Last night our favorite television shows were on rerun. So we turned to the trusty DVR to see what was in store for us. Unfortunately, not much.
Mr. Berg had DVR'd a lovely show about gold mining in Alaska. He assured me it would be similar to another show we often watch about crab fishing in Alaska. I rolled my eyes and settled in for what I assumed would be a mildly entertaining experience.
Not so much.
This show was gold mining meets Sanford and Son. I can only describe the show as this: Men with limited to no intelligence, attempting to to float homemade boats and barges in the sea. From these boats and barges, they dive into the water and suck dirt off the ocean floor using a strange vacuum like contraption. And then they wash and filter the dirt (a more advance process then what I described) in hopes of finding gold.
I spent more time hoping these people wouldn't drown..... or maybe I was?
Anyway, I went to bed early.
Which ended up being a poor choice.
I slept well last night but had a ton of crazy dreams. In one dream, Mr. Berg asked me to hand him something and I did. Shortly there after I woke up and realized I had actually tried to hand Mr. Berg something and I was smacking him in his sleep. Thankfully, he never woke up and was none the wiser. I did apologize this morning, just to be safe.
I was able to get back to sleep after the husband whacking incident, only to have another dream. In this dream, I was in college and I was spending time with an old "sleep over buddy" if you catch my drift.
It was just as terrible in my dream as it was in real life.
I totally give up.
This morning I woke up fine, got ready for my day, had a quick breakfast and was out the door. I arrived at work with a typical morning case of what I like to call "the blahs." Ever since I found out I was pregnant my mornings have gone in this typical direction, I eat breakfast and 15 minutes later I feel kind of crappy. It lasts for about 20-30 minutes and then all is well.
Today as I was enjoying my morning mint tea and my blogs, I felt the sudden urge to purge. I fought back the sensation and high tailed it to the bathroom. NOTHING.
I felt better so I returned to my desk only to toss the contents of my stomach into my trash can 10 minutes later.
I have no idea where that came from.
While I still don't feel great, I have since kept down animal crackers and ice water.
Random pregnant thing or stomach virus? Only time will tell.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Weekly Survey- That I Haven't Done in About a Month
How far along? 17 weeks,1 Day. Baby is the size of an onion
Symptoms: Headaches, sore hips- mostly on the right side, I don't have the stamina I once thought I had.
Total weight gain/loss: According to the doctor's scale, about 7.5 pounds
Maternity clothes? Pants, always. A few shirts here and there.
Sleep: Still having crazy dreams but sleeping very soundly.
Best moment this week: Shopping with Mom, seeing the heartbeat on the ultrasound during the big scare of 2012.
Movement: Off and on, but not consistently.
Food cravings: Still not hugely into sweets. Loving savory foods, cold water, ice tea and cheese.
Gender: My money is still on boy. Nearly everyone agrees.
Labor Signs: None, thankyouverymuch
Belly Button in or out? In but looking weird.
What I miss: Wine, Spicy Tuna Rolls... sushi in general, sleeping without a pillow between my legs, not being cold all the time.
What I am looking forward to: I am dying to find out for sure that we have a little man in there or a baby girl.
Weekly Wisdom: When in doubt, call the doctor.
Milestones: I bought a wipe warmer at Homegoods, does that count?
Symptoms: Headaches, sore hips- mostly on the right side, I don't have the stamina I once thought I had.
Total weight gain/loss: According to the doctor's scale, about 7.5 pounds
Maternity clothes? Pants, always. A few shirts here and there.
Sleep: Still having crazy dreams but sleeping very soundly.
Best moment this week: Shopping with Mom, seeing the heartbeat on the ultrasound during the big scare of 2012.
Movement: Off and on, but not consistently.
Food cravings: Still not hugely into sweets. Loving savory foods, cold water, ice tea and cheese.
Gender: My money is still on boy. Nearly everyone agrees.
Labor Signs: None, thankyouverymuch
Belly Button in or out? In but looking weird.
What I miss: Wine, Spicy Tuna Rolls... sushi in general, sleeping without a pillow between my legs, not being cold all the time.
What I am looking forward to: I am dying to find out for sure that we have a little man in there or a baby girl.
Weekly Wisdom: When in doubt, call the doctor.
Milestones: I bought a wipe warmer at Homegoods, does that count?
The Thing That Happened in the Bathroom
I will need therapy to get over this one, that's for sure.
Sunday Mr. Berg took me to see a movie. I wore a new pair of maternity jeans and felt like I looked pretty darn cute. From my sweater, to my jeans to my favorite brown Ugg boots, I felt every bit the part of a cute pregnant person.
Until.......
After the movie, I made a quick pit stop to the ladies room. I briefly glanced at a woman washing her hands as I darted into the stall. Shortly there after, I reappeared and went the sink bay to wash my hands. That's when I noticed the same lady I saw before still standing there.
I made eye contact through the mirror and smiled.
"I really like your jeans." she said
"Oh thank you" I replied as I squirted soap onto my hands
"Where did you find them, they are really cute?"
"Oh, Old Navy, a couple of months go."
"They are really nice, do you remember the style?"
"You know what, I don't. It's been a couple of months, but they are maternity jeans so there can't be that much of a selection."
At this point I was awaiting the following answer:
A. Thank you
B. Wow, you look great.
C. Wow, you don't even look pregnant (wishful thinking of my part, I know)
D. My daughter/sister/friend/neighbor/co-worker is pregnant. I'll have to tell her where you found such cute jeans
Instead, I heard:
"Well, whatever works. You know us bigger girls, we have to stick together."
I immediately regretted my Sour Patch Kids and Small Root Beer.
Sunday Mr. Berg took me to see a movie. I wore a new pair of maternity jeans and felt like I looked pretty darn cute. From my sweater, to my jeans to my favorite brown Ugg boots, I felt every bit the part of a cute pregnant person.
Until.......
After the movie, I made a quick pit stop to the ladies room. I briefly glanced at a woman washing her hands as I darted into the stall. Shortly there after, I reappeared and went the sink bay to wash my hands. That's when I noticed the same lady I saw before still standing there.
I made eye contact through the mirror and smiled.
"I really like your jeans." she said
"Oh thank you" I replied as I squirted soap onto my hands
"Where did you find them, they are really cute?"
"Oh, Old Navy, a couple of months go."
"They are really nice, do you remember the style?"
"You know what, I don't. It's been a couple of months, but they are maternity jeans so there can't be that much of a selection."
At this point I was awaiting the following answer:
A. Thank you
B. Wow, you look great.
C. Wow, you don't even look pregnant (wishful thinking of my part, I know)
D. My daughter/sister/friend/neighbor/co-worker is pregnant. I'll have to tell her where you found such cute jeans
Instead, I heard:
"Well, whatever works. You know us bigger girls, we have to stick together."
I immediately regretted my Sour Patch Kids and Small Root Beer.
17 Week Letter
Dear Baby Berg-
Happy 17 weeks, how are things in there? From what I've read, you're starting to fatten up and grow so bones. How awesome is that? We'll have to remember to give you extra milk for those growing bones.
On Wednesday we had quite the scare didn't we? While we still don't know what caused Mama to bleed, we do know that you're healthy, happy and safe in there. From what we could see, the bleeding came from outside of your environment. You were none the wiser and probably slightly annoyed that we kept prodding you with the ultrasound wand. Mama is just happy you're okay. However, we can all agree, having an extra seek peek of you was pretty cool too.
Everyone that has seen your pictures says you're a boy. I have bet the farm you're a boy too. In about four or five more weeks, we'll know for sure. We can't wait!
Aside from the emergency trip to the doctor's office on Wednesday, it has been a pretty low key sort of week. We took you to the movies on Sunday, we entertained a couple of friends Friday and Saturday and to help ease Daddy's mind we scoured warehouse stores in search of deals on diapers and formula. Trust me, we'll be doing a lot of this in the upcoming months.
This weekend we're going on vacation to visit Auntie S and celebrate your future wife or best friend, Sofia. She'll be arriving in March. Hopefully, by the time you arrive, Auntie S will have it all figured out and you and I can just watch and learn.
I had a dream about you on Friday night. In the dream I had just given birth to you. You were a tiny baby boy with dark eyes and dark hair. (Odd seeing as your Daddy and I are total opposites) We named you Maxwell and you quickly turned into a kitten that looked like Bob. In the dream, this was totally normal. Although I have to admit I woke up rather perplexed.
Let's just hope the only hair you're born with is the hair on your head :)
We cannot wait for you to get here. Although, I continue to recommend taking your time. We don't have anywhere for you to sleep, only two onesies, a pair of pants and wipe warmer but no wipes. Oh, and two packs of new born diapers but from what I've read, you'll go through those pretty quick.
Daddy and I have some work to do.
We love you so very, very much.
No more major or minor freak outs okay?
Mama
Happy 17 weeks, how are things in there? From what I've read, you're starting to fatten up and grow so bones. How awesome is that? We'll have to remember to give you extra milk for those growing bones.
On Wednesday we had quite the scare didn't we? While we still don't know what caused Mama to bleed, we do know that you're healthy, happy and safe in there. From what we could see, the bleeding came from outside of your environment. You were none the wiser and probably slightly annoyed that we kept prodding you with the ultrasound wand. Mama is just happy you're okay. However, we can all agree, having an extra seek peek of you was pretty cool too.
Everyone that has seen your pictures says you're a boy. I have bet the farm you're a boy too. In about four or five more weeks, we'll know for sure. We can't wait!
Aside from the emergency trip to the doctor's office on Wednesday, it has been a pretty low key sort of week. We took you to the movies on Sunday, we entertained a couple of friends Friday and Saturday and to help ease Daddy's mind we scoured warehouse stores in search of deals on diapers and formula. Trust me, we'll be doing a lot of this in the upcoming months.
This weekend we're going on vacation to visit Auntie S and celebrate your future wife or best friend, Sofia. She'll be arriving in March. Hopefully, by the time you arrive, Auntie S will have it all figured out and you and I can just watch and learn.
I had a dream about you on Friday night. In the dream I had just given birth to you. You were a tiny baby boy with dark eyes and dark hair. (Odd seeing as your Daddy and I are total opposites) We named you Maxwell and you quickly turned into a kitten that looked like Bob. In the dream, this was totally normal. Although I have to admit I woke up rather perplexed.
Let's just hope the only hair you're born with is the hair on your head :)
We cannot wait for you to get here. Although, I continue to recommend taking your time. We don't have anywhere for you to sleep, only two onesies, a pair of pants and wipe warmer but no wipes. Oh, and two packs of new born diapers but from what I've read, you'll go through those pretty quick.
Daddy and I have some work to do.
We love you so very, very much.
No more major or minor freak outs okay?
Mama
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I Never Liked Blood Anyway
Yesterday was a typical day. I woke up on time, got ready for work, made the bed, fed the cats, had breakfast, drove to the office, sat through meetings, taught Junior Achievement at the local middle school, ate lunch, crossed things off my to do list, the usual. I even managed to tap out a quick post about the silly things I'm afraid of.
It was a nice, typical day.
Until 3pm rolled around.
Around 3pm, I stood up from my desk for my 90th trip to the bathroom. As I stood up, I noticed a familiar gushing sensation for down below. I chalked it up to the typical pregnancy snail trail and headed to the loo.
I sat down, did my thing and went to wipe. Before I even saw the toilet paper, I knew something wasn't right. I could smell it. I stared the paper crumbled in my hand is disbelief. Blood, lots of blood.
I got fresh paper and wiped again, blood. More then the last wipe.
No, No, No, this is not happening.
I kept wiping and praying, wiping and praying. The blood kept coming. I looked at my underwear. Of all the days to pick black panties. They were soaked.
No, no, no, I cannot do this.
I took a deep breathe and got myself together. I knew I needed to call the doctor.
What's the emergency extension again? Do I call Mr. Berg first? Is my co-worker in our shared office space?
By the grace of God, my co-worker was gossiping in another person's office. My office my clear and quiet. I dialed the doctor's office with shaky hands and pressed 6 for the emergency extension.
A woman named Julie answered the line. I was immediately calmed by her voice. I explained who I was, that I was 16 weeks pregnant, had never had bleeding issues before and that I was suddenly exploding it everywhere.
"Oh dear." she sighed into the phone "That is not good."
Obviously, Julie, Obviously.
"Hold tight, I'm going to speak with a doctor and call you right back."
I whispered my office number to her and hung up.
The call to Mr. Berg went surprising well. He was calmer then I imagined him being. We decided to wait for the call back and he'd get on the road and meet me at the doctor's office when we knew what the plan was.
Within minutes of hanging up with me, Julie called back with instructions to head straight to ultrasound and a reassuring "It is probably nothing. It sounds like a burst blood vessel, but let's just double check."
My entire drive was filled with tears and prayer and mental lists of all the good things I could focus on.
I felt the baby move this morning. I had stomach issues yesterday, perhaps I irritated something? I've drank 100 ounces of water today, it's not dehydration. Our appointment on Thursday went awesome, we heard the heart beat. I haven't had a bad call yet regarding my blood work, I'd know by now if it was bad.
I checked my email on my phone, hoping to burn a few extra minutes for Mr. Berg to arrive. Before I left the office, I emailed E for prayers.
I pulled into my parking space at my doctor's office, across the road was the door to the ultrasound center. Only good things have happened here. Only good news has been given to you here.
I only had to wait a few minutes before the tech greated me from the hallway door. I followed her back, fighting tears and praying Mr. Berg would make it in time for the bad new news that ultimately would could, bleeding can't be good right?
She led me into the room where we first met Baby Berg. Good things have happened here. Good things will happen here today.
I laid back on the table and managed to laugh as my feet slipped on the chair as I pulled down my pants. This is my first entirely maternity outfit I've ever worn. Will I ever get to wear it again?
She began the scan by looking at the obvious places first. Cervix was long and strong, placenta looked healthy and full. No sign of bleeding, no tears, no sign of issue.
She moved onto the baby. She left the wand on my belly with a full vew of Baby Berg. I could make out the shape of the baby laying in my belly. Baby Berg was still, I couldn't see a heart beat. Should I be able to see a heart beat?
The tech sighed and tapped out noted on her computer, she hadn't noticed I was burning a hole into the screen with my laser focus.
The baby isn't moving. The baby isn't moving.
I held my breathed and waited, bracing myself for the bad news. When suddenly, a hiccup.
Baby Berg's chest rose and fall, the baby raised it's arms and stuck it's thumb in it's mouth.
Holy crap, my baby moved.
"Let's take so pictures of your wiggle worm, okay?" I smiled as tears stained my cheeks. My baby moves!
A few minutes and a knock on the door later, Mr. Berg appeared. Just in time for the tech to say "My goodness you have a healthy wiggle worm in there." Healthy, she said healthy.
All was well.
It was probably a broken blood vessel in my lady bits. There was no sign of issues in my uterus or near my cervix.
We were ushered out the door, clutching two pictures of our beautiful baby. Our baby with a heart beat in the 140s. Our baby who, after pretending to be a statue, never stopped moving for the rest of the exam.
Several hours later, we were cuddle up in bed when I finally admitted to Mr. Berg that today was pretty scary.
"I know, but it turned out okay. The baby is great. Your bleeding has slowed down a lot."
I know, but still, it was scary.
"Well, you never really liked blood anyway."
This is true.
I went to bed more thankful then I have ever been in my whole life. The three of us slept soundly through the night. We woke up to no blood, no cramps, and a now familiar "tap, tap, tap" from our very favorite wiggle worm.
Praise God.
It was a nice, typical day.
Until 3pm rolled around.
Around 3pm, I stood up from my desk for my 90th trip to the bathroom. As I stood up, I noticed a familiar gushing sensation for down below. I chalked it up to the typical pregnancy snail trail and headed to the loo.
I sat down, did my thing and went to wipe. Before I even saw the toilet paper, I knew something wasn't right. I could smell it. I stared the paper crumbled in my hand is disbelief. Blood, lots of blood.
I got fresh paper and wiped again, blood. More then the last wipe.
No, No, No, this is not happening.
I kept wiping and praying, wiping and praying. The blood kept coming. I looked at my underwear. Of all the days to pick black panties. They were soaked.
No, no, no, I cannot do this.
I took a deep breathe and got myself together. I knew I needed to call the doctor.
What's the emergency extension again? Do I call Mr. Berg first? Is my co-worker in our shared office space?
By the grace of God, my co-worker was gossiping in another person's office. My office my clear and quiet. I dialed the doctor's office with shaky hands and pressed 6 for the emergency extension.
A woman named Julie answered the line. I was immediately calmed by her voice. I explained who I was, that I was 16 weeks pregnant, had never had bleeding issues before and that I was suddenly exploding it everywhere.
"Oh dear." she sighed into the phone "That is not good."
Obviously, Julie, Obviously.
"Hold tight, I'm going to speak with a doctor and call you right back."
I whispered my office number to her and hung up.
The call to Mr. Berg went surprising well. He was calmer then I imagined him being. We decided to wait for the call back and he'd get on the road and meet me at the doctor's office when we knew what the plan was.
Within minutes of hanging up with me, Julie called back with instructions to head straight to ultrasound and a reassuring "It is probably nothing. It sounds like a burst blood vessel, but let's just double check."
My entire drive was filled with tears and prayer and mental lists of all the good things I could focus on.
I felt the baby move this morning. I had stomach issues yesterday, perhaps I irritated something? I've drank 100 ounces of water today, it's not dehydration. Our appointment on Thursday went awesome, we heard the heart beat. I haven't had a bad call yet regarding my blood work, I'd know by now if it was bad.
I checked my email on my phone, hoping to burn a few extra minutes for Mr. Berg to arrive. Before I left the office, I emailed E for prayers.
I pulled into my parking space at my doctor's office, across the road was the door to the ultrasound center. Only good things have happened here. Only good news has been given to you here.
I only had to wait a few minutes before the tech greated me from the hallway door. I followed her back, fighting tears and praying Mr. Berg would make it in time for the bad new news that ultimately would could, bleeding can't be good right?
She led me into the room where we first met Baby Berg. Good things have happened here. Good things will happen here today.
I laid back on the table and managed to laugh as my feet slipped on the chair as I pulled down my pants. This is my first entirely maternity outfit I've ever worn. Will I ever get to wear it again?
She began the scan by looking at the obvious places first. Cervix was long and strong, placenta looked healthy and full. No sign of bleeding, no tears, no sign of issue.
She moved onto the baby. She left the wand on my belly with a full vew of Baby Berg. I could make out the shape of the baby laying in my belly. Baby Berg was still, I couldn't see a heart beat. Should I be able to see a heart beat?
The tech sighed and tapped out noted on her computer, she hadn't noticed I was burning a hole into the screen with my laser focus.
The baby isn't moving. The baby isn't moving.
I held my breathed and waited, bracing myself for the bad news. When suddenly, a hiccup.
Baby Berg's chest rose and fall, the baby raised it's arms and stuck it's thumb in it's mouth.
Holy crap, my baby moved.
"Let's take so pictures of your wiggle worm, okay?" I smiled as tears stained my cheeks. My baby moves!
A few minutes and a knock on the door later, Mr. Berg appeared. Just in time for the tech to say "My goodness you have a healthy wiggle worm in there." Healthy, she said healthy.
All was well.
It was probably a broken blood vessel in my lady bits. There was no sign of issues in my uterus or near my cervix.
We were ushered out the door, clutching two pictures of our beautiful baby. Our baby with a heart beat in the 140s. Our baby who, after pretending to be a statue, never stopped moving for the rest of the exam.
Several hours later, we were cuddle up in bed when I finally admitted to Mr. Berg that today was pretty scary.
"I know, but it turned out okay. The baby is great. Your bleeding has slowed down a lot."
I know, but still, it was scary.
"Well, you never really liked blood anyway."
This is true.
I went to bed more thankful then I have ever been in my whole life. The three of us slept soundly through the night. We woke up to no blood, no cramps, and a now familiar "tap, tap, tap" from our very favorite wiggle worm.
Praise God.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Of All the Things to Worry About
I had my quad screen blood test on Saturday morning. For those of you that don't know, this is a blood test that screens for hormonal abnormalities in my blood that could indicate a risk for problems with the baby.
I should probably be worried about what the results are..... I am, but not as worried as I probably should be. I did think about it when I got home last night and checked our voicemail. Of which we had none. I did call home at lunch today to check the voicemail, again none. I'm taking it that no new is good news.
Instead, I worry about the following things pretty consistently.
- What color I will paint Baby Berg's Room?
- What happens if I earn the fat mommy sticker on my medical chart?
- Will I end up getting the fat mommy lecture at the doctor's office?(please note this did not stop me from consuming an entire bag of candy heart in 4 days {with the exception of the orange ones, those are gross})
- Will Mr. Berg spend the night with me in the hospital? I don't really want to be alone.
- What happens if Mr. Berg snores? I'll be in the hospital bed and he'll be on a pull out bed in the room. I'll kill him if he snores.
-What happens if Baby Berg comes out and the name we picked for him or her doesn't fit? I probably shouldn't monogram anything
- What if Mr. Berg really does hate the stroller I picked out?
- I'm already bored with my maternity clothes, now what?
I really should be worrying about how I'll pay for this child's education or how I'll manage my child and my career. I should worry about putting out for my husband and making healthy dinners.
Nope, still stuck on the Fat Sticker......
They never should have told me about that damn sticker.
I should probably be worried about what the results are..... I am, but not as worried as I probably should be. I did think about it when I got home last night and checked our voicemail. Of which we had none. I did call home at lunch today to check the voicemail, again none. I'm taking it that no new is good news.
Instead, I worry about the following things pretty consistently.
- What color I will paint Baby Berg's Room?
- What happens if I earn the fat mommy sticker on my medical chart?
- Will I end up getting the fat mommy lecture at the doctor's office?(please note this did not stop me from consuming an entire bag of candy heart in 4 days {with the exception of the orange ones, those are gross})
- Will Mr. Berg spend the night with me in the hospital? I don't really want to be alone.
- What happens if Mr. Berg snores? I'll be in the hospital bed and he'll be on a pull out bed in the room. I'll kill him if he snores.
-What happens if Baby Berg comes out and the name we picked for him or her doesn't fit? I probably shouldn't monogram anything
- What if Mr. Berg really does hate the stroller I picked out?
- I'm already bored with my maternity clothes, now what?
I really should be worrying about how I'll pay for this child's education or how I'll manage my child and my career. I should worry about putting out for my husband and making healthy dinners.
Nope, still stuck on the Fat Sticker......
They never should have told me about that damn sticker.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Week 16 Letter
Dear Baby Berg-
Friday is a day for the baby book. I made you and your Daddy barbecue pork chops, macaroni and cheese and baked beans for dinner. I took a few test bites before your Daddy got out of the shower and suddenly I felt a wee "tap, tap, tap" in my belly. I paused, sure it was muscle spasms, when it happened again and again. Wouldn't you know it, it was you. I'm hoping those taps were thank you and yum, yum taps. It warms your Mama's heart to know you have respect for your "southern" side.
And then......Mama woke up on Saturday and bam, there you were. Mama's belly has popped out, it is now obvious that you're in there. Thank you! You have no idea how annoying it is to walk around looking like you ate too much all the time.
However, with your presence is a problem. You see, I was getting along great with a few pairs of maternity pants. No so much anymore. The belly makes my shirts too short. Looks like someone better get her fanny to the store and buy some clothes :)
Baby Berg, it has been a very sad week around our household. First, I got in a huge fight with your Grandma. I know you my find it hard to believe now, but there will come a day with you fight with me. Mama's aren't always perfect, people in general aren't perfect. We all sometimes say things we shouldn't say and do not mean. We are hurtful and callous sometimes. I don't think I am any more right or wrong then your Grandma. We both were wrong.
I promise you, by the time you get here, all of that will be smoothed over. I don't like to fight with people. I don't like to hold grudges (most of the time). Your Grandma is by best friend.
On the heals on the big fight, came even worse and more heart breaking news. Your Auntie E has a very broken heart. As much as I hate to tell you this. One day, when you're big, you will fall in love. And as much as I hate to say it, as unfortunate as it is, you will one day have a a broken heart as a result of falling in love. It may be that the other person breaks it or you break it because you do or don't do the right thing. Regardless, it will hurt, it will hurt something fierce. And the worst part? No one can fix it. The only thing that fixes a broken heart is time.
But there are ways to help ease the pain and make yourself feel better. The first is to focus on yourself, to give yourself time to rest and process and be quiet. The second is to find comfort in your friends. A good friend will listen to you while you cry, a great friend will also offer hugs and support, a best friend will do all of that and more. I tried my hardest to be the best friend that I could be to your Auntie E this weekend. Broken hearts are tough, and hers is the most broken I've seen.
And finally, a really great man died on Sunday. I knew of him my whole entire life. I always looked up to him and felt he was an awesome leader and coach. In recent months it came to light that he made a poor decision some years ago. While his decision wasn't the poorest of the decisions made during that time period, it greatly and negatively impacted his reputation and his life's work.
At the same time, the reaction of others, the downright harsh words and quickly judgement, whether right or wrong, from others left a mark that will never be replaced. This man had a fall from grace heard round the world. He lost the job he loved and shortly there after got very sick. I truly believe he died of a broke heart.
What can be taken from all of these terrible things this week is this: Always be kind. Always stand up for yourself and for what you believe and always be mindful of the needs of others. If there is one thing I want you to be when you grow up, it is kind.
You won't make 100% of the people happy, 100% of the time. But when you are wrong, you must apologize. When you have hurt someone's feelings, you must be compassionate and if you have to deliver bad news, if you had to break someone's heart, if you have to cause harm, even if it is the right thing to do, do it carefully and with the needs and hearts of others in mind.
I love you baby. I hope you are safe and warm in there. It snowed this past weekend. Your very first official snow. You'll love playing in it. Just you wait and see.
Love you always,
Mama
Friday is a day for the baby book. I made you and your Daddy barbecue pork chops, macaroni and cheese and baked beans for dinner. I took a few test bites before your Daddy got out of the shower and suddenly I felt a wee "tap, tap, tap" in my belly. I paused, sure it was muscle spasms, when it happened again and again. Wouldn't you know it, it was you. I'm hoping those taps were thank you and yum, yum taps. It warms your Mama's heart to know you have respect for your "southern" side.
And then......Mama woke up on Saturday and bam, there you were. Mama's belly has popped out, it is now obvious that you're in there. Thank you! You have no idea how annoying it is to walk around looking like you ate too much all the time.
However, with your presence is a problem. You see, I was getting along great with a few pairs of maternity pants. No so much anymore. The belly makes my shirts too short. Looks like someone better get her fanny to the store and buy some clothes :)
Baby Berg, it has been a very sad week around our household. First, I got in a huge fight with your Grandma. I know you my find it hard to believe now, but there will come a day with you fight with me. Mama's aren't always perfect, people in general aren't perfect. We all sometimes say things we shouldn't say and do not mean. We are hurtful and callous sometimes. I don't think I am any more right or wrong then your Grandma. We both were wrong.
I promise you, by the time you get here, all of that will be smoothed over. I don't like to fight with people. I don't like to hold grudges (most of the time). Your Grandma is by best friend.
On the heals on the big fight, came even worse and more heart breaking news. Your Auntie E has a very broken heart. As much as I hate to tell you this. One day, when you're big, you will fall in love. And as much as I hate to say it, as unfortunate as it is, you will one day have a a broken heart as a result of falling in love. It may be that the other person breaks it or you break it because you do or don't do the right thing. Regardless, it will hurt, it will hurt something fierce. And the worst part? No one can fix it. The only thing that fixes a broken heart is time.
But there are ways to help ease the pain and make yourself feel better. The first is to focus on yourself, to give yourself time to rest and process and be quiet. The second is to find comfort in your friends. A good friend will listen to you while you cry, a great friend will also offer hugs and support, a best friend will do all of that and more. I tried my hardest to be the best friend that I could be to your Auntie E this weekend. Broken hearts are tough, and hers is the most broken I've seen.
And finally, a really great man died on Sunday. I knew of him my whole entire life. I always looked up to him and felt he was an awesome leader and coach. In recent months it came to light that he made a poor decision some years ago. While his decision wasn't the poorest of the decisions made during that time period, it greatly and negatively impacted his reputation and his life's work.
At the same time, the reaction of others, the downright harsh words and quickly judgement, whether right or wrong, from others left a mark that will never be replaced. This man had a fall from grace heard round the world. He lost the job he loved and shortly there after got very sick. I truly believe he died of a broke heart.
What can be taken from all of these terrible things this week is this: Always be kind. Always stand up for yourself and for what you believe and always be mindful of the needs of others. If there is one thing I want you to be when you grow up, it is kind.
You won't make 100% of the people happy, 100% of the time. But when you are wrong, you must apologize. When you have hurt someone's feelings, you must be compassionate and if you have to deliver bad news, if you had to break someone's heart, if you have to cause harm, even if it is the right thing to do, do it carefully and with the needs and hearts of others in mind.
I love you baby. I hope you are safe and warm in there. It snowed this past weekend. Your very first official snow. You'll love playing in it. Just you wait and see.
Love you always,
Mama
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