True Confessions

Forgive me Blogger, it's been.... well, a very long time since I've confessed my sins on the interwebs.



So, on this very raining Tuesday, I confess.....

• I've been obsessed with salads for lunch lately. This is an obsession I hope holds up for the foreseeable future. Today's salad was chicken marinaded in greek yogurt, lemon, garlic, cilantro and oregano on top of baby spinach and kale with pear slices, goat cheese, spiced walnuts and champagne vinaigrette.  It was delicious. I could have eaten it twice in one sitting
  
• I'm slowing sipping a Diet Pepsi... I've been pretty anti soda since I discovered Advocare and Spark a few years back. But every now and again, a cold Diet Pepsi is amazing!
  
• I cracked one of the lenses on my glasses a few months back. It started as the tiniest of cracks, I figured I could get by until my eye doctor apt in December. Well, the crack is growing and it's somewhat noticeable when I wear my glasses. As pathetic as it seems, I'm refusing to call my eye doctor about it. Here are my reasons:
• My vision insurance won't cover me until December
• I need new glasses anyway but it's not worth just replacing the lenses
• I'm pretty vain and don't wear my glasses outside of the house that often anyway
• This would typically be an issue where'd I'd just use my flexible spending money, unfortunately, I need all that money for pregnancy related expenses
• My Rx is going to need to be upped in December most likely. Why spend money now, to spend it again
• ALL OF THESE EXCUSES ARE PATHETIC
  
• I scheduled a mani/pedi for two weeks prior to Baby Boy's arrival. That child best not be early, I will be so mad if I have to miss it.
  
• I've become obsessed with hoarding pre-made meals in my freezer. I made three meals to freeze on Friday and another one last night. I have a running list of things to create and throw in before Baby Boy arrives. Mr. Berg is becoming concerned but he's too smart to say anything.
  
• I have zero maternity leave plans in place for work, again, Baby Boy take your time.
  
• I consider it a win when I don't wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night..... I haven't had a winning night in weeks
  
• I've developed a serious case of ADD at work. I just cannot sit still, cannot focus on one task at a time, cannot do anything with any rhythm or reason.

Perspective

My In-Laws were in town this past weekend. To say my relationship with them is strained would probably be the understatement of the year. However, if I take a step back and look at our relationship from a wide angle, my relationship with them is no different then their relationship with my husband or the family members I have seen them interact with.

My in-laws live in a very small world. They don't live near family. They don't have large circles of friends that they interact with and they aren't very close to each other. It's a bit of a pathetic, yet true statement when I say, one of them could die in the house and the other wouldn't know for several days. They are just... different.

In the past their visits have left me feeling angry and annoyed. They come, they boss, they made rude comments and they leave. When they aren't bossing or saying rude things, they ignore me completely. It's tough stuff and it often leaves Mr. Berg and I feeling tense and strained. For whatever reason, this past weekend, left me feeling sorry for them and grateful for me. I'm not sure where the change of perspective came from, but it's certainly a different feeling then before.

Mostly, I'm sad for them:

They don't have a marriage that most would strive for.

Their relationship with their son is stunted. They stopped being involved the day he left for college. They stopped being interested the day he graduated. Even today, I'm not sure they could really explain what he does for a living or what his motivations are. They don't have any understanding of what his interests are or what his life generally looks like. Partially because they can't relate to it (which is another story for another time) and partly because it never occurred to them to ask, 

Their lives center very much around themselves and their interests. They can talk for days about what books they're reading or what self taught courses they are taking. They can talk about the stock market or what they read in the news. Their conversations with my husband revolve around what is happening at his former school or our college- all information gained from annual publications we also read. When they visit, they often tell us about the "new Target" or the City Center being built in their town, the same stories we heard 6, 12, 24 months ago.

They don't know very much about me, and it's not because I don't tell them.
When they visit they ask about my brother, sometimes about my parents.
They might ask me about my job, but in a "what do you go again?" sense, they couldn't care less about the specifics.

They have no idea I made partner, no idea how many people we employ, no idea that sometimes I can't sleep at night because I worry about the benefit and well being of not only my family sleeping under my own roof, but the families of the 160 people who work for me.

They've never even considered what that might mean to someone.

They don't know my Pop-Pop passed away in December or the extra medical care I have to receive to ensure their second grandson makes it into this world safely. Honestly, I'm not sure they are even aware of my due date.

They don't know Ryan's favorite color or that he loves school or things the movie Monster's Inc. is the bees knees. 

They keep talking about when we build our next house but they have no idea we had to liquidate 75% our savings account to invest in my company.

They don't know because they don't ask any it's not even worth telling them because they won't really be listening anyway.

If anything, when they pulled out of our driveway on Sunday evening, I felt nothing but relief mixed with gratitude. Relief it would be (hopefully) months until we saw them again. Gratitude that my life and my world is so much large then their. Gratitude that I understand what is doing on in the world around me and they there is so much more to life then just what happens in my front yard.

And I'm sad. Sad because my little family is left feeling strained after their visits, instead of happy. Sad because it shouldn't have to be that way. Sad, because I my relationship with my parents so much more then I could ever explain. I wish Mr. Berg could feel the same way about his. 

33 Week Update.....

How far along are you:  33 weeks.... I am so not prepared for this!

Fruit/ Veggie: Baby Boy is the size of a durian fruit.... I had no idea what that was when I was pregnant with Ryan. I still have no idea what it is now.

The Bump: It's past my boobs, which is remarkable feat if you ask me. (huge boobs for life!)

Gender: Still a boy... Still nameless, still without a finished room or clean clothing.

Stretch Marks: I still don't know how I don't have any new ones yet.

Sleep: The insomnia hasn't been as bad this week which I am thankful for. I'm still waking up between 1-2am for a bathroom run, but I've been able to get back to sleep, thankfully.

Cravings: Still water and iced tea and every now and again an ice cold diet pepsi. 

What Makes Me Wanna Gag: Nothing particularly interesting right now. An empty stomach is still my worst enemy but lately, I haven't had that problem :)

Exercise: I miss it, I really do.
I'm looking into options for when I get my 6 week release after having baby.
It helps that our basement has been redone and I'm actually excited to use the space for workouts and playing with the boys.

Mood: By 7pm, I have zero patience for anyone or anything. This is particularly tough for Ryan, who by 7pm, lacks the ability to do anything quickly or make a decision regarding socks or pajamas within 40 minutes.
This should also make it interesting for my in-laws who are visiting this weekend.

Movement: Pretty much all the time, which is great. Except, he wants to throw a major dance party every evening around 9pm. 9pm is bed time for me, kid.

Favorite thing this week: The office is now in the basement and it's organized and usable, which is amazing. There is baby furniture in the Little Man's room. Also, amazing!

Excited For: Getting Little Man's room ready for him. This won't happen for a few more weeks based on scheduling and Mr. Berg's upcoming insurance exam, however, should he decide to come tomorrow, we could certainly pull something together at the last minute.

As of yesterday I have every baby appointment scheduled up until Little Man's due date. This probably makes me OCD, but with the way our family's schedules are going lately, we need all the help we can get.
Our doctor's appointment yesterday was uneventful as usual. We discovered that my blood pressure and my weight gain are exactly the same when I was pregnant with Ryan this time. And because we were due for a miracle, I didn't gain any weight in the past two weeks. AMEN!

Looks like all those salads are paying off...... In all realness, I just haven't been very hungry lately. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that much like his brother, Little Man is still high and tight up there. Thus, no room for the food.

While we are once again planning for a vaginal birth for Little Man, there are a few health issues that may or may not prevent that from happening. Thus, the decision was made yesterday that should we need to move forward with a c-section, for whatever reason, I will also have tubal done. Mr. Berg and I aren't planning for a zone defense when it comes to parenting. We'll stick to man to man :)

Mr. Berg and I also took our local hospital's safe baby course last night. We had taken it when we were pregnant with Ryan and decided it couldn't hurt to have a little refresher. The class was once again very good. We enjoyed this instructor so much more then the previous instructor and the updated materials were great too.

It's nice to have so many decisions made for moving forward.
I'm getting really excited! But please, Little Man, take your time. 

Some Waddle, I Hobble

When I was pregnant with Ryan I prided myself on my ability to walk instead of waddle right up until I had him....  8 days overdue mind you. 

This time around, with a quickly as I grew, I figured I'd waddle sooner or later.

What I didn't anticipate? The hobble.



Three nights in a row I have woken up to a charlie horse in my left calf. Nothing sucks worse then being woken from a sound sleep discover your leg falling off. Okay, okay, it's really just a really intense cramp, but still. Ouch!

Thankfully, I have been able to quickly stand up and the pain and cramping dissipates and I fall back to sleep pretty quickly.... until.... I wake up for the day and my calf feels bruised. 

Today is by far the worst. I feel like my muscle is still cramped up in a tight ball. Walking on it helps a little bit, but it takes awhile for it to loosen up. Then as soon as I sit down, I have to start all over again.

Adding insult to injury, my right hip is killing me. I'm not sure if it's from all the standing I did yesterday or if Baby Boy is hanging out on that side, but regardless, so much pain.


So, therefore, I am stuck hobbling.


A motorized chair is sounding better and better every day.



 Everyday I'm hobbling......

We Have A Baby Room...... (kinda)

Want to talk about a whirlwind weekend?


Friday morning my house still looked exactly how it has looked for the past 2 years. The master bedroom was the master bedroom, Ryan's room was still Ryan's room and the third bedroom was still an office and it still looked like an atomic boom hit it. Literally, there was a path from the door to the office chair and another path from the chair to the closet. Every square inch of space otherwise, was filled with newspapers, tubs of Ryan's school stuff, Mr. Berg's insurance text books, vacation photos, just about anything and everything was in there.

Friday night Mr. Berg came home from work and started the clearing out process. By dinner time, semi distinct piles were beginning to take shape. There was even a trash bag, which actually items declared trash in it. (This, in and of itself was a huge deal). Of course, a small boy decided he needed to help, by crawling all over everything and dragging things out faster then we could put them away. But, with toddlers, it is par for the course.

I went to bed Friday night convinced that the progress I had witnessed before dinner would be the progress for the weekend. I started mentally preparing to park in the driveway, as my garage space would be over taken by baby furniture before the weekend was over. Thus, I was absolutely shocked Saturday morning when I woke up to an office that had a clean floor and was stripped down to it's bare bones.

I think Mr. Berg hired elves... that is the only way that could have happened.

By Saturday night the office furniture was thrown into the basement and the new bedroom furniture for Baby Boy Number 2 was in his room. And because we hadn't run out of miracles by Saturday night, Mr. Berg had the office set up and organized in the basement by Sunday afternoon. Thus, the only thing we have to worry about now is actually setting up the new room. Does it matter that we probably won't get to that until May? That's a whole new battle.... 

Regardless, there's a level of stress that went away when the office became the new baby's room. It's like a little bit of assurance that some how, some way, despite our business, we are heading in the right direction, ready or not.

Somewhere in there we also had Easter, did a million loads of laundry, went to tumbling and soccer, did an up do test run for my brother's wedding (disaster, by the way), and prepped meals for this week, packed lunches and organized the house.

Now somebody go get Mr. Berg some Advil..... I'm surprised the poor man is still standing. 

32 Week Update

How far along are you:  32 weeks. This shit is getting real.....

Fruit/ Veggie: Baby Boy is the size of a jicama- and is roughly 3.75 pounds, give or take. I'm willing to bet he's smaller then that based on how he's measuring.

The Bump: There is no denying it's there, that's for certain. Most of the day it doesn't give me much trouble but by the end of the end my ribs and my pelvis hurt.

Gender: Still a boy... and if one more person tells me about a friend of a friend who's baby gender was wrong, I will punch them. We saw the parts people! There is no denying it. 

Stretch Marks: Still nothing new and I am in shock. 

Sleep: Pregnancy insomnia is a bitch. I did not have it with Ryan, I have it full blown this time and it sucks. If I wake up to pee in the middle of the night, I'm typically done for. Wide awake just hanging out in the bed trying to coax myself back to sleep.

Cravings: Water, Iced Tea.... Mini Cadbury Chocolate Eggs. I will be so glad when Easter is over.

What Makes Me Wanna Gag: Generic Ham and Cheese Sandwiches, apparently. 

Exercise: Moving my body is enough exercise for now.

Mood: Overall pretty good, I just have very, very little patience with is frustrating not only for me but those around me, I'm sure. 

Movement: This kid, he never stops.

Favorite thing this week: I bought a construction company. Maybe it's not my favorite thing, but it was certainly the biggest thing that happened this week to my family and I.
Sure, my stock amount basically means I bought the toilets, percentage wise, but still, I own it out right. 

Excited For: Nursery furniture arrives on Saturday afternoon.
Where it is going precisely, remains to be seen. 

With 9 Weeks to Go....

With 9 weeks to go, I'm realistically aware of how crazy my life is about to become, but far enough away from it yet to still feel like I can manage it all.

That's going to change, probably faster then I realize, but none the less. I can sit here at my desk, sip on my water and quietly smile as I put my financial plan together for while I'm off on maternity leave.

With 9 weeks to go, I have the following to deal with:

Setting Up the New Baby's Room
I'm over the word nursery. It's his room, let's just call it that.

Right now, there are about 400 things just sitting in the baby's room that belong to my husband. As they should, it's currently his office. The room as been the "crap room" for years. I'm not even sure how long the archaeological dig that needs to take place in there should take, but I will tell it needs to be done by Friday.

Baby Boy's furniture has arrived. It's time to put his room together. So Saturday, weather pending, we're picking up the furniture and starting the basic room set up.

Baby Clothes, Oh Baby Clothes, Where the Heck Are You?
Because we are so good at organizing things..... I have absolutely no idea where our bags of baby clothes are. I need to locate the clothes, wash them and put them into the appropriate drawers.

Sleep, A lot.
My platelet count is low as evidence by the super dark bruises on my body and my never ending nose bleeds. There is nothing medically that can be done. Thus I must eat all the iron rich foods and get a lot of sleep. HA! I have a toddler, a crazy hours working husband and a neighbor that enjoys revving his engine at 5:00am every,single,bloody,morning, Yeah, no sleep for me.

Make Freezer Meals
Yeah.... about that.....
I have a huge list and absolutely nothing accomplished on said list. So, I'm trying to double up meals I have on my list each week. One for dinner that week and one to go into the freezer. So far, I've done this zero times :)
Pray for me.

Read Ryan the Big Brother Books
This also means I should research Big Brother books, buy Big Brother books and then bring them home to you know..... Read Ryan books about becoming a big brother

Schedule Some Pedicures
Because I have so much time for that....

Deep Clean My House
Maybe next Friday? It's driving me crazy how not clean my house is right now.
Yes, I clean weekly and my cleaning crew comes in once a month, but I haven't done a super deep Jessica style clean in a long time. It's about to get real!

Bring In My Outdoor Winter Decor
Before you start judging, you should know, it snowed here on Saturday morning. Snowman Decor isn't outside of the realm of possibility.

Find Baby Gear
I haven't a clue where out bouncer, swing, rock n play, etc. are.
Possibly the storage unit? All will need cleaned and wiped down before Baby Boy even thinks about using them.
Oh and the play mat and the baby toys.... Crap, where is that stuff?

Clearly, the first thing on this list should be:

Get My Act Together......