas Eve
Make Homemade Dinner Rolls
Leisure Time
Read 12 Books (a book a month) Three Down Nine to Go
Travel
Plan an Overnight Get Away for Mr. Berg and Me
Visit the Philadelphia Zoo
Visit the Baltimore Aquarium
Personal
Make a Baby
Go Wine Tasting (The VA Wine Festival that I attend every year, without fail, does not count)
As for everything else...
I'm trying to get myself to a place where I can just enjoy the now. I'm always looking forward to the next big thing and the next big place and the next great adventure. The here and now, that's what counts. I need to enjoy it, I just need to embrace it.
And I need to stop eating peanut butter pretzels, for real.
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