Closure of Sorts

My grandmother passed away on Wednesday morning. I think I speak for everyone in my entire family when I say thank goodness its over. She was in one of those worst case situations they don't talk about on TV much. She had a stroke 10 days earlier. She was kept very comfortable in a very nice hospice center, just waiting on her time to be called home. 

Now our family is in limbo as we wait for her funeral, which won't be happening until next Wednesday.......

(insert long story here)


{short story- someone had to go on vacation}


[Nope, not kidding]


While we were not close and there is a blank space on the emotional shelf where feelings for your paternal grandma should be, I am still feeling her loss. I know she didn't intent for our relationship to be what it was. I know deep down that she cared deeply for her family, she was proud of my brother and I and she..... well, she tried. She just wasn't the loving, caring, warm Grandma everyone hopes for.

Her loss is felt every day in my office (yes, we worked together). I had grown used to seeing her white headed self, sitting at her desk, often writing out a card or thumbing through a supplies catalog. While her responsibilities grew less and less as time went on, she was always a professional, always dressed to the 9's.

It's hard to listen to co-workers offer their comfort and kind phrases. They are all words you want to be said when a loved on died. They just aren't fitting for us.

Stranger yet, our office equipment dealer sent a huge basket for baked goods to our office. While we certainly appreciate the sentiment, I can't help but classify the delivery as "Sorry your Grandma died cookies."  Worst yet, my job is the monitor the basket and clean up the remains.... How fitting....

None the less, I find that my brain is working overtime trying to put the pieces of this strange situation in place. My heart is trying to heal old wounds and find peace in long buried hurt for a relationship I'd define as strange at best. 

As condolences pour in, I find myself saying over and over again... she was a one of kind, Grandma. There isn't much more I can say other then that.