The Nose That Smells Everything

And 9 times out of 10, it ain't pretty.

Salad dressing is my new enemy.... its not just limited to ranch anymore. Poor Mr. Berg tried to take pity on my dog nosed self and switch up his dressing choice last night. Poppy Seed..... it was a no go.


This morning may have taken the cake. There I was just minding my own business, sitting at a table waiting for my conference to start, praising myself for looking so nice with my black sweater, and my cute Lilly Pulitzer Coffee Tumbler. The conference starts, everyone in the room is quiet a church mice, listening intently to the speaker, taking notes, when in came the idiot that smelled like pot.

Of course he decided sitting next to me is the best possible location in all the room to sit.  I mean I know I'm cute and all, my smile is incredibly charming and I always share my extra pens. But seriously, there are 10 tables to pick from, I'm sitting in the middle row, in the middle seat. There are like 30 open spaces behind me. What gives? (CUE THE SIDE EYE FROM J-BERG) 

Not to mention: we are in a  Healthcare Reform Conference . WTF. Why on earth would you come to a conference full of HR Professionals, Attorneys and Business Professionals smelling like you just came rolling out of a Howard and Kumar movie set? FOR REAL!

The Icing the Cake.... I valet parked my car this morning..... because it was free and I'm lazy.
The valet that returned my car to me..... oh I gag just thinking about it...... cheap ass, dollar store, on sale at that, cologne.

Talk about windows down, system up! There I went rolling down Center City of Small Town USA in my SUV, Cosmo Radio blarring and it's like 34 degrees outside.

My rapper name? Dog Nose J-Berg!


My poor child, four weeks and one day into this journey and he/she has already been exposed to pot, cheap cologne and frigid temps. I bet she/he is just floating around in there thinking "wow, I picked a real winner didn't I?"

Sorry Baby Berg, how can Mama make it up to you.... grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch? You got it!